Random Mischief

Dental Hygiene Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

The human female doesn’t have a “beauty routine”—and believe me, it shows—but she’s usually pretty good in the cleanliness department.  I mean, she doesn’t reek or anything.  (Unless she’s been doing yardwork, in which case all bets are off.)  She washes her face and combs her hair and prefers clean clothes to dirty ones.  If there’s one thing she excels at, though, it’s tooth-brushing.  I understand that she spent a lot of ugly duckling years undergoing orthodontic rearrangement, so she’s sporting an expensive set of (sadly still misaligned) chompers that she wants to take care of.

She was brushing said teeth this morning when she felt a bit of breakfast get stuck between her two front teeth on the bottom.   Like the dutiful drone that she is, she then reached for the floss, and when she flossed, she felt something fall out over her lip and into the sink.  She’s curious by nature, so she looked in the mirror to see if she’d removed the offending particle. What she saw made her search for the offending particle in the sink in disbelief  She scooped it up, and here it is.

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(poke, poke, poke)  Is that what I think it is?!  No!  Ewww, Sigyn, look but don’t touch.  I’m magically protected against her cooties but we can’t take the chance that you’re not immune.

What I have in my hand is…

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one corner of her lower left central incisor.  It just— “poof”— cracked and fell off.  She keeps poking at the broken edge with her tongue, and apparently there’s a REALLY sharp and pointy point left there, because not only does the tooth hurt, but she’s sliced up her tongue a little too.

Now, we all know that “Schadenfreude” is my middle name, but even I draw the line at tooth owies.  They’re just no fun.

There’s a part of me, though, that is beyond tickled that she now has a dentist appointment, the annual smash-the-frontal-lady-bits, and jury duty all in the same month!  If I can get her to lose her keys or suffer a flat tire, I’ll have a bingo.

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Seasonally Appropriate Missing Bits

The human female is still waiting for the Missing Bits of her fancy new transilloomini-whatsits.

When they weren’t in the box, she immediately called the account rep from They Had One Mission And Stumbled, who was suitably perplexed.  Yes, the rep said, the Missing Bits were supposed to be part of the unit.  No, they weren’t something that had to be ordered separately.  Yes, she would speak to the manufacturer.  No, she didn’t think the human female deserved to get the whole order free for her trouble.

So the rep did call the manufacturer and ask about the Missing Bits.  The manufacturer was appalled.  Appalled that someone would question the packing and delivery of one of their fine instruments.  Surely the human female had simply overlooked the tiny circle of orange plastic tucked securely into its own bubble-padded envelope admist all the other bubble packing.  And, just as surely, she had also overlooked the 8″ x 10″ rectangle of fluorescent orange plastic which was definitely included.

Um, no.  When I mischief, I mischief good.  The Missing Bits were indeed missing.

Grudgingly, the manufacturer agreed to send replacements.  The human female has been waiting rather impatiently, since the apparatus is definitively useless without the Missing Bits.

A Promising Box has been fetched from the stockroom, where it was just delivered.

Could it be?  It is!  The long lost Missing Bits!

Or one of them, anyway.  Behold the Large Orange Rectangle of Viewyness.

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Yeah, I can totally see how one of these could be overlooked in a package.

Is the other, smaller Missing Bit in the box as well?

Clever Sigyn!  You found it!

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It is indeed a critical piece!  Without this little orange filter, the ability to photograph the gel with a camera phone is lost, and one might as well not have this apparatus at all.

What do things look like when viewed through it?  What do you see?

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Sigyn’s report:  “Everything looks all pumpkin spice-y!”

*sigh*  I bet it does, love.  I bet it does.

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A Capsicum With A Secret

The human female bought a pepper yesterday, to slice up and eat with the beany glop known as “hummus.”  Apparently “hummus” is what it’s called in its native country.  And here I always thought it was called that because that’s the coughy-gaggy noise you make when you’re trying to get the taste of chickpeas and sesame out of your mouth afterwards.

So now she’s going to cut up the pepper.  WAIT!  Sigyn, did you hear that?  That pepper rattled!

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Ehehehe!  The human female is looking at her pepper with grave distrust and then at me and then back to the pepper.  What?  You think I did something to it?  Put a little surprise inside?  Maaaaybe I did… Maybe there’s a great big bug in there?  Wouldn’t that be funny!

Go ahead.  Open ‘er up.  If you dare.

By Idunns’ little apples!  It’s inhabited!

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The golden orange pepper has spawned a twisted little yellow and green pepper!

I did not know they could do that.

Hey!  What if it’s like those Russian nesting dolls?   Maybe there’s a smaller pepper inside the little pepper.  Keep slicing, human, and let’s get to the bottom of this!

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Sadly empty.  I feel so cheated.

But it does give me some ideas for a few nifty vegetable-based pranks….

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It’s All Sorts of Untrustworthy Up In Here

Sigyn and I have accompanied the mortals on their weekly grocery run.  While they peruse the canned goods and debate the merits of one brand of toothpaste over another, my beloved and I are free to look around at the things that are not groceries.

Sigyn is quite charmed by these succulents in the home goods aisle. Succulents are all the rage these days.

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Yes, my love, they are quite pretty.  And colorful, too, yes.  And most assuredly easy to care for.  Oh, you think we should get some, as the Terror Twins might be less likely to gnaw on these than on the other houseplants?  I suspect you are correct.  Because they are plastic.

Speaking of felines…  There is a portly, overly-cheerful one and its equally smiley kin in the new little tea cafe near the front of the store.

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I rarely trust cats, and I can tell this crew is up to something.  No one smiles this much unless they are Up To Something.  I should know.

(Hey, Sigyn, how is a beckoning lucky cat statue like a flat, round, tasteless candy?  They’re both Neko-wavers!  Ba-dum tsss!)

The little cafe has some interesting wall art, too.  There are some flowers, and there is a pagoda and …

Sweet Glittering Bifrost!

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Can’t I go anywhere without running into depictions of my stupid, oafish “brother”?  Even when it doesn’t really have his big, dumb face, it’s still his big, dumb face.

My day is spoilt.  Let’s go home.

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Auspicious, But Only For Felines

What with the heat and all the late nights at work and the book editing and the yardwork and the housework (which the human female will cite as a reason, but which, believe me, she is not doing), it’s a rare night indeed when the humans feel like making dinner when they get home.

That is how we’ve ended up with delicious Chinese take-out for dinner tonight.  I’ve no complaints.  I like a good orange chicken as much as the next fellow, though Sigyn usually opts for the tofu and vegetables, since nothing with a face went into it.

Well, that was good.  Time for fortune cookies!  They’re a ridiculous Midgardian custom, but I think they’re fun anyway.

Here’s mine:

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Everything except THIS FORTUNE! 

Sigyn, what does yours say?

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Great Frigga’s corset!   That’s…not nice.  I think I shall have to have a word with a certain cookie manufacturer.

On the bright side, the paper bag and the plastic bag that the food came in apparently makes the best crinkly noises EVER! 

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Predictable…

No visit to the Big City to the South would be complete without a visit to the Large Market.  I don’t really expect to find anything new or exciting, but Sigyn likes to talk to the fruit and flowers and sing little songs to the lobsters in the tank, both of which I find completely adorable, so it makes my day.

Sigyn says the label means these fruits speak French.

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“Bonjour Monsieur Banane! Vous avez l’air très ensoleillé aujourd’hui. C’est un jaune très flatteur.”

“Don’t worry, apples.”

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“The new crop will be coming in soon, but I’m sure someone will buy you before then.”

The store is decorated with semi-locally grown flowers today.

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Sigyn wants a boost so she can reach up and make the snapdragons actually snap.

They’re really pushing this sausage.    I wonder how hot it is?

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And if the humans would notice if I slipped it into their recipes?

Sigyn thinks this wine’s  goat label is cute.

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Nice horns, I must admit.

More goaty stuff:

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Fig and black pepper goat cheese?  That sounds just like the frou-frou sort of thing the humans would eat.  I bet they actually buy some.

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“Miss Peony, you’re sure looking cute!

“Your ruffly dress is a beaut!

“I certainly think

It’s a nice shade of pink!

And real comfy to sit in, to boot!”

My sweetie the poetess, ladies and gentlemen.
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