Day: March 29, 2022

A Treasure Among Treasures

The human female likes vegetables. I don’t mean she likes to eat them–I mean, she does,* but that’s not what I am talking about. She likes to just look at them as well. There are vegetables on the tea towels, vegetables on the pot holders, vegetables everywhere!

She has a large, dust-gathering collection of ceramic vegetable…things. They all live in this big white cabinet she calls The Behemoth. (Rumor has it that it’s an old chemical cabinet that came out of a lab on campus that was being renovated. Supposedly she bribed one of the workmen to take it off the wall in one piece rather than break it up and throw it away. I don’t know if that’s true, but the stoopid thing is about seven feet tall and must weigh nearly as much as she does.)

See? It’s completely full! There are even vegetables hanging from the knobs.

The biggest thing in here is an enormous pumpkin that the human female’s mother made.

The female likes to put the candy in it every October 31st. I’m always tempted to grab a Sharpie and draw a hideous face on it, but the human female has never sat still long enough for me to capture a good likeness.

Her mother also made all of these veggies.

Except for the little pumpkins, which are salt and pepper shakers, these don’t serve any useful purpose whatsoever. But I wonder if I can put the potato in the pantry and watch her try to peel it some evening when she’s trying to cook while tired…

More mother-made things. The carrots are a canister, and the big corn thing is a tureen.

One of the other corns came from an antique shop, but I don’t know which one (and I don’t really care, either.)

More corn, and another pumpkin.

I think an aunt is responsible for the metal pumpkin. It’s a serving bowl that can double as a weapon. I like that in a knick-knack.

I introduce all of these tchotchkes because, Norns save us, the human female has brought home another botanical ceramic…thing.

I’m not entirely sure what it is. My first thought was “onion,” but onions don’t have stems. I don’t think it’s any vegetable I’ve ever seen. My current guess is “fig,” which would be unfortunate, because it would signal an expansion of the horticultural tackiness to include fruits as well as vegetables. I’ve no idea where she’s going to cram this thing in, let alone anything further!

It has a lid, so presumably it’s meant to hold something, but it’s too small for a canister and has no drain holes, so I suspect it will just gather dust.

Ehehehe. My mistake. It’s already full and contains a treasure of inestimable worth.

Yes, love, I *am* surprised. I thought you were over at Muffy’s. How long have you been hiding in there? It’s lunchtime. Are you ready to come out? Can you reach?

Hang in there, sweetie, Loki’s coming!

>|: [

*Except for beets. Beets make her want to puke.