Day: October 29, 2021

And People Say I’m Too Hard on the Human Female

I get all sorts of complaints. “You’re too hard on the human female.” “I don’t like it when you say bad things about her.” “You should try to be nicer to her. After all, you’re sharing her home, RENT-FREE.”

To these, I say…Pfffft! You have NO idea the aggravation that mortal brings to my life, the daily annoyances and cheerful stupidity I have to put up with! The countless indignities to which I am subjected… Really, she only gets what she deserves.

And for some inexplicable reason, her disrespect seems to reach a peak at this time of year. On All Hallows, she frequently earns an entire year of mischification just by what she tries to make me wear. I tell you, this year I won’t do it. She wants someone dresssed up like a pea-pod she can damn well wriggle into the blasted costume herself!

Unfortunately, I have been very busy planning my conquest of Midgard and I failed to notice how advanced the month had become. By the time I gave any thought to what to “be” this year, all the good costumes were gone from the rental shop, and it’s a point of pride with me not to just cast a glamor over myself and look like whatever I choose. Thus, while Sigyn scored herself an amazing costume, well….you’ll see. (Or if I have anything to say about it, you won’t.)

“Behold, my Sigyn!”

“Beautiful as always, my love, but show everyone the rest of your costume. Turn so that they can get a proper look at you.”

“Isn’t she magnificent?! She is beauty, she is grace, she’s a centaur with a smiling face! You look very fierce my love, with your wrist bracers and quiver and short bow. Ready to take on anything!”

“Come on, Loki, don’t be shy! Come show everyone what you’re wearing this year.”

“I am not coming out.”

“Oh, don’t be like that. The human female chose it specially. You’re going to be fine.”

“I won’t and you can’t make me.”

“I’ll give you all the dark chocolate I get tonight…”

“Promise?”

“Yes. Come on, come out here.”

“Fine. But if anyone laughs, there will be bloodshed.”

“Grrr. Not only has the human female stuck me, a literal god, in a chocolate rabbit suit, but she’s hidden my All Hallows pillowcase and told me that of course, an Eater Bunny would have a basket, instead. I’m betting that not only will people laugh (bloodshed, remember!), I won’t be able to haul a quarter the goodies I usually bring home. And there’s no room in this getup for weapons. Every part of this stinks.”

“I think you look cute!”

“I don’t want to be cute.

“Oh, come on. It will be fun!”

“Do I have to?”

“Pretty please? For me? If you want to take a weapon along, I can carry Gungnir for you so it’s handy if you need it.”

“Sigh. Very well. But I want it noted that I do so only under extreme protest.”

“I’ll go but I won’t have fun.”

(later)

“Well, that went about how I thought it would. Everyone laughed. I have a list as long as my arm of people who are scheduled for a thorough smiting. And to top it off, we didn’t even really get any good candy. The house on the corner, that one with the weird vegans, they were handing out apples.

“The ONLY good part of the entire evening was how great my sweetie looks in leather.

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