Author: lokispeaks

Ridiculously smart and incredibly good-looking

A Most Massive, Mysterious Box

While the humans were at work today, some delivery man rang the doorbell and ran off before Sigyn or I could answer.  He left behind a rather large and intriguing parcel.

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It looks like it had some rough times on its way.

There’s no telling what it is.  We know it’s from China, though.

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Could be anything.  Willoware service for ten.  Six bolts of Cathay silk.  Forty Chinese Checkers sets.  90 lbs of water chestnuts.  Two baby pandas…

Hmm.  Whatever it is, it isn’t in one piece.  There are long, cylindery bits and carpety bits and a whole bag of hardware.  And everything has little stickers.

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It’s either very woolly bakeware or …

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…something else.

Whatever it is, there are instructions and allen wrenches and muffled cursing and mashed fingers involved.  Watching the humans try to cooperate on any sort of building or home repair project is enormously entertaining!   They’re neither of them very handy and each is sure the other is responsible for all the crooked bits.

(a bit later)

Ah.  Now it makes sense.  It seems no expense is to be spared when it comes to the fur beasts and their amusement.

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I for one welcome our new feline overlords.

>|: [

It, um, wasn’t me

I swear it wasn’t me.

http://www.npr.org/2017/08/15/543702067/truck-with-20-tons-of-nutella-and-chocolate-vanishes-police-hunt-for-semis-sweet?utm_source=tumblr.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20170816

Or Sigyn.

And Fisi was with me all day.

Maybe it was Steve Rogers. No one can be that goody-goody.  Bet it was him.

Or that Tony Stark.  He’s not above a little larceny.

>|: 9

Odin’s Eyepatch! I Was Right!

Saying, “I told you so!” doesn’t always bring satisfaction.  My worst-case scenario imaginings have proven to be preternaturally accurate.

Sigyn and I used to have to share the house with one ancient, somewhat crotchety cat who spent most of her time sleeping, but it appears that the household has been augmented by not one but TWO young, energetic felines.

Sigyn is already smitten by the gray one.  She says it looks “sweet and so, so soooooft.”

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Be careful, beloved!  It might just be lulling you into a false sense of security.

Still, I have reason to believe we might have less to fear from it than from the other, swirly-sided one.

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Stop, you foul beast!  Do not lick my sweetie’s head!

Oh, these two will require careful monitoring as they seem to be very, very pouncy.

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They are quite cunning, as well as ceaseless in their pursuit of amusements.  Cat treats in an empty carton slowed the swirly one down for mere moments.

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Still, I suppose I should look upon this as an opportunity rather than a catastrophe (pun very much intended.)

There is all sorts of mischief I can teach these two.  The prolific shedding is an innate talent, so they need only be introduced to black dress pants and white blouses.

(later)

I believe this is going to be great fun!  I have already taught the Terror Twins to play in their water dishes, scrabble across the laminate in pursuit of toys with the frenzy usually reserved for Stanley Cup finals, sharpen their claws on the doorways, dodge in and out around the humans’ ankles with stealth and agility proportionate to the bulkiness and/or fragility of what the humans are carrying, and meep piteously at 5:00 a.m.  The swirly one eats anything in sight, while the gray one must be shut away with her food until she deigns to finish it, or else the swirly one will ferret it out and wolf it down.

These two felines have two cat beds, a carrier, and two capacious laps upon which to recline.  Yet, at my urging, what are their preferred lounging spots?

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The cardboard box from the grocery,

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and the human female’s laptop bag!  It has gone from being black and smooth to patchily grayish and fluffy.  Ehehehehehe!

Fickleness, thy name is “Feline.”

>|: [

Uh, Oh.

The humans are, by nature, untidy beings.  In this house, the tables are cluttered, the floor needs sweeping, and the less said about the state of the shower, the better.

Against the background squalor, however, new additions to the flotsam and jetsam are often quite noticeable.

Take this for instance.  It has recently appeared.  Sigyn is entertained, but it makes me uneasy for some reason…

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Ugh, Sigyn, don’t hug it.  Look at the gunk caught in its sparklies.  You don’t know where it’s been.

Great Frigga’s Hairpins!  Here’s another new something. Sigyn just sees something furry. I see the eviscerated portent of great and sweeping change.

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Uh, oh.  Sigyn, you know what this means, don’t you?

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(to be continued)

>|: [

The Dead Cat Ballet, Acts I-IV

It is nearly time for the annual Dead Cat Ballet.  You will recall that I recently provided a synopsis of the Overture.  We have now had Act One, in which the human female was informed that a PO was generated for her requisition.  But there already WAS a PO, and the Purveyor of Dead Things was already working to assemble the requisite number of corpses!  Would the human female receive double the Dead Things?! Cue flurry of frantic emails.  Did she need to cancel this new PO?  Yes?  No?  Turns out that the PO number stayed the same as was mentioned in the Overture, but to avoid confusion, a new requisition number was given when the request moved from out-for-bid to bid-awarded.  Because that’s not at all confusing…

Act Two has involved Central Receiving  which, as you recall, is among the dramatis personae for the Ballet because the large trucks from PODT cannot navigate down the alley along which the human female’s workplace is located.  They originally acceded to the human female’s request to receive the shipment from PODT in early August and deliver it to the human female on the 11th.  Except now it is going to be later, a far less auspicious day.  Pick a day, mortals!  I need to know when to make it rain.

Act Three involves outsourced Area Maintenance because, as always, to get ready to receive Dead Things, one must be able to drive a pallet jack through the doorway, which has a nice, convenient post in the middle.  The human female placed a work request to have this done on Ballet Day, only to be told that this is not actual maintenance and so she will have to PAY for the privilege of being able to shuffle Dead Things.  She didn’t ask me.  I could get rid of that pesky post once and for all.  Also some floor tile and some actual doors, but hey, there’d be room for the pallet jack.

Act Four has been a total surprise to everyone involved.  The human female went to the stock room to pick up a few things and was presented with not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE boxes of…..drum roll……dead cats from the Purveyor of Dead Things!  Unexpected, unannounced, and not part of the regularly scheduled Dead Cat Ballet–which, this year, was not even supposed to include Dead Cats.  The human female had to perform some accounting archaeology to figure out which ancient PO these erstwhile pussycats fulfilled.  Any guesses?

LAST August.  That’s correct!  These were ordered LAST August.  Incredible.  Just to make life more interesting, 26 were ordered and 21 were shipped, which raises the question:  If you are going to wait an entire year to ship, why not wait a bit longer and ship the whole benighted order?

That’s all right.  The Departmental Bean Counters are going to just LOVE this partial receipt which is sure now to make this PO overhang the end of one fiscal year and dangle into the next…

And we haven’t even gotten to Ballet Day yet!
>|: [

A Cerasiferous Conundrum

Sigyn, look!  It’s another set of twin cherries!  Maybe you and I should have another try at cherry-pulling.  I did win the last one, you know.

Hmm.  This set of cherries has the stems “helpfully” pre-mangled.  They’d be no use for pulling.  I wonder what happened to them?

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(Twenty minutes earlier)

Whatcha got there, pup?  Cherries, huh?  Never could afford those growing up, and sure didn’t get any in the war.  Gee, I’d really like to try some, but they’re not mine.  Hey, those aren’t yours either!

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Stop!  Bad hyena!  Let go!

: D