Day: June 7, 2021

Gonna Be Monday All Week, Part I: 有些笑话永远不会停止有趣

I think the humans have it far too easy. I’ve been lenient lately. Time to remedy that. How much mischief can I wedge into a single week? We are men and women of science–let’s find out!

It’s hot. It’s late. The humans don’t feel like cooking, it’s not a good idea for anyone without the constitution of a Norse god to just eat ice cream for dinner, and I certainly don’t feel like eating what the human female might cobble together out of what’s lurking in the pantry (tuna graham cracker casserole with cactus lime jelly, anyone?). It is, therefore, a good opportunity to “patronize a local small business.” That’s right–Takeout Time!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again–the humans don’t have a lot of imagination. When their deciders are broken, the fallback is usually Chinese. The male mixes his order up, but the human female usually gets one of two things every. single.time. Let’s see what they’ve brought home today…

Broccoli chicken with brown rice. Orange beef, not very spicy, sub carrots and snow peas for the broccoli, also with brown rice. That doesn’t sound too bad, and there are at least vegetables in the names. And I see the request for no plastic silverware and no soy sauce. No one wants the yucky take out soy sauce!

So how did the restaurant do? I’ve been working with their staff, and I’m curious as to whether my training is paying off.

Silverware and soy sauce, check!

Chicken and broccoli, check!

Broccoli beef, hold the broccoli, add carrots and snowpeas in an extra-leaky, non-recyclable box, check!

Two orders of brown rice, ch—

Ehehehehehe! I mean, uh oh! They only put in one. Now, the human female is unpacking the bag and has placed the carton on her own plate. Does this mean she has her rice and the male has none? Or has she filched his rice and she is without? Or is it communal rice, a little bit for each? Will they share or will they squabble?

干得好,忠实的仆人。干得好。

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P.S. If anyone is keeping track of items missing from takeout meals, this is chicken missing off three salads, missing salad dressing, a missing egg roll, and a missing carton of rice. If we could get all the missing items at once, we could put out a pretty good spread!