Day: March 3, 2022

Do-it-yourself Mischief

The humans are still mired in the ongoing home-repairs resulting from last year’s bad weather and subsequent mishaps. The workmen finally came to fix the fallen-in garage ceiling (where something heavy fell through the sheetrock), and while they were there, the humans had them fix the places in the living room where the tape-and-float and plaster work at the top of the front wall had come undone in a Most Unsightly Manner. (The roofers stomping and pounding and dropping things up there didn’t help any, and there were plaster bits missing in several spots.)

The plaster repairs looked awful in progress, but the end result was satisfactory–except for the fact that all the work was nowhere near the color of the walls and stuck out like six sore thumbs. At this point, I suggested to the humans that of course they could do the paintwork themselves, and there was no need to hire someone to do it! After all, they painted the whole house when they moved in, didn’t they?

And thus, we find ourselves today at the Do-It-Yourselfatorium to purchase paint and painting accoutrements. There are so many colors of paint to choose from! Sigyn, of course, thinks we should go with something in this part of the spectrum.

That is lovely, my dear, but have you considered how timeless, how classic a good deep green can be?

The human female is always saying she’d like to live in an English country house. Well, woman, I can’t think of anything that says, “Library in the Manor” more than “Fresh Arugala” or “Soccer Pitch” (Why do paint colors all have such ridiculous names? And why couldn’t they spell “Arugula” correctly? And if it’s an English country house, shouldn’t that color be “Football Pitch”? But I digress.)

If you don’t want dark green, you could opt for something from the Nausea Collection.

Great Frigga’s Corset, the humans are boring! Being being frugal cheap misers, they originally painted the living room in plain, untinted white, thinking that it would make any future repainting easy to match. And here we go–one gallon of plain base white flat interior latex. (I think that needs a few more adjectives.) Now we just need tools and whatnot.

Mind you, I am fairly certain that there are painting tools in the garage at home, but finding them could take years and cost dozens of lives… (The side of the garage the humans had to clear to allow for the ceiling repair got cleaned out and thoroughly sorted and looks great, but all the painting stuff is on the other side, the one that scares even me…)

My sweetie wants to know if we can please get this “cute little mini roller.”

Sure! Put it in the cart. The humans are paying. If it doesn’t get used for the walls, I’m sure it could see duty in the kitchen, applying an even coat of melted butter to toast.

(a bit later) Trim brush, rollers, paint tray, painter’s tape, and one of those spongy little dabber thingies. All set!

Far be it from me, however, to let opportunity slip away. I want to see what other potential mischief supplies are here.

This looks promising.

Pro Tip: Whenever you can’t think of any other crimes to commit, sticking something to something else that it shouldn’t be stuck to is always good mischief. In this case, 200% stronger than regular mischief alone.

I am confused… There is such a thing as paint hardener?

Do mortals actually harden leftover paint before disposal? Do they not just use it up by graffiti-ing rude words and crude naughty drawings on available vertical surfaces (preferably the walls of their oafish brother’s rooms)? Or is that just a “me” thing?

I’ll ask again—are we absolutely certain that there isn’t something that needs sticking to something else? Because they have duct tape in all sorts of non-boring colors. Three guesses who wants what.

All right. I think we may be done here. We have paint, tools, and some good ideas for future mischief. Sigyn, are you ready to leave?

Sigyn? Did anyone see where she went? She was right here a moment ago!

She’s not in Plumbing.

Not in Lumber.

Not even, surprisingly, in the Garden Center.

Not in Appliances.



Hang on, sweetie. Loki’s coming.

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