In all of the holiday hustle and blather, the trip out west, and whatnot, I lost track of the calendar. I have now been chronicling my mischief for eight years. Eight miserable, stuck-with-the-human-female years.
I’m shocked. And prodigiously discouraged. Where is my throne? Where is my castle? Where is my complete and utter world domination? What do I have to show for my time on this rock? Nothing.
I really thought I had something last week when I found that Infinity Gauntlet at Stark’s. I figured I was one finger-snap away from having everything I ever wanted. Midgard. Sigyn. Thor in pigtails and a tutu. But no. The blasted thing turned out to be a clever fake. Nothing more than a gauntlet-shaped cigarette lighter. Useful if I want to set something on fire (and believe me, I usually DO!), but totally worthless for purposes of conquest.
I’ve been so depressed thinking about all of this that I haven’t even managed much mischief. I mean, I have some ongoing projects—the gutters and skylight are still not fixed, and the insurance adjuster hasn’t been out to take a look a the falling-in ceiling in the garage—but the humans’ December paychecks did eventually show up in their bank account. The female is still missing some stamp orders from September, but the others have slowly been trickling in.
I do enjoy messing with stamps. (Such a silly hobby! Little bits of paper!) In one of her recent batches of approvals, the seller somehow didn’t have the one she wanted, so I told him to just include some random used U.S. postage. Plus some weird South American banana stamp. Oh, and I distracted the human female when she was specifying another pair she wanted–one had a really cute frog that she didn’t need for her collection but which would make a good bookmark. This is what she actually asked for and received:
She was so frustrated with the previous wrong, soccer-themed stamps she got that I wanted to do it again. They were out of soccer players, but I figured rugby was close enough.
She has also been spending some of her Yule money on decorative stickers for her journal. A few of them are quite nice. Sigyn especially likes the forest animals and plants:
and the flower fairies:
These almost didn’t happen. The human female had an e-gift certificate from her sister. When she tried to redeem it on the sticker purchase, the website (which she has ordered from on previous occasions–all stuff she didn’t need) processed it on her credit card rather than the gift code. After talking to the website’s help team, she learned she had to contact the vendor to cancel the transaction and refund the money so she could order it again. She tried this, but the gift card wouldn’t “take”. She contacted the website’s help team again and was told how to use the gift card code. Finally, she was able to make the purchase. I wasn’t done making mischief, though, because when the website sent her two of those “please rate your experience with our help team” surveys—one for each query— she accidentally gave one of the helpful employees a “really bad” rating when she meant to hit the other end of the scale and rate her “very good”. She felt compelled to contact the help team a THIRD time and ask them to amend the previous feedback so some poor employee didn’t get penalized. Then the website sent her another survey, to ask her how the third help session went… I can keep this up forever.
I couldn’t let her have everything she wanted for her journal, though. What she wanted was some washi tape with pretty Oriental watercolor flowers. This is what she got:
Can anyone tell me what that says? Allspeak isn’t that good with handwriting. Whatever. I told her it’s a categorical listing of all her faults —and that is a ten-meter roll with no repeats.
And that’s about it. I got nothin’ else. Tell me, minions–do you think I’m losing my touch?