Sigyn, do you know what’s in the gray bag on the kitchen counter?
(peering inside) Ah. This will take a bit of explaining. You see, the human female’s sister loves to wrap and package things. Give her a box, some wrapping paper, and LOTS and LOTS of TAPE and she’s happy and out of mischief for hours. She’s also very good at finding unusual things to use as packaging material. This is some of the fallout from Yule. She gifted the human female a set of apple-shaped canisters, and she padded the box with a whole quilt batt–which can be used for future quilty projects–and with bags and bags of…
It’s an interesting choice. Cushiony, not too expensive, and a helpful reminder to the human female to be mindful of her avoirdupois. And no one said we can’t have any, so I think it might be snack time!
But hold up a moment, beloved. Are we sure all bags are the same? That first one is plain popcorn. But this one looks a little different.
Oooh! Kettle corn! For thirty extra calories you can have some sugar with your gluten-free goodness. Is that what you want, or shall we keep digging?
I know that popcorn is full of fiber and carbs, but I’m not sure I want to know what else is in this bag:
Specially made with multi-ocular, furry blue monsters and only the choicest spider webs? How many calories does that add? And if you are what you eat, what happens when you ingest this stuff? Let us say I am…cautiously concerned.
There’s only one bag of this kind. We must not waste this singular opportunity. I say we force-feed it to the human female and see what happens. If it turns the human female into a furry blue monster, I can sell her to a sideshow and make a ton of money. If we take notes on the process, we can even call it “science” and probably even get a publication out of it.
My mama raised no dummies. Well, all right. She did, but let’s leave Thor out of this.