Spoiled Kitties, Part II: Some New Friends

Since the Terror Twins have misplaced  (or flat-out annihilated) so many of their toys, the humans have actually gone and bought them more, in the (vain) hope that they will play with the toys and stop knocking over trash cans and jumping on the tables.

I suspect that some of them may make a detour on the way to the felines…

niplobster

Yes, Sigyn, this is a very exceptional and obliging lobster.  Certainly, if it is willing, you may go for a ride.  Just mind the claws.

I haven’t got the heart to tell her that this cute and friendly crustacean will probably be blind and antenna-less inside a week.

The human female’s mother went to a lot of trouble to pick out and mail some colorful rodents she thought Taffy and Flannel might like.   Can’t speak for the cats, but my sweetie is certainly excited!

threenewmice

They are firmly attached to the card, but one simple spell and all the vermin are freed!

releasingthemice

Blue-ears (who has a rather alarming tendency to list to port)  has already been dragged under the table by Flannel Cat.

flannel-mouse

So long, Blue-ears.  It was nice knowing you.

If Flannel has Blue-ears and Taffy is chasing Pink-ears up and down the hallway, what will become of Orange–?

Oh.

newfriendmouse

Sigh.  I think I have acquired a new pet.

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Spoiled Kitties, Part I: So Many Toys

The human female would insist that she and the male don’t spoil the Terror Twins.  Oh, is that so?   Then how do you explain the fact that this house is just littered with toys?  I am growing weary of stepping on them in the middle of the night when I get up to do a little mischief.  (Though it is fun to hear the humans trip and curse!)  The floor of the whole house is one big feline playground.  As well as the no-man’s-land under the sofa.

Look, Sigyn!  Have you ever seen so many feline amusements all in one place?

It’s not always pretty.   Here we have a pom-pom which has obviously known better days.

defunct pom

It appears to be hemorrhaging yarn.

Most of the toys have names.  This one is Chicken Nugget.

chickennugget

It has a sibling, in a dark leopard print, that the human female calls Rotten Nugget.  Charming.

This is Nipfish.  Like most of the toys, the felines are only interested in it if it is being thrown.  Just lying here, it is a very boring fish.

nipfish

With her usual lack of imagination, the human female has dubbed these Blue Mousie and Green Mousie.   Green Mousie has an owie.

blue-green mousies

Eww!  Sigyn, do not try to comfort the mousies!  Their fur is all stiff and nasty with cat spit.

This is Sparkle Mouse.

sparklemousie

He disappears for days at a time but always resurfaces, a little the worse for wear.  He leaves little sparkly threads all over the house.  But he still has his nose, so there’s that.

This is one of the Tan Mice.  There are two of them.

tanmousie

Flannel and Taffy have the bad habit of chewing bits off their toys.  This one has two little dots left for a face.  I’m not sure if it’s one eye and a nose or two weirdly-situated eyes.  It doesn’t much matter.  They’ll both be gone in a week.

The humans bought a package of three furry mice, since the felines seem to like those best.  There was a black one, a gray one, and a white one.   The gray one is called Hairball Mouse, because that’s what it looks like.  It is missing an ear, which makes Sigyn very sad.   No, my love, don’t pet it—more cat spit.

dustmice

The black one was evidently the most fun to play with, because the kitties used to leave it in the middle of the living room or down the hallway every night.  In the dim light of morning, it was easily mistaken for something that should have been left in the litter box.  Sadly,  Turdmouse disappeared a few weeks back and has not been seen since.   The human thinks she found his nose, though.  It’s hard to be sure. One bit of chewed-up felt looks much like another.

I have taught the felines well.  They can be counted on to snub the expensive, catnip-filled creations in favor  other things—bugs, string, hands, paper wads, toes, leaves, acorns, a bottle of antacid tablets, and the laces to the human female’s ankle brace.  (Om nom nom nom)  The female tried them with the ring from a milk carton, since those seem to be popular with pussycats.  Taffy was quite interested in it.  Well, in eating it.

Remember:  Anything not nailed down is a cat toy, and anything nailed down can be pried up.

And stepped on, barefoot, in middle of the night.

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Loki, God of Deceptive Packaging

The human female, being singularly lacking in imagination, often has cold cereal for breakfast.  And not even good cold cereal!  No, she has fake Grape Nuts and fake Cheerios.

With skim milk.  (shudder)

A few days ago, though, she noticed her bowl of bland was a little tastier, the milk a little creamier and a LOT richer.   Hmm.   Very curious.

This morning, it’s the same—look at how it coats the spoon!

wrongmilk

She’s not a big milk drinker, but suddenly she finds herself craving a tall, cool glass fairly often.   Mmmm.  Calciummmm.

It is a very good carton of milk!  She suspects that what’s in it is NOT skim milk.  No joke, dimwit.

She’s not sure what’s in the carton, whether it’s actually 1% or 2%—or even real, actual whole milk!  

A normal person would just start buying different milk until she figured out what she’s been enjoying  so much.  This mess of insecurities, though, is determined to continue to torture herself with the “healthier,” non-fat stuff.

Ehehehehe!   She blames me, but you know?  She does it to herself.

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A Most Interesting Catalog, Part II: Disillusionment

Sigyn and I are having fun, picking out animals to order from this unusual catalog.  Some animals we want because they are beautiful.  Some, because they are useful or amusing.  Others just have funny names.

sharks

Ehehehehe!  Behold, the Pacific Spookfish!   And what is a “cookiecutter shark“?  It sounds cute, but I imagine it’s probably just as bitey as all the others.

Ordering all of these animals is going to really add up!  Of course, I’m going to put it all on the human female’s credit card, so price is no object.

Come, my love, let us find the order form.  It’s probably at the back.

There’s nothing here.  I don’t understand.  Come to think of it, there are no prices listed and no price list, either.  What kind of catalog is this?!

no-order-form

Ah.  I think I may know what the problem is.

i-see-the-problem

This is not a book from which one may order animals…

i-see-the-problem2

It is a book about the taxonomic Orders of the animals.

itsnotforordering

And it’s not even a proper book.  It  is actually a calendar.

itsacalendar

With the lamest calendar grid ever.

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A Most Interesting Catalog, Part I: Unlimited Creatures

The human female has brought home a most interesting catalog.  Instead of photographs of all the goods, there are little paintings.  Sigyn is quite intrigued because it is all ANIMALS.

whales

Yes, my love, that is a very fine whale.  But where would you put it?

Sigyn is intrigued by the spotted whatsis.

carnivores

I am more curious about this microcephalic lynx.

Ah–butterflies.  Sigyn likes butterflies!

butterflies

Predictably, she likes the little red one, while I think the big green one is magnificent.

Ah, hoofstock.  I do appreciate a good set of horns!

giraffe

But I think the giraffe is defective.  Possibly some corgi in its bloodline.

I can take frogs or leave them, but I have seen videos of this little fellow, number twenty-two.

froggies

It would be a most amusing thing to put one of these in the human female’s backpack.  Or her lunch sack.

Sigyn is very excited about the items on this page.  I can understand her enthusiasm.  Marsupials are very handy, what with their convenient pouches.

marsupials

Sigyn has always wanted a quokka, but I’m more of a numbat aficionado myself.

I can’t help thinking the shipping on all this is going to be murder.

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Sustenance!

The human female, in an attempt to purchase raiment with which to conceal her hideousness, is at the mall, clothes shopping.   It is not going very well.  If she likes it, she can’t afford it.  If she likes it and she can afford it, it doesn’t come in her size.  If she likes it and she can afford it and it’s available in her size, it still somehow doesn’t fit.  (She’s lumpy in all the wrong places.)

She’s been limping up and down the mall for a while now and is feeling peckish.  Time for a snack!  Come on,  Sigyn, let’s join her in the Food Court.

Mmm.  Something smells good!

mall lunch1

In my book, it is always a good time for fried chicken.

She’s eating at a place called Cane’s.  Usually, the humans eat at a chicken place called Layne’s.  They’re loyal customers.  I think I’ll tattle on her and get her blackballed… She’s purchased the Kiddie Meal, as if eating a smaller portion will make it somehow not gobbling.  

mall lunch2

Sigyn has never been known to pass up a French fry.  I think she just likes the fact that ketchup is red.

The Kiddie Meal comes with a story on the bag and a set of “story coins” inside.  One is supposed to put the coins in the blanks in the story to finish it out.  Let me see if I can’t help the human out.

“The human female’s chance of finding jeans that fit are about the same as her riding a purple unicorn across the desert and running into a peg-legged pirate and a penguin.

mall lunch3

Because as long as she keeps visiting places like Cane’s and eating like a horse, her days of being as lithe and agile as a cat are looooong gone.

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