Day: August 3, 2021

In Which It Gets Far Too Fru-fru In Here

The human female’s Floristy Friend is passing through town. This means a meal and a large volume of gossip “catching up”. It also means—and this is the part Sigyn really looks forward to—a thorough examination of the Floristy Friend’s ribbon sample books.

I barely survived the last experience with my manhood–and my retinas!–intact, so my first instinct is to flee

But, as we all know, I can deny my beloved nothing. Sigh. Very well. Sigyn, for you I will look at ribbon.

This time, the Floristy Friend has not hauled in the books of the everyday ribbon, the stuff that comes in normal colors. No, she has brought in samples of just the new, fancy, and/or seasonal lines. Keep in mind, as we peruse, that people actually buy this stuff.

And other people actually ask for it in their arrangements… (There is no accounting for mortal taste. I’ve stopped trying to figure it out.)

Hmm. I must admit, some of the ribbons are actually quite pretty.

That blue embroidery is indeed elegant. It would complement delphiniums beautifully.

And I hate that I know that.

The linen-look ribbon comes in colors both Sigyn and I approve of,

while the gauzy ribbon comes in several different widths.

Oh, no! Calamity! Wherever did my sweetie go?!

This seems a most unlikely color combination.

Though I understand it is traditional for certain seasons of the year. And it sheds glitter most prodigiously! I shall have to order a roll and give it to the felines to play with.

Hmmm. We seem to be passing from the classic to the “cute.”

Sigh. I’m not sure anyone has ever explained to Sigyn that it’s not really possible to hug a two-dimensional representation of a ladybug, no matter how “sweet” it is.

Sigyn, apart from the eyebrows, those bees look more than a little like you!

The chickens, thankfully, not so much. I find myself wondering just what sort of flower arrangement it is appropriate for…

Likewise this burlap-like stuff. Can you even really call it “ribbon”? How would you use it? To decorate a barn-warming gift? To wish someone a Scratchy Birthday? I really don’t get it.

And this one…

“Leopard leatherette”. Perhaps suitable for an arrangement of tiger lilies and dandelions?

(I crack myself up.)

Great Frigga’s Corset! My eyes! Augh! This page should come with a warning!

People really order this for their shops?

Although now I think about it. . . If I ever have to buy my stoopid brother Thor some flowers, I know what I’m going to ask for…

Oh, Sweet Sif on a Cracker…

My darling, I love you with all of my heart, but if you order some of this I am moving out.

A man has to draw the line somewhere.

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