Naughty Loki

Zooward, Ho!, Part VI: Making My Own Fun

Sigyn would live at the zoo if she could.  I, on the other hand, tend to reach the animal-saturation point about two hours in.  I can only look at so many fuzzy behinds and beady eyes before I start to get restless and bored.  (And if you’ve seen one hoof, you’ve seen them all, amiright?)   If we stay here much longer, I may start Doing Things, and that would probably not be good.


Must… hold… out.  Must… Behave…  Arrrgh!  No, I can’t help it!  I am beyond bored and I’ve got to do something or I’ll explode!  Time to have a little fun.

All right, Sigyn, you are about to see some zoo animals no one else ever has!

Behold!  I have improved the rhinoceros!


Though I think my adjustments to the elephant may not be as successful.


I hope you’re taking pictures!  See?  I made you a pigiraffe!  It has a cute little curly tail and everything!


You must admit, the tiganda is a very handsome beast!


What?  You don’t like it?  That’s okay, I have other ideas.

The polargaroo will no longer be bothered by a squirmy baby in her pouch.  She’s also now adapted to both hot and cold environments!


The cowhorse looks quite content with my alterations.


Though the pigger seems a little bemused…


…and the ponyda more than a tad despondent.


Perhaps he’s not happy with the new tricolor scheme.

Sigyn, I don’t know why you’re getting upset.  I’m making things better and more exciting!  How can you not love the snazzy panger and the dapper tigermoo?


All right, all right– I’ll stop sticking heads on different bodies.

But I do have some loose ends (literally!) that I need to tidy up.


What?  A giralion is a wonderful beast–it’s very quiet and extremely cheap to feed!

And the panpolo never makes a poopy mess in its cage.


Okay, okay, OKAY!  Great Frigga’s corset!  You’d think I was murdering the zoo’s inhabitants instead of updating them and adding new features.  I’ll stop mixing up the animal bits and start putting everyone back the boring way that they were.

Although I’m not sure how I’m going to get Baby away from his proud and doting new daddy…


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Zooward, Ho!, Part V: Among the Slithery, Scaly, and Slimy Things

Grrr.  As if we haven’t had enough blechy weather this spring, it is starting to sprinkle AGAIN!  Sigyn and I have made a dash for the reptile house, which, though devoid of furry creatures, is at least indoors.

This is a beautifully designed facility, I must say. The background murals are quite effective.

I will admit a certain… fondness for snakes.  This handsome fellow is not nearly as good at cryptic coloring as he thinks he is.


But he color coordinates nicely with this poison arrow frog.


Usually poison arrow frogs are tiny, shy, and hard to see.  This supersized batrachian beauty, however, is downright eager to have his photo taken.

Sigyn wants to be friend with all of the animals, and it appears that they would all like to interact with her as well.


Um, dear heart, I know you think that cobra’s being friendly, but that marking on his hood isn’t a smiley face.

This lizard is just hanging around–literally.


That prehensile tail is a handy appendage.  Hmm.  I might have to gift the felines at home with something similar.  It would help them be even BETTER climbers!

These two turtles seem quite amiable.  That’s a pretty small habitat, though.  I think it needs something.


That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.


Sigh.  Hang on, sweetie.  Loki’s coming.

Looks like the alligator is in the display tank today.  Smile, Sigyn, and I’ll take your photo!


On one condition—you are not allowed to go in swimming with him.

If my beloved makes it out of here in one piece, it’ll be a miracle.

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Zooward, Ho!, Part IV: Curiosities from the Antipodes

Sigyn is quite keen to visit the Australia exhibit and study some “cuddlies from Down Under,” as she puts it.

So now the high-pitched noise you hear is my beloved squeeing at the tiny baby joey this mother kangaroo is carrying.


She’s so excited that she’s forgotten that she has a camera and could capture this precious moment.

Wait…  Something’s going on!  The mother kangaroo is fishing in her pouch and…


She’s letting Sigyn hold her baby!  Sigyn will be talking about this for months!  I have picked up the dropped camera and now have a photo to prove it really happened. 

It was only with great difficulty that I was able to pry Sigyn from the previous exhibit.

Great Frigga’s corset!  Look, my love! It is quite unusual to see a koala eschew its accustomed arboreal habitat.


It’s even rarer to find one that has evolved a removable nose!


Sly little pachyderm!


I think we’d best alert zoo staff that one of their African Savannah animals has gone walkabout…

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Midgardians Don’t Need My Help

Some days I think it is going to take years of hard work to achieve the complete domination of Midgard and its denizens.  Other days, I’m pretty sure the foolish mortals are going to stupid themselves out of existence and I’ll have no populace left to rule over.

Case in point:  In this part of the realm, the citizens got together today to choose those who would contest (at a future date) to rule them.


I wasn’t allowed to participate.  Some silly thing about aliens not being allowed to vote or my not having the proper identification or splashing all the campaign signs with green paint and pasting on “Loki for God Emperor” stickers.  One of those, probably.

But as I said, with choices like these, all I need to do is sit back and wait for Midgard to drop into my lap like a ripe plum.  Behold this idiot’s legal name:


Lest you think one faction has a monopoly on absurdity, take a look at the other slate of options:


Oh, yes, that’s the one you want.

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Where Expensive Equipment Goes to Die

It’s a sad fact of science that equipment breaks, especially with undergrads around.  It’s a sadder fact of life with me around that the likelihood of a piece of apparatus malfunctioning is directly proportional to its usefulness and is proportional to the square of its price.

The human female and her Prep Staff have thoughtfully provided Broken Equipment Forms in every room, whereupon the teaching assistants note what item is broken, a detailed yet concise description of what the problem is, what they were doing to it when it gave up the ghost, and what feeble attempts they might have made to repair it.  They then leave the form and the equipment in a prominent place in the lab room where Prep Staff can find them.

That’s the theory, anyway.   As often as not, I see to it that the TAs are busy teaching when something fails to function, and Prep Staff just finds a lonely thingamajig sitting out later with a cryptic note next to it (or not.)

Today I’m visiting room 317.  This is where all the spare bits like bulbs and cords and batteries are kept.  It’s also the Broken Equipment Graveyard, where all the dead things go.  Also the things that are only mostly dead.  Prep Staff will take a look and do what they can for each patient.  Whatever they can’t fix gets sent to the Instrument Shop.  When the Shop can’t resurrect something, this is where solemn, respectful final rites are held before the deceased is cannibalized for parts.

Let’s take a look around.  Odin’s Eyepatch!  It’s like an mechanical leper colony in here!

This is the kind of thoughtful, detailed note Prep Staff gets, carefully penned on the appropriate form.


Obviously, the difficulty was that the 40x and 100x objectives on this compound microscope were not giving a clear image.  Just as obviously, when the scope was examined, the problem failed to manifest.

Here’s another:


I think I see the problem.  The problem is room 322.

Whoever left this one at least tried to point out where the problem is.


I love this next one.  Short. Terse.


Completely lacking any indication of what bone-headed maneuver produced the damage.   Because, of course, nothing is ever anyone’s fault.

Ah, here’s a broken equipment form truly after my own heart.  Behold.


Here are a couple more.  What room are they from?  What’s wrong?  Who knows!


Uh, oh.  The dreaded Left Ocular Broken.


Tsk, tsk.  Oculars.  For something that the students aren’t really supposed to mess with, they seem to break a lot.  The lenses inside come loose, and when they do, there really isn’t a way to fix them.  (Fun Fact:  most adhesives that would fix a lens in place give off gases that instantly and permanently cloud glass.)

Thus the human female ends up trying to buy replacements.  They look like this:


Looks like something that should be a few dollars, max, right?

Uh, no.  Turns out that precision optics don’t come cheap, when the human female can even find them.  I’ve seen to it that about half of the microscopes on the floor are discontinued models, so the manufacturer won’t sell her replacement parts.  The poor woman has been forced to descend into the world of after-market surplus and refurbished parts.  She knows a guy who knows a guy…

She’s located someone who’s willing to sell her something that is “100% guaranteed to fit your model.”  Of course, they won’t work with the original equipment, so they must be installed in pairs.

And bought singly:

ocular price

Ouch.  (Ehehehehe)

But she has gritted her teeth and submitted the PO.  It has been approved and sent to the vendor.  Except, just for funsies (love that Midgardian word.  “Funsies”–heh!) it never arrived.  The vendor has not set eyes upon it.  It’s as if it has just evaporated into the ether.  Dear me, where could it be?

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