Author: lokispeaks

Ridiculously smart and incredibly good-looking

Floral Remnants, Part II: Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

In their studies of higher plants, the human female’s students use white carnations to demonstrate the uptake of water by the vascular system.  The Prep Staff puts white carnations in vases of water and adds food coloring.  The plants take up the dye along with the water, blah, blah, blah, details.

Sigyn is entranced by the red and blue versions the human female made.

carnations1

Pffft!   That’s nothing!  Science is all well and good, but magic is even better:

carnations3

Chew on that, mortal.

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Floral Remnants, Part I: Beware the Bilabiate Corolla

The students in some of the human female’s biology classes actually get around to studying flowering plants.  Sigyn thinks that might be the best week in the whole semester.  Not only does she enjoy going to the market and buying armloads of snapdragons, Alstroemeria, and carnations, but the human female lets her have all of the posies that survive the week.

Sigyn especially  likes the snapdragons, because the little flowers can be made to open and close.  A little imagination and a bit of practice, and you can make them talk or sing or tell stories.

snapdragon2

This semester, the snapdragons are pink. 

Usually, these blossoms are safe to play with, Sigyn, but watch out!

snapdragon1

The pink ones can be a little feisty.

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A Strange and Wondrous Beastie, Part IV: In Which it Ends as Most of This Group’s Adventures Do

I think we have just about as many people riding this stridulation-mobile as it will hold.  I mean, practically everyone I know is here already—

–except the hammer-toting oaf.   What do you want, Thor?

brother-may-i-come-up

“I WOULD LIKE TO RIDE THIS MIGHTY HOPPER WITH YOU, BROTHER!”

You’e not my bro–

BAD FISI!   BAD hyena!  Drop it now!   Thor, hold that mangy animal right there!   If I can get the leg back, I can probably magic it back on!

hold-fisi

This is just great.  A whole abdomen full of superheroes and assorted hangers-on and no one can get one measly little bug leg away from a walking doormat with no table manners.  

bad-fisi-cricket

Sometimes I hate my life.

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A Strange and Wondrous Beastie, Part III: Doesn’t Anyone Have Anything Else to Do Today???

Captain Toothpaste Ad has wangled his way aboard my fine Tettigoniidous steed.  How to kill all the romance of an outing in one fell swoop.

Yelp?  You too?  Sigyn, did you send out engraved invitations or something?!

yelp.jpg

म तपाईंको शानदार काठको क्रिकेटमा सवारी गर्न चाहन्छु? के तपाई मलाई यो गर्न दिनुहुनेछ?

Sigh.  Go ahead.  It appears that I’ve chartered the hexapod equivalent of a party bus.

Oh, and now the Kitty Committee wants in on the action.

tchalla-muffy.jpg

Just so you know, Blackie, I didn’t invite you.  Muffy is Sigyn’s friend and you’re just a regrettable plus-one.  Fisi, you can bite him, too, if you feel like it.

muffy-fisi

Cat, are you coming or going?  And Stark, if you so much as bat an eyelash at my sweetie we are going to have a rousing game of kick-the-man-in-a-can.

“Komm her, Remus.  Join me upon this so magnificent inzect.”

arnold-remus

“Hold tight mein Freund, und keep an eye on zat…thing on ze ovipositor…”

arnold-remus1

Sleipnir’s fetlocks!  Didn’t anyone stay home today?!

rocket

Oh, great.  Now the cry-baby clown wants in on the action.

bennos-not-sure

Benno, you are scared of, among many other things (including dandelions and air molecules), both bugs AND heights.  Do you really think climbing up for a ride is a good idea?

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A Strange and Wondrous Beastie, Part II: Don’t You Have Someplace Else to Be?

Sigyn and I are enjoying our ride on the massive katydid.  Or is it a cricket?  I really never learned much entomology.  In my book, it’s either a bee, a butterfly, or something that probably needs squashing.  Still, the view from up here is pretty nice.

Oh, this is just great.   It’s perfect Steve on his perfect bike.  What do you want, Captain Spanglypants?

here-comes-steve

“Hello, there!  Permission to come aboard?”

permission-to-come-aboard

If I said no, would you go away?

Sigh.  Sigyn has already given him the go-ahead.  Fine.  Ride my cricket.  But, Fisi, if he starts getting friendly with my beloved, you have my permission to bite him on his spandex-covered butt.

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A Strange and Wondrous Beastie, Part I: Well, Hello There!

The calendar says it’s fall.  The thermometer says it’s still summer.  My tummy says it’s lunchtime, and the human female says I’m driving her nuts and would I please go for a walk or something and take the damned hyena with you.

Fine.  I was sick of looking at you, too.   Come on, Sigyn, Fisi, let’s go for a stroll.

There’s something about October.  Sigyn gets this urge to collect colored leaves and nuts and twigs.  This very large acorn will make a nice addition to her growing cache.  Look, dear one, if you rub the nut part, the fuzz comes off and it will be all shiny and smooth underneath.

acorn

If you get tired of playing with it, I’m sure the felines would be happy to swat it around noisily about 3:00 a.m.

Norns’ nighties!  What manner of insect is this?!   It’s stupendous!  It’s colossal!

big cricket

It’s something Sigyn wants to ride.  Sigh.  Of course she does.  Very well, my love, up you go!

climb-aboard

Not bad!  There’s a nice flat space on top of the carapace that makes a fine throne.  Forward, my chitonous-ligneous steed!

riding-cricket

Now all I have to do is figure out how to steer.

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Glass Math, Part II: The Damage Really Adds Up

The humans have arrived home after a long day at work.  It is late. They are tired.  They are hungry.  The Terror Twins are demanding to be fed.  The human female is attending to this task while the male begins dinner preparations.

Hurry it up, mortal!  Gods and their consorts need sustenance too, you know.

By Odin’s Wretched Depth Perception!  What was that monstrous noise?!  It sounded alarmingly like…

brokencasserole1

Breaking glass.

Oh, ehehehehe!  My little set-up has finally paid off!  I’ve been encouraging the mortals to store their large, 4-quart glass casserole on top of the refrigerator, since it is was too large for any of the cupboards.  I knew one day it would fall off, and, well, just look!

brokencasserole2

That worked even better than I hoped it would.  Both the cover and the dish itself have simply exploded upon impact!   There are multiple large pieces, all right, but even more insidious little shards and a great quantity of nearly microscopic glass dust.

There is glass everywhereon the floor, under the refrigerator, between the refrigerator and the cabinets, on the counter, under the microwave, between the microwave and the wall, all over the cutting board, among the bags of snacks and bottles, around the wine and cider bottles, under the pantry door and inside the pantry, and–look at that! —all the way into the dining room!

There is even glass inside the toaster.

The first order of business is to sequester the ever-curious and tender-footed felines while all this vitreous shrapnel is dealt with.  The human female is attempting this task—she has Taffy in the bedroom and—Oh, no!  In stuffing Flannel in after her, she has allowed Taffy to escape!  There is a delightful amount of shouting and panicking going on.  Now all three are thundering down the hallway and–yes–no—yes!   She has managed to chase both confused and complaining beasts into the bathroom!

Now the real fun begins.  A large box has been procured to hold all the razor-sharp debris.  The human male is dealing with the big, wicked chunks,  while the female is sweeping nooks and crannies for all the evil tiny bits.  Ehehehehe!  They have to shake out a whole bunch of aprons and potholders and dust off the chip bags.  And every now and then, they have to stop and pick the glass out of the bottoms of their shoes.  This is going to take forever.

All accompanied by pitiful meowing and a good deal of scratching.

(much, much later)

The humans have done all they can do—for now. The floor has been swept and swept again.  It has been gone over with a wet towel.  The box-o-glass has been taped shut and placed in the trash.  The cats have been let out and mollified.   No doubt more bits of glass will be discovered in the future, but what can one do?

The casualties are extensive.  Not only are the humans out one large casserole, but the plummeting vessel broke the wooden cutting board that was on the counter.  The human female has tried, but it really can’t be glued back together.  There was enough glass in the  ancient toaster that neither human felt certain they had cleaned it all out, so the toaster has been disposed of as well.   This has turned out to be a delightfully expensive prank!

It also raises a deep, philosophical and mathematical question:

How can an eight-pound dish make ten pounds of shards???

(still later)

A trip to the local store and the cutting board and toaster have been replaced.  The casserole, however, is another story.  Who knew that four-quart dishes were so difficult to find?  The humans are now online, attempting to source a replacement for what has been a much-used wedding present.

Well, poke my eye out and call me Fury!  It turns out that the dish was part of a series of cooking vessels that is no longer being made.  Used duplicates are available, for a large price, with the postage on such behemoths amounting to more than the price of the dish!  There are no modern equivalents that do not have dismal reviews online.  Tut, tut!  The human male has located a stoneware vessel of approximately the same capacity.  The female is not impressed by its odd shape, fearing it may not fit in the refrigerator easily.

But it is GREEN , mortals, and that trumps everything.  It will be here by next week.

Stop the presses!  UPDATE!   The GREEN dish came, it was a good size, and it was GREEN, and it wasn’t too tall and it was GREEN.  But there is a chip on one handle that has aspirations of being a full-blown crack.  The humans have to send it back, which entails printing out a return tag , repacking the dish, and taking the dish to the local Unrepentant Package Squashers office.  Then they’ll get a credit and can order another one if they choose.

So, still not over!

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