I Made Art

All of this talk of carpentry and construction has made me want to be a little creative myself.  I think that today I shall dabble in modern, avant garde sculpture.  Using found objects is very “in” these days, so I shall poke around and see what’s to hand in the human female’s workplace.

Hmm.  There are the usual beakers and dissection specimens, nitrile gloves and various bits of apparatus.

The Anatomy and Physiology students are doing a unit on cardiopulmonary physiology this week, and this tub of spirometer parts gives me an idea.

respirometer1

A dastardly, brilliant idea.

The Anatomy and Physiology tech has brought the human female and her Intro Bio techs two large bags full of mouthparts for autoclaving, so….

Later:

Look, Sigyn!  I made sure their biohazard bags were not autoclavable and BEHOLD!!

respirometer2

I call it “Two Bags’-worth of Mouthpieces Covered In Slag”  As with many works of art, the true genius is in the details.  The bag plastic has completely adhered to the neoprene mouthpieces.  Look how it catches the light!  It’s a not-so-subtle statement about finding beauty in the ruined and about society’s dependency on plastics and other man-made substances which will ultimately betray us, choking off the very air we breathe.

And like all the best art, it’s participatory.  Ehehehehehe!  It is going to take the human female and two of her techs about two hours to pick all the little bits of melted plastic off the mouthpieces—which aren’t event theirs.

Great Frigga’s Corset!  They’ve broken out the acetone to help loosen the plastic!  Sigyn it is time for us to be elsewhere!

(still later)  The best part of this bit of mischief?  A & P ultimately decided to THROW AWAY all the mouthparts!

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Beware! The Human Female is About to Be Handy!

Thor’s bitty ballpeen!  Everyone stand back!  The human female proposes to do things with power tools!

It all started with one of the new lab exercises. The professor wants the students to study bunches upon tons of manies of tiny seedlings on plates to study inheritance patterns in blue jeans.  (I think that’s what she said.)  All those plates will need to sit up on edge while the seedlings grow, so he suggested these:

tacorack

Neat and clean, but pricey in the quantities that will be needed.  The human female and one of her techs propose, therefore, to do a little carpentry.

They have a plan:

arabidopsisracks3

And a prototype:

arabidopsis racks3

Turns out that if you space the pegs out just so, the plates will lean at the appropriate angle and the holes need not be drilled on a slant.  Pity.  I was looking forward to wonky pegs.

The tech is going to have the boards for the bases cut by the lumber yard and is going to use the Instrument Shop’s drill press for making all of the holes.  The human female has volunteered to use the Shop’s big bandsaw  to cut all of the pegs from dowels.

Hmm.  To help or not to meddle help?  On the one hand, projects like this offer almost limitless opportunity for mischief, from binding the wood in the saw, making the saw overheat, and throwing sawdust everywhere, to doling out migraines to go with the loud NNNNNNYEEEARRRRRRRR of the saw, not to mention the messy glue that will be involved later.  Fourteen pegs per rack, one rack per section, forty sections plus a few racks for stock plates—we could be talking real carnage here.

On the other hand, the human female has demonstrated that, given edged tools, she is more than capable of creating the necessity for one of these all by her little lonesome.

need for kitchen

If nothing else, I shall tag along to watch…

(to be continued…)

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If You Want Something Done Right, You Have to Do It Yourself

As much as it pains to me admit to any failing, I have to admit that I have fallen a bit behind in my plans for world conquest.  More specifically, I have not yet built my Fortress Supreme, my Glorious Capitol, my Magical Hidey-hole.

I think perhaps part of the problem is that I have been looking at photos and making drawings, fiddling with floor plans and trying to work it all out on paper.  It’s hard to get a real feel for a  magnificent edifice when working in only two dimensions.  I need some heft!

Which is why I am quite gratified that one of the human male’s new games involves the construction of mighty buildings.  Surely with the playing pieces in hand I will come up with some concrete, achievable ideas. (Ehehehehe!  “Concrete”!  See what I did there?  Just kidding.  Stone is totally the way to go.  Stone and stained glass.  Stone and stained glass and plenty of glittering gilding everywhere.  Plus a magnificent garden, a room for a zoological collection of monsters, and enough space for the pony which I promised Sigyn.)

The pieces for the game are fairly detailed.

citygame1

They are built for stacking, three stories to a piece.  They’re all roughly cubic, so a curvilinear design is right out, but it is still better than a flat sketch.

citygame2

There are no pieces of a good, godly green, so I will have to make do with the yellow, orangey, teal, and blue ones.

citygame3

I don’t want to say anything, but the multi-hued monstrosity that Sigyn is building is quite gaudy.

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Sadly, even with a somber gray cap, it is still an eyesore.  Oh, very well.  Perhaps it is “short and cute,”  much like its builder.  But it lacks a certain gravitas.

citygame6

For real dignity, tall and monochromatic is definitely the way to go.

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Cleaning Up One of the Human Female’s Mistakes

I want it on record that I don’t always cause mischief and break things.  Sometimes I actually fix things!  Today, for example, I am taking care of one of the human female’s blunders.  One of her coworkers has a quaint little penguin made largely of seashells, and the human female oafishly knocked into it and sent it hurtling toward the ground, breaking off one of its wings.  She’s too ham-fisted for delicate repair work, so I offered to help with the repairs, with Sigyn as my lovely assistant.

See?  Here is the patient.

broken penguin1

You will observe that on the right side he has a fine, healthy wing.

broken penguin2

Whereas on the left side—

broken penguin3

I know.  It IS very sad.  Poor, brave penguin.  But as you can see, I’ve got the wing.  All we need to do is reattach it.  I will prep the bird for surgery.  You go fetch the wherewithal to mend him.

broken penguin4

Mmmm.  No.  I don’t think that will hold.  We need something stronger.

broken penguin5

Well, yes, tape probably would get the wing to stay on, but, my love, we want to do this as invisibly as possible.

broken penguin6

Um.  Yes, all right.  This stuff would hold the wing on, but it dries rather rubbery and flexible.  We need a good, solid glue.

broken penguin7

Augh!

Sigh.  You’re getting warmer, dearest.  Glue is definitely the way to go, but isn’t there something stronger in the house?  Go check in the catch-all drawer in the kitchen.  There’s bound to be something in there that would work.

broken penguin8

Bingo!  This will do the trick nicely.  Mister Penguin will have to sit quietly for a day or two, but he should be just fine afterwards.  We’ll have him recuperate in the garage, though, because by Idunn’s itty bitty apples, this stuff stinks!

There!  He’ll be good as new!  Sigyn, why don’t you lead him off to rest while I think of clever and delightful ways to affix the human female’s belongings to various inconvenient surfaces and objects…

Mischief Proceeding at a Pretty Good Clip

Well, that visit to the cast iron toy exhibit was six kinds of traumatic.  In the end, Sigyn befriended the bear and did not need rescuing, but I did have duck-and-pineapple nightmares last night.  I need some really good mischief to feel more myself.

I think I’ll start with something small but quite annoying.  The kitchen is a good place to look for trouble.

I know!  The humans are always looking for clips to hold shut bags of chips, cereal, cookies, and other assorted carbohydrates.  I have become quite adept at breaking them.

CRACK!!

broken clip 2

Success!

broken clip1

That used to be one of their favorites.  It came from a scientific products show and was very good at gripping.  But without the little piece I’m holding, it’ll never grip anything again.  Time to kick this little piece under the fridge.

Aaaand just for fun, I will knock the clip’s twin brother off the freezer door so that it breaks too!

I think I can get the metal bits loose as well.  kick, kick, kick

broken clip 3

And just so the human female doesn’t get any ideas about combining the pieces and trying to resurrect one functional clip, I think I’ll take the little metal posts.

broken clip 4

I’ve been looking for a new quarterstaff…

Hmm… If I recall correctly, the human female has another clip just like this on her desk at at work.

I think I shall go for what sport-minded Midgardians term a “hat trick”…

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I Spent My Anniversary Playing With Toys, Part III: A Visit to the Overland Circus

I will not lie.  I wish to be very far away from that sinister duck and that infinitely creepy pineapple.  There are several cases of circus toys on the other side of the room, my love.  Let us go over there.  What could possibly go wrong in a circus?

iron-toys14

See?  The carousel is colorful and charming, the lion is regal, and it looks like some homemade ice cream might be on offer.

And look!  Here is one of the animal wagons, skillfully driven by a clever fellow without the use of reins!

iron-toys5

Although–Watch out, Sigyn!  It looks as if someone forgot to latch the bear’s cage!

iron-toys6

Run, Sigyn, run!!!

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I Spent My Anniversary Playing With Toys, Part II: Ferrous Oddities

There are other cast iron novelties here besides wheeled vehicles.

There are some very fine watercraft. 

iron-toys4

Sigyn, shall I liberate the red and green speedboats so we can have a race in Rudder Fountian outside?

Ah.  My beloved has found some toys that are not vehicles at all, and the exhibit has become quite surreal.

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The frog is amusing, but do not get too close to that fellow in the chair!  He appears to have leprosy.

I am glad these items are all behind glass–

iron-toys2

Because I do NOT like the look in that duck’s beady little eye!  Beware, you waddling villain…  One false move toward my beloved and this display will include a ramekin of cast iron confit de canard colvert.

Great Frigga’s corset!

iron-toys13

If the duck is malign, this pineapple is downright diabolical!  Anyone for some piña malevoladas?

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