Day: April 7, 2021

Loki, God of Dis-cord, Part I: I’m a Fan of Mischief

Monday morning, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the lawnmowers are revving up–human female, it is time to get your sorry carcass out of bed! That’s it, sit up, rub your sleep-bleary eyes, reach up to turn off the ceiling fan…

Ehehehe! I see you found my surprise!

Oh, quit your moaning. I could have made it break inside the motor housing. I know how to do that. All you need to do to fix this is figure out how to reattach the chain. Why don’t you stand on the bed on tiptoe, peer into the fixture, and see where and how to do that?

Progress? She has determined that the chain actually did break, not just come loose from a connector. It has a few connectors in it, though, so she can remove chain back to one of them and then use the connector to attach the severed end of the now shorter chain to what’s still hanging from the motor. She has found the hole in the bottom of the lamp that the chain needs to go through, and she is carefully feeding the broken end through, bead by bead. But –and here’s the part that tickles me!–the chain is disappearing into some alternate dimension! None of it is coming out inside the bowl of the fixture! Woman, it is not looking good for your fixing this on your own. You will need to consult with someone taller– and smarter.

Ah, now the human male is involved, and one of the cats as well. They are all on the bed, peering at the fan and hoping this will not result in multiple trips to the home improvement store and the purchase of a new fan. Will it? I’m not telling…

The female has figured out how to get the big, flat light fixture off the bottom of the lamp. The human male has washed it–not that it had more than a decade of house moss in it or anything.

See? All clean now. (It’s not really pink, that’s just the camera.)

The female is taking this opportunity to dust the fan. Rats! She knows the pillowcase trick! I was hoping she was going to try to do it with a dust rag and rain gray fluff down on her head, the bed, and the cat. Oh, well, she’s sneezing. I guess I’ll have to be content with that.

The human male has figured out that, unlike the light chain which just goes right out through the hole in the glass “globe”, the metal housing, and the screw-on knob, the chain for the fan has to go through another hole in the bottom of the light and fan assembly, and only then out the holes in the other pieces. Now, can they figure out what order to do the steps of connecting the chain, threading it through the holes, and reattaching the glass, the metal housing, and the screw-on knob?

Grrr. Apparently several semesters of taking drafting way back in high school has taught the human female how to think in terms of exploded diagrams. The fan is all back together now, and functional, and with a cord of the original length.

I wish them much joy of it! I am not done here. I will let them grow complacent—and then somewhere down the line, bring the whole thing to a grinding, smoking halt. There is nothing like replacing and rewiring a ceiling fan to ruin a weekend afternoon.

If not a marriage.

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