Naughty Loki

Shopping and Seasonal Silliness, Part I: They Probably Shouldn’t Let Us In Here

The humans are visiting the local international-type-emporium because the male has learned that they have his super-uber-favorite candy, ginger-flavored gummy bears, for sale.  They are very hard to come by, so he is excited.  The fool has yet to figure out that I routinely divert 99.2% of the supply destined for the U.S. to my own private warehouse.  I’ve a stash large enough now that I could make him dance to my tune for the rest of his life, just by dangling the odd bag under his nose from time to time.

Ehehehehe!  They have made the trip all the way over here, only to discover that there is one (1), count them:  one bag available for purchase!  The mix of simultaneous disappointment and gratitude on his face is both pathetic and hilarious.  My day is made!

But while we’re here, Sigyn, let us look around and see what else is on offer.  We’ve run into some unusual offerings before.

Um.  Wow.

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Next time I feel the urgent need for punny cocktail napkins featuring cartoonish members of the Phyllophaga, I will know where to come.

Sigyn, come look at these!

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I suddenly feel the fridge at the house is woefully under-decorated, don’t you?  And perphaps if I put the hippo and elephant butts right at eye-level, she could finally make some traction on that diet she’s always whining about.

Usually, when we are here, Sigyn manages to get herself trapped in something.  Today, though, I hopes we’ll make it out of here unsca–

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I spoke too soon.

Thankfully, she does not seem to be in any distress.  While I contemplate how to retrieve my beloved, I can ask this deeply philosophical question.  What is cuter that a smiling Sigyn face?

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Multiple smiling Sigyn faces!

Hang on, sweetie.  Loki’s coming!

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Behold the Slide

Remember, O reader, the order of  microscope slides for which the invoice went to the University’s campus in Qatar Not once but twice?  The order that was partially back-ordered, with each part of the shipment being billed to the fine folks in the Persian Gulf?  The order for which the human female spent many hours on the phone and with email, trying to straighten out the billing so that she could pay for her thrice-damned microscope slides?

I thought you might want to see what all the fuss has been about.

schistosome slide

Behold Schistosoma japonicum.  Three of these slides formed the back-ordered portion of the order.  You see, it take a while to prepare them, since each features not one but two parasitic beasts–a tiny male surrounded by a more massive female.  Yes.  You read that right.  Schistosoma japonicum in flagrante delicto.

These slides arrived last year.  Last week the human female received yet another tender note from her colleagues in Qatar, a note which enclosed a note from the Vendor Who’s Responsible helpfully pointing out that the account is now 120 days in arrears. 

Cue wailing and gnashing of teeth.  The human female remonstrated yet again with the Vendor Who’s Responsible, begging them to do as the original PO says and submit the invoice to the proper email address.

All good fun comes to an end, I suppose, because the invoice was finally correctly submitted to the Bean Counters here on the main campus.

Who refused to pay it.

For you see, in my quest to make the human female’s life as frustrating as possible, I had the Vendor Who’s Responsible engulf the entity now known as the Vendor Who Was Swallowed Up By The Vendor Who’s Responsible, in much the same way that the large female schistosome surrounds and dwarfs the much smaller male.  The original order was made to the smaller company, but the invoice was sent by the Vendor Who’s Responsible.  The invoice could not be paid because the vendor names do not match.

The human female pleaded, and tried to explain the situation, outlining how the two entities were fundamentally the same, and would they pleeeeeeese pay the invoice?

What is that delightful Midgardian expression?  “No dice.”  Is that right?  The Bean-counters cancelled the invoice and demanded that the Vendor Who’s Responsible issue a new one with the name of the VWRSbVWR instead.

Which they won’t do.

So now, the Vendor Who’s Responsible, sick unto death of trying to sort this out, has given up in defeat and cancelled that line item of the original PO, saying, “Forget it, pretend you never ordered those amorous schistos, and let us never speak of this again.”

You would think that this would bring an end to the human female’s misery, and that six months is a good enough run for a bit of mischief.

But you’d be wrong.

The latest email from the Bean Counters on campus to the Customer Service Rep at the Vendor Who’s Responsible is short, sweet, and promises more fun to come:

“Per your email below, I have cancelled PO line item 4 on the PO.  What about the other PO lines?  I do not see where we have been invoiced for them.”

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I Made Art

All of this talk of carpentry and construction has made me want to be a little creative myself.  I think that today I shall dabble in modern, avant garde sculpture.  Using found objects is very “in” these days, so I shall poke around and see what’s to hand in the human female’s workplace.

Hmm.  There are the usual beakers and dissection specimens, nitrile gloves and various bits of apparatus.

The Anatomy and Physiology students are doing a unit on cardiopulmonary physiology this week, and this tub of spirometer parts gives me an idea.

respirometer1

A dastardly, brilliant idea.

The Anatomy and Physiology tech has brought the human female and her Intro Bio techs two large bags full of mouthparts for autoclaving, so….

Later:

Look, Sigyn!  I made sure their biohazard bags were not autoclavable and BEHOLD!!

respirometer2

I call it “Two Bags’-worth of Mouthpieces Covered In Slag”  As with many works of art, the true genius is in the details.  The bag plastic has completely adhered to the neoprene mouthpieces.  Look how it catches the light!  It’s a not-so-subtle statement about finding beauty in the ruined and about society’s dependency on plastics and other man-made substances which will ultimately betray us, choking off the very air we breathe.

And like all the best art, it’s participatory.  Ehehehehehe!  It is going to take the human female and two of her techs about two hours to pick all the little bits of melted plastic off the mouthpieces—which aren’t event theirs.

Great Frigga’s Corset!  They’ve broken out the acetone to help loosen the plastic!  Sigyn it is time for us to be elsewhere!

(still later)  The best part of this bit of mischief?  A & P ultimately decided to THROW AWAY all the mouthparts!

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Beware! The Human Female is About to Be Handy!

Thor’s bitty ballpeen!  Everyone stand back!  The human female proposes to do things with power tools!

It all started with one of the new lab exercises. The professor wants the students to study bunches upon tons of manies of tiny seedlings on plates to study inheritance patterns in blue jeans.  (I think that’s what she said.)  All those plates will need to sit up on edge while the seedlings grow, so he suggested these:

tacorack

Neat and clean, but pricey in the quantities that will be needed.  The human female and one of her techs propose, therefore, to do a little carpentry.

They have a plan:

arabidopsisracks3

And a prototype:

arabidopsis racks3

Turns out that if you space the pegs out just so, the plates will lean at the appropriate angle and the holes need not be drilled on a slant.  Pity.  I was looking forward to wonky pegs.

The tech is going to have the boards for the bases cut by the lumber yard and is going to use the Instrument Shop’s drill press for making all of the holes.  The human female has volunteered to use the Shop’s big bandsaw  to cut all of the pegs from dowels.

Hmm.  To help or not to meddle help?  On the one hand, projects like this offer almost limitless opportunity for mischief, from binding the wood in the saw, making the saw overheat, and throwing sawdust everywhere, to doling out migraines to go with the loud NNNNNNYEEEARRRRRRRR of the saw, not to mention the messy glue that will be involved later.  Fourteen pegs per rack, one rack per section, forty sections plus a few racks for stock plates—we could be talking real carnage here.

On the other hand, the human female has demonstrated that, given edged tools, she is more than capable of creating the necessity for one of these all by her little lonesome.

need for kitchen

If nothing else, I shall tag along to watch…

(to be continued…)

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If You Want Something Done Right, You Have to Do It Yourself

As much as it pains to me admit to any failing, I have to admit that I have fallen a bit behind in my plans for world conquest.  More specifically, I have not yet built my Fortress Supreme, my Glorious Capitol, my Magical Hidey-hole.

I think perhaps part of the problem is that I have been looking at photos and making drawings, fiddling with floor plans and trying to work it all out on paper.  It’s hard to get a real feel for a  magnificent edifice when working in only two dimensions.  I need some heft!

Which is why I am quite gratified that one of the human male’s new games involves the construction of mighty buildings.  Surely with the playing pieces in hand I will come up with some concrete, achievable ideas. (Ehehehehe!  “Concrete”!  See what I did there?  Just kidding.  Stone is totally the way to go.  Stone and stained glass.  Stone and stained glass and plenty of glittering gilding everywhere.  Plus a magnificent garden, a room for a zoological collection of monsters, and enough space for the pony which I promised Sigyn.)

The pieces for the game are fairly detailed.

citygame1

They are built for stacking, three stories to a piece.  They’re all roughly cubic, so a curvilinear design is right out, but it is still better than a flat sketch.

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There are no pieces of a good, godly green, so I will have to make do with the yellow, orangey, teal, and blue ones.

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I don’t want to say anything, but the multi-hued monstrosity that Sigyn is building is quite gaudy.

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Sadly, even with a somber gray cap, it is still an eyesore.  Oh, very well.  Perhaps it is “short and cute,”  much like its builder.  But it lacks a certain gravitas.

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For real dignity, tall and monochromatic is definitely the way to go.

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Cleaning Up One of the Human Female’s Mistakes

I want it on record that I don’t always cause mischief and break things.  Sometimes I actually fix things!  Today, for example, I am taking care of one of the human female’s blunders.  One of her coworkers has a quaint little penguin made largely of seashells, and the human female oafishly knocked into it and sent it hurtling toward the ground, breaking off one of its wings.  She’s too ham-fisted for delicate repair work, so I offered to help with the repairs, with Sigyn as my lovely assistant.

See?  Here is the patient.

broken penguin1

You will observe that on the right side he has a fine, healthy wing.

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Whereas on the left side—

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I know.  It IS very sad.  Poor, brave penguin.  But as you can see, I’ve got the wing.  All we need to do is reattach it.  I will prep the bird for surgery.  You go fetch the wherewithal to mend him.

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Mmmm.  No.  I don’t think that will hold.  We need something stronger.

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Well, yes, tape probably would get the wing to stay on, but, my love, we want to do this as invisibly as possible.

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Um.  Yes, all right.  This stuff would hold the wing on, but it dries rather rubbery and flexible.  We need a good, solid glue.

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Augh!

Sigh.  You’re getting warmer, dearest.  Glue is definitely the way to go, but isn’t there something stronger in the house?  Go check in the catch-all drawer in the kitchen.  There’s bound to be something in there that would work.

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Bingo!  This will do the trick nicely.  Mister Penguin will have to sit quietly for a day or two, but he should be just fine afterwards.  We’ll have him recuperate in the garage, though, because by Idunn’s itty bitty apples, this stuff stinks!

There!  He’ll be good as new!  Sigyn, why don’t you lead him off to rest while I think of clever and delightful ways to affix the human female’s belongings to various inconvenient surfaces and objects…