Day: December 10, 2021

Loki, Distracted

The humans are at one of their favorite markets today. This is the no-frills one, where one basically “rents” a cart by inserting a coin which is returned when the cart is turned in after shopping. This is the one without fancy displays, bagging clerks, or name brand items. The humans like it because the groceries here are very inexpensive, they often have lamb, and the produce is usually first-rate. (Especially, for some reason, their avocados.)

While many of the products are always available, there is also a wild and unpredictable parade of temporary items that changes without notice. In fact, I often arrange for there to be things the humans will fall in love with, only to find that they are never seen again. Still other items appear without my knowing anything at all about it. In short, the name of this place sounds like initials, and I have decided that perhaps they stand for “Loki, Distracted“, because there is so much weird stuff in here that I often forget what we came for in the first place.

The snack food aisle seems to be the epicenter of the chaos. Look at these things:

Broad bean chips?! <shudder> Who comes up with this stuff?

Sweet Sif on a cracker! A carrot cracker, no less! And not just a regular orange carrot, either. Oh no, these are purple carrot crackers. Gluten-free and guaranteed to clash obnoxiously with every other foodstuff, with the possible exception of pureed beets. There aren’t words to express my level of no-thank-you-ness.

The human male, on the other hand, is quite an aficionado of oddly-flavored potato chips.

I am reasonably certain these will leap into our cart when my back is turned. I am absolutely certain that the female will show no interest in helping him finish them off.

The unfathomable comestibles are not limited to snacks, either. It is not difficult to find dubious pasta, either dry or frozen.

Is your mind boggling, Sigyn? Because mine is boggling.

Not all of the weird, distracting products are food. There is one aisle full of miscellaneous merchandise which, at any given moment, might house such disparate items as children’s toys, woolly socks, sun hats, garden lights, foldable laundry hampers, and questionable kitchen gadgetry.

I mean, look at this for a minute. Study it closely.

In which of the Nine Realms is this going to fit your average melon–of any sort? While it might–and I beg leave to be skeptical–might handle a very small muskmelon, it will have to admit defeat when faced with a honeydew or, Norns prevent, a watermelon. And if, by some miracle, a tiny melon were procured and the cutter was somehow able to penetrate the leathery skin, the center cutting area in this contraption is not going to remove the seeds in any acceptable fashion. The seeds in cucurbitaceous crops are not centrally configured but are instead borne on three parietal placentae, reflecting the pepo’s origin from three fused carpels. (And oh, how I hate that I understand what I just said.)

In fact, I—what have you got there, Sigyn?

What? A special pan for…? Because no one could possibly make an ice cream sandwich with regular…?

I’m speechless.

But you know what? The little narrow cabinet that the human female keeps her baking sheets and cooling racks in is already very crowded. Sometimes it’s hard to get things in or out. I think the addition of this which, please note, will allow you to make just one or two sandwiches if that’s all you want, would render the tangling nigh on impossible to prevent.

Into the cart it goes!

Now, what did we come in for, again?

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