Day: July 2, 2021

Well I’m Glad We Have THAT Cleared Up

Before I came to this rock, I was told that its denizens had advanced to a “paperless society.” Nothing, of course, could be further from the truth. Midgard is drowning in paper, with no end in sight. It’s all the humans can do to keep the paper clutter under control. Financial papers, advertisements, jotted notes, the occasional wanted piece of mail. I find that it provides a great opportunity for mischief!

There has been a veritable snowstorm of paperwork associated with the humans’ retiring from work at the University. Information packets, endless forms, and Important Communiques from They’re Really Swamped (TRS), with which I have been amusing myself no end.

Last month or so, the human female received two letters from They’re Really Swamped which she thought were the same. “Why,” she grumbled, “did they send two copies of this in separate envelopes?” It took the human male’s superior reading comprehension skills to decipher the situation and show the human female that they were, in fact, quite different.

The first letter was addressed to Human Female’s Address, Version 1, and it notified her that this address had been deemed incorrect, changed at her or her duly appointed designee’s request, and/or found to be incompatible with Usually Squashes Parcels Significantly’s notion of her address. Henceforth, the letter stated, all Official Correspondence would be sent to Human Female’s Address, Version 2, unless she indicated otherwise. The second letter, which arrived on the same day, was addressed to Human Female’s Address, Version 2, and it advised her sternly that henceforth all communication would be sent to this address because Human Female’s Address, Version 1 was a bad, naughty, wicked address and not fit to grace the front of an envelope.

Both letters, of course, had no trouble reaching her.

I had such fun watching expressions of confusion, understanding, and done-with-this-waste-of-paper flit across her face that I simply had to do it again!

Thus, this first letter, received today.

Notice the creative spelling of part of the street address and the snappy abbreviation of the town’s name. Ehehehe! I had fun with that. Note also, please, that this address, listed as her “previous address” is absolutely NOT what TRS changed it to with the last set of letters.

The second letter, also received today, clarified things:

See?! It’s important! Circle the date on the calendar! Someone has learned how to spell “southern.”

Ehehehe! For some reason, there always seems to be a lot of recycling and shredding going on in this house. . . And I giggle every time I think of how there will probably be a third round of these letters , because this new, corrected address still bears the truncative butchering of the town’s name to include the hated “Sta.”

And am I singling out the human female with all of my attention to seeing how many trees I can kill to stuff her mailbox with useless drivel? I am not! I mean, the post person delivered this to the human male just this afternoon!

I can do this all day…

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