Maximum Daily Allowance of “Country”, Part I: The Vittles

The humans don’t go out to eat much anymore. Plague, and all that. Today, however, they’ve arranged to meet up with an old friend and try a place for which the human male has a gift card.

I have heard…things about this place. It is supposed to be “homey” and “folksy”, which makes me deeply suspicious. I don’t do “quaint” and have a low tolerance for “Aw, shucks.” Also, this is apparently where one goes when one wants to eat Delicious Things Which Are Not Very Good For You. Still, I have the constitution of a literal god, and Sigyn is under my protection, so we can tag along and eat whatever we like.

And here we are! The tales of rocking chairs on the “porch” appear to be true.

And this one’s big enough for two!

Great Frigga’s Hairpins–could the menu be any kitschier?

Grits. I just know there will be grits inside somewhere.

Oh, and look—there is a second menu just for breakfast.

I bet that’s where the grits are.

Yes. Or should I say, “Yup.”

Folksy misspelling and all. And, Norns save us, it gets worse.

If there’s one thing worse than plain grits, it’s “fixin’s.” I am allergic to “fixin’s.” Sigyn, please, let’s order off the lunch menu.

While we wait for our meal to come, we can play with the brain-teaser puzzle on the table. The point of the game is to jump one peg over the other, removing each jumped-over peg until only one peg remains.

The point of Sigyn is to look cute. And I want it on the record that the human female has never once solved a puzzle of this sort.

She’ll have even less luck once I steal one of the pegs…

Our lunch is here. It’s a cold, blustery sort of day, so we are sharing a big plate of chicken and dumplings. Excuse me. “Chicken n’ Dumplins”

It tastes all right, but it’s a rather unappetizing color. As are the “green” beans, which in no way resemble the menu photo.

Oh, well. It’s hot, it’s filling, and—gift card, remember?—it’s free. I’ll be jiggered if I don’t aim to eat all I kin afore I have me a mosey ’round the place so’s I can take a gander at all them gew-gaws set out fer city folks to buy.

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