Day: October 28, 2021

How Is It Spooky Season Again Already?

How is the end of October nearly upon us? How is it All Things Black and Orange time again? Time has no meaning anymore–and the cognitive dissonance is not helped by the fact that the All Hallow’s Eve tat has been out since AUGUST.

I shall speak to my followers from my candy papal balcony

Oh, well. My sweet, let’s see what’s on offer. Perhaps there is something amusing. Or something really hideous I can buy for the human female.

I don’t know…. Does this count as amusing?

It certainly counts as unnecessary.

We could buy some questionable wall decor.

It would certainly be appropriate, given the human female’s approach to housework. Or we could remind ourselves–as if we could forget–just what part of Midgard we live in.

Ugh. No. Because if it goes up in the house I will have to see it, too.

Uh, oh! The shelf-tidying person is headed our way. Quick, Sigyn! Act like you are really interested in something while I pretend not to be plotting mischief.

Ah, yes. Cucurbitaceous salt and pepper shakers. Good choice.

Oh, even better!

They’re certainly ticking the “hideous” box! Let’s buy them as a gift! The human female will have to display them prominently so as not to hurt our feelings, and they’re sure to clash with everything. And I think they’re meant to be tea-light holders, so there’s always the chance she could singe her fingers lighting them up. Bonus!

Or, no, wait! THESE.

All hail, the evil Toad King and his Lovely Bride!

Or is this fellow better. I mean, worse?

Hey, little guy! What’s your name?

Actually, I think he’s kind of cute, and he just makes me miss Jormungandr…

This or the big rubber spider behind me would be good, but unfortunately the human female is not afraid of members of the Chelicerata.

Sigyn, are you having any better luck over there?

Sweetie, I think you’re missing the point of this exercise. This lantern is almost attractive.

And, light of my life, please take care you do not become trapped in there. (You know it’s not just possible, but actually very likely, given your track record…)

Hmm. Not hideous. Maybe amusing?

If we get invited to an All Hallows parade, it will be just the thing. You could ride along and throw candy to younglings. (Keeping, of course, all the best dark chocolates for me.)

Say, isn’t there usually a plethora of anatomically incorrect skeletons —?

Unhand her, you ossified miscreant! If I find even one little perforation on my beloved, I will scatter you across multiple hectares of barren ground and then set the pieces alight.

Are you all right, my love?

Sigh. Apparently all right enough to get into more trouble!

(Smite, smite, smite.) Rescued again!

Do you know, Petal, I think we should abandon my plan to find something awful for the human female, cut our losses, and just go home. You’re all covered with alligator bone dust and rabid rat spit, and it’s going to take all afternoon to decontaminate you and make you tidy again. The human female will just have to be hideous enough on her own.

>|: [