For many years, the part of the University that handles parking permits, parking enforcement, and bus services was known as PTTS—Parking, Traffic, and Transportation Services. They changed that a while back, though, because students, faculty, and staff, universally pronounced this as “Pits”–as in, “Parking on campus is the pits.”
What was the new moniker? “Transportation Services“, or just “TS” for short. They spent Norns know how much on re-branding everything and splashing their new, swooshy “TS” logo on anything they could find. Their new slogan was rumored to be, “Combining and reducing bus routes to serve you better.” They were my favorite part of the University–after WorkDon’t and BAMN.
Still, though, parking usually worked. The humans had a transponder affixed to the windshield of their vehicle and, most days, they were able to get through the gates and park in their spot. Those who didn’t have a transponder could swipe their hang tag for admittance. If it wasn’t perfect, it at least made sense.
Well, just because the humans don’t go up on campus every day anymore doesn’t mean they never go on campus. There are old friends to visit and the library is still a good place to borrow books. They have a retiree permit, which lets them park for free* in the less desirable spaces in one of the garages.
I can’t, in good conscience, allow this convenience to continue! I shall have to confuse this process somewhat, and while I’m at it, I might as well bargle things up for ALL permit holders, right? At my urging, the PPTB (Parking Powers That Be) have decided that it is no longer cost effective to mail out hang tags to everyone each year. That’s right! No more hang tags! It’s all going to be done by phones and barcodes and checking license plates. Look–here it is in in an Official E-Mail:
It’s such an important change that I have made sure that the humans (who have no intention of going anywhere near the campus on a home football game weekend but who might approach the campus at some other point) have also received the information in an Official Mailing.
Along with the Physical Hangtag They Are Not Going to Receive.
Using your phone to park. Bar codes. Longer lines. Hangtags which both do and do not exist until you open the envelope and determine their state one way or the other.
So now we know. “TS” does not stand for “Transportation Services”, “That’s Stupid”, or even “This Stinks.”
“TS” is short for “Thanks, Schrodinger.”
*For certain values of “free.” There’s a small annual fee.