Author: lokispeaks

Ridiculously smart and incredibly good-looking

A Cold, White Surprise

Midgardian weather is rather dull.  In this part of the planet, this season usually brings a bit of relief from the scorching of summer.  A respite, if you will, between triple-digit temperatures and the few crisp, clear days that herald winter at this latitude.  Still, one day is much like the next, and it is BORING.

Day before yesterday, it was gray and dreary all day and we had a little bit of rain.  Not that unusual for a December day.

Yesterday, it rained or drizzled ALL Day.  Still not that unusual for this point on the planet’s path around the sun.

Today dawned damp and gray again.   The weathermen said it was going to be cold and cloudy, with a chance of “wintry mix” late in the afternoon.  What on Midgard is “wintry mix”? That could be everything from a sleet/snow concoction to randomized seasonal tunes on the radio to that vile brown powder that purportedly turns into “cocoa” when  you add water.

By mid-morning, this part of the realm was under a broad swath of light rain that extended for hundreds of miles to the west, where temperatures were lower and actual snow was falling.  The human female’s mother e-mailed just to gloat.  I wondered about that until the human female explained that, this far south, snow is so rare a phenomenon that everyone hopes for it, much to the utter bafflement of citizens who live in places with strange names like Buffalo, Missoula, and Schenectady.

Clearly, they have never spent much time in Jotunheim, or they might have a different opinion of frozen precipitation.

The humans and Sigyn have somewhere to go after work tonight.  I am teasing them on the way with a few little, sleety balls mixed into the rain, my meterological way of saying, “Neener neener neener.”

(later)

They have come out again, to the sight of half a thousand young Midgardians losing their tiny minds over this:

snow5.jpg

Some of them have never seen snow before.  Even the human female, who hails from a part of the state where snow is a possibility once or twice a winter, is fairly giddy with delight.

I must admit, it is rather picturesque.

snow4

I had planned on just a few brief flurries, which is more than sufficient to snarl traffic in these parts, but it turns out that my beloved is a huge fan of crystalized dihydrogen oxide particles.

So I am getting my Frost Giant on and making it start to snow harder and, what is more important, to stick.

snow1

A quarter hour later, and it is up to our knees, as you can see.  (Apparently, the human female’s phone camera does not like “dark with tiny moving objects.”)

It is snowing so hard that when Sigyn tried to make a snow angel, her precious little divot filled in almost as soon as she climbed out of it.

snow2

I am too dignified to lie down in this stuff.

snow3

I have not let it get cold enough for this to stick on the roads, which means we should make it home safely, but all bets are off for tomorrow morning, when all this wet stuff should be ice.

Bonus image:

snow6

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Yule Marketing, Part III: It Might Be Time to Get Out of Here

Sigyn has been distracted away from the constellation Ursa Gummosa Majora by something bright red in the housewares department.  Sigyn, do you even know what that is?

WM-red

Because I sure don’t.

But there are some interesting candle enclosures over…

…there.

WM-terrarium

Love her dearly; can’t take her anywhere.

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Yule Marketing, Part II: More Festive Findings and Holiday Hazards

You will doubtless be relieved to know that, thanks to my quick thinking and my magic, we escaped becoming Tyrannosaurus Chow.  We are quite recovered now and back to poking among the imported oddments.

Well, now, this is interesting.

wmvolcano

It would come in very handy at boring Midgardian dinner parties.  I’m sure that, with a few sorcerous tweaks, I can have this little beauty spewing actual lava

Where’s Sigyn?!  Oh, no!  Did she run afoul of more lizards—or more glassware?

Ah, no.  I should have known.  She has merely fallen under the spell of pure-buttery goodness.

wmshortbread

We had tiny doggies the last two times, my love, do you recall?  Perhaps it is the year for a  more silvicultural repast.

What do you have there, Sigyn?   Sigyn?  Uh, oh.  Sigyn has become mesmerized, dazzled into tonic immobility by the prospect of a full pound of sugar, glucose, red dye and cherry flavoring…

wmgiantgummy

I wonder how far that beast would s  t  r  e  t  c  h?  I’m thinking about four feet, if the atmospheric conditions were right and the pullers were motivated by a promised reward of chunks of ursine goo..

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Yule Marketing, Part I: Making New Friends (?)

Great Frigga’s hairpins!  It is nearly Yule-tide again.  How did that happen?  I turn my back for one minute, and it’s time for all of the tinsel and wrapping and fa-la-la-ing again.  Didn’t we just DO this?

The mortals are out and about with the intent to purchase giftimentos for their kin.  Sigyn and I have tagged along.  Sigyn, because she just adores this time of year; me, because I don’t trust her safety to the humans, not for one second.

I will admit that this market is somewhat less boring than some I have been in.  It appears to have little what-nots and edibles from all over Midgard.

Also some shady-looking characters.  Sigyn, do you really want to be trying to make friends with these canines?

wmdogs

I mean, dogs in sweaters—with eyeliner?  That’s just not normal.  And those eyes that are facing one another?  Both blackened!  Obviously, these two are brawlers.  You’d do best not to get mixed up with them.

Oh, my.  Yes,  my love, that is a lot of poofy hoofstock.  All decked out for Yule in peppermint tassels and ribbons.

wmllamas

And they appear to come in both chocolate and vanilla.

And to be sweet-natured.

wmrideallama

Sigyn, is there an actual animal under all that floof?

Odin’s Eyepatch!  A foul thunder-lizard has appeared!

wmtrex

Unhand my sweetie this instant, you villainous theropod!  If you so much as scratch a single one of her corset grommets, I will END YOU.

<snuffling noises>

wmdoubledino

It’s right behind me, isn’t it?

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to be continued…

 

Quiz Time! Frost Giant or Feline? Super Extra Bonus Question

This morning, the humans were greeted by a very curious sight.   It would appear that the felines’ little red lobster has learned some acrobatics.

lobsteracrobat

That is a most accomplished crustacean!  It has skipped right over downward dog,  child’s pose, and even tree pose and gone straight to Salamba Sirasana. Although one can’t help but wonder if such a pose is consistent with the continued health and optimal functioning of the creature’s eyeballs.

Now, I’m sure that this creature, not having a great deal of room in its cephalothorax for a brain, did not come up with this stunt all on its own.  It obviously had help.  Given my delight in leaving little surprises for the humans and the felines’ ability to do strange things with their toys:  FROST GIANT or FELINES?

Actually, this is another trick question, because it seems we have actual photographic evidence of the deed in progress.

sigynlobster

Why Sigyn, you little scamp!

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Quiz Time! Frost Giant or Feline? BONUS question!

Observe, if you will, this piece of paper take-out napkin upon the living room floor.

papermess1

It lies next to an equally shredded piece of ribbon or strapping or fabric or shoelace or… something.   I don’t know what it is.  The humans have a lot of junk.

Now, given that I think it’s funny to leave bits of cruft and recyclables out for the humans to have to bend over and pick up, and that the Terror Twins have a penchant for leaving their playthings strewn about —and paper is most definitely a plaything — tell me:  FROST GIANT or FELINE?

Ehehehehehehe!  Actually, this is a TRICK QUESTION because who am I kidding?

I have recruited these two and they work for me now.

papermess2

The humans’ new excuse for the state of the house is, “Sorry.  We were the victims of a Cat Two hurricane.”

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Quiz Time! Frost Giant or Feline? (Part II)

Our quiz continues today, with more evidence of foul play in the humans’ household.  For each question, your job is to decide —FROST GIANT or FELINES?  Keep in mind that all the suspects are sly, nimble, and hell-bent on mischief.

Question 5:  A Place for Everything and Everything All Over the Place

quiz-pen

Sharpie permanent markers are infinitely useful.  Having a few handy in several spots is just good home management.  However, under the cat tree is not their usual habitat.  Given that I like to see the human female frustrated when it comes time to label containers of leftovers or address packages and that anything not nailed down is a cat toy — FROST GIANT or FELINES?   

Question 6:  Very Probably Not Long for This World

quiz-violet

The human female is quite fond of African violets.  She has some that have passed their quarter-century mark!  This one is not doing very well.  it seems that its decorative cache pot had no drainage holes and the poor thing was standing in water for quite some time.  Since the symptoms of overwatering are much like those of underwatering, the human female kept giving it “drinkies.”  The horrid pot is gone now, but this little fellow also looks a little sat-upon and may never recover.  Given that I have helped with home horticulture before and that kitties are fond of sunny windowsills — FROST GIANT or FELINES?

Question 7:  A Protective Covering Doing Its Job

quiz-bookcover

The humans have so many books that some of them are in piles on the floor or leaning up against pieces of furniture.  This splendid two-volume set about the glories of Venice came in a decorative slipcase.  As we all know, the purpose of a slipcase is to protect the tomes within, and this one looks to be adhering to those parameters.  Given my distaste for Byzantine architecture and the Taffy’s predilection for sharpening her talons on any available surface — FROST GIANT or FELINES?

So– How did you do?  Did you determine how to apportion blame in this household?  Who deserves the longer time out, me or the furry felons?   Is there any chance the human female will survive all this mayhem with her sanity intact?

(More to the point, why do the humans have a single-volume version of that Venice book if they also have the two-volume??  That’s just nuts.)

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