Happy Birthday to Me!, Part IV: 這裡有很多奇怪的東西…

After a conveyor belt full of sushi and a custard-stuffed fish, the human female is just about capable of waddling to our next stop. Luckily for her, it’s in the same shopping strip. I, of course, being possessed of a godly constitution, could eat six or seven more fish waffles and not think twice about it.

This store has a really strange name–99 Ranch Market. I don’t know where that comes from; I find that Midgardian naming conventions often don’t make sense. It seems to be a Purveyor of All Things Asian. I do like a good rummage through an Asian grocery, even when there aren’t any rice cakes to poke. Come, Sigyn, let’s have a good snoop!

The produce section is quite colorful! The riper persimmons are orange.

There appear to be a LOT of unripe ones, though. I’ve heard that the unripe ones are horrifically astringent and unpleasant to eat. I think I’ll buy some, take them home, slice them up, dry the slices, and mix them into the container of sliced dried mango the human female has for snacking… When she gets to stuffing her face, she often doesn’t pay attention to what she’s inhaling. If I can get her face to pucker up really tightly, maybe it’ll stick that way. (Couldn’t look worse than the current configuration of features.)

Odin’s Eypatch! Sigyn, look at the size of this pummelo!

You could really hurt someone if you chucked that at their head! I’ve always suspected that’s why they call them pummel-os. Supposedly, they’re a lot like grapefruit on the inside. Half the weight is peel, though, so I balk at spending the money on so much rind. Really, kumquats are more bang for the buck, since they’re entirely edible. They are also good for throwing.

And here’s yet another thing that would be good for lobbing at annoying people!

Big, heavy, and spiky! If someone were to hit someone else in the head with one of these jackfruit, there could be concussions and bloodshed and lamentation. I like that in a comestible.


It’s not all weaponizable fruit in here. There are also inexplicable packaged items.

It looks like blow-in insulation or poodle clippings, but if the label’s to be believed, it is very finely shredded, sweetened, dried pork. I believe this is also known as rousong or pork floss. Like cotton candy, but with more oink. I think it’s used mostly as a condiment or topping in situations that are too fancy for plain bacon, but I’m willing bet money the human male would eat this right out of the container with a spoon if allowed to.

Sigyn, predictably, has lost no time in finding the chocolate milk.

Do you really want the drink, my love, or do you just think the characters are cute? Hmm. I borrowed the human female’s phone to check up on these Gaspard and Lisa people. Wikipedia says, “Gaspard and Lisa are two fictional characters appearing in a series of children’s books… Gaspard (black with a blue scarf) and Lisa (white with a red scarf) go on various adventures. Gaspard, Lisa, and their family members are drawn as animals, but live among humans in Paris, with the titular characters attending an ordinary school alongside human characters. Officially, Gaspard and Lisa are neither dogs nor rabbits.” What are they unofficially? It’s all very suspect.

I think I will choose myself a birthday present. As long as we are in the beverage aisle, I can look for the Loki-est thing they have.

Found it.

Jörmungandr would be proud.

I bet it makes horrific burps. Possibly even lightable. There’s only one way to find out!

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