Mamaw’s Taste Was All In Her Mouth…

The human female likes to Make Things. After spending time with her mother, I can see where she gets it. The human female’s mother is always making *something.* If it’s not food, it’s a quilt. If it’s not a quilt, it’s a teddy bear for someone’s little sprout.

This week, with the human female around, it’s food and quilts.

Someone gave the human female’s mother a bunch of 90+ year old quilt blocks and hired her to make them into a quilt. Sigyn and the human female are offering Opinions on how this should be done.

The blocks each have a fan arc made of seven “blades”. This blue and yellow one, while not my taste, is nonetheless somewhat pleasing to the eye.

I mean, the womenfolk involved in this project have informed me that blue and yellow is a “classic.”

Unfortunately, the blocks, made by the friend’s grandmother, Mamaw Rhilla, are not all like this one. There is a good deal of pink in many of them, a color for which I find I have a low tolerance.

This one is better:

Red and green are the best colors, right, Sigyn?

But then there’s…The Plaids.

Mamaw Rhilla had at her disposal an unconscionable abundance of not one but several very colorful yet very hideous plaids, fabrics which manage to clash with absolutely everything else in these blocks.

Don’t look, Sigyn! My godly constitution protects me, but I there’s the very real possibility you could permanently damage your retinas…

It has also come to our attention that the fan arcs on the blocks aren’t all curved the same amount. Some are a little arc-ier than others. That means finishing each one with a curved-top-wedge piece to make the base of each fan is out of the question since, while the eye doesn’t immediately notice that the arcs are wonky, it would quickly pick up on the fact that solid-color fan bases were all different shapes or didn’t all fit the arcs the same way. The arcs will just have to float on their own, though the human female says the fan base can be put in with quilting, which will be less jarring.

The human female’s mother intends to put the blocks “on point” (whatever that means) and reckons she will need thirty two to make a bed-sized quilt.

There are only twenty-eight. I know. I counted.

Plus bits like this:

There is an assortment of unmounted fan arcs. The human female has offered to sew the least objectionable four of them to some fabric her mother has which matches what Mamaw Rhilla used for her blocks some nine decades ago.


The sewing down of the fan arcs is complete. Now it’s time to lay out the blocks into some semblance of a palatable arrangement.

Ehehehehe! This is where they will discover that I lied about how many original blocks there were so that there are now thirty-four…

This is going to be challenging. It requires one person to place the blocks and everyone else to stand back and critique. The human female has tried putting the blocks with solid red in the four corners and the middle of each side, and then the blocks with solid blue

No, that doesn’t work, because now there are two “greens” next to one another. If you separate them, that produces a congregation of Ugly Plaid down in that one corner, there.

If you put the blues in the corners and the middle…No, now there is too much pink print along the right side.

What about–? No, that doesn’t work either.

This is splendid entertainment. I haven’t had so much fun since watching the human female and forty teaching assistants try to decide who is teaching each of 180 lab sections spread across three courses and ten rooms. Something is going to have to give.

(much, much later) In the end, two of the quilt blocks were swapped out in favor of the two spares, and the Ugly Plaids were separated as much as humanly possible.

From a distance, squinting, it’s not as hideous as I feared it would be. Finished with pink sashing and solid white half-squares along the edges, it will probably manage to look very “sweet” and “old fashioned” when it’s complete. The human female’s mother will be able to be proud of a job well done.

Just color me thankful that the quilt the human female’s mother has made as a Yule gift for our house (and which the human female is forbidden to see until then) is all in shades of green.

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