It’s Going to be Hot Whether You Cook or Not

“It’s too hot to cook!”  That is the refrain to the Song of Summer in this part of Midgard.  With temperatures not only flirting with but downright engaging in intimate congress with triple digits*, no one wants to slave over a hot stove.  The restaurants are doing a thriving business, feeding weary customers who shamble in, noodle-limp, completely overcome by the heat and humidity of the three-minute walk from the parking lot.  Dine in or take away, as long as no one has to expend any effort.

Thus, Chinese take-out.  The humans are relieved, as now they can sit in the cool of the living room, in their comfy clothes, and shovel it all in.

But because I’ve read that denizens of hot countries should eat food rife with spice to induce cooling sweat, and because she forgot my shrimp with lobster sauce AGAIN, I’ve arranged a little Scovillicious surprise for the human female’s usually mild tofu-with-vegetables.

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Those are just the peppers she found

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Might I Suggest a Purchase?

We are still out shopping.  And what would an afternoon of errands be without a trip to the local used book store?  One never knows what treasure awaits!

Like this.  I definitely think you should buy this book.  And read it.

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Take notes, mortals.  There’s going to be a quiz afterwards.

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A Loki of Independent Means Means Mischief

I successfully rescued Sigyn from the bowl of perfidious pomes, and we have continued our ramblings about the housewares department.  So far, I’m not finding anything too exciting, and—

Waaaaait a minute!  I spy, with my little eye, a nice array of pointy things!

Better yet, sharp pointy things!  Colorful sharp pointy things!  And look, Sigyn!  There’s one for each of us!  You can cut up real apples with yours, and I can cut up…other things… with mine!

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Buy these, humans!

The humans are refusing, saying they already have a sufficiency of knives.

No, mortals, I think you do not understand.  These knives are leaving with us, one way or another.  Either you buy them, or they go out with you.

Lodged in between your T-4 and T-5 vertebrae.  The choice is yours.

Oh, fine.  Rude!  I will buy them myself.  I do have funds, you know.*  And we’ll just see if I ever let you borrow this fine green beauty for mangling mangoes or some such.  Yes, indeedy.

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*Because I know where you keep your wallet.

 

Sigyn Would Be Very Good at Hide-and Seek In Certain Circumstances

The humans are out running errands today.  Sigyn and I have tagged along, mostly because I am BORED.  A  BORED Loki is a DANGEROUS Loki…

We are currently in a big market that is famous for its red and white, archery-themed trade dress.  I am a fastidious shopper, but  Sigyn is predisposed to like everything about this place because RED.  

She is currently beside herself because we are in one of the housewaresy-kitcheny aisles and she has just discovered this large glass bowl full of shiny, red apples.

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The human female is trying to explain to her that not only are they fake apples, they are fake Red Delicious apples, which is is heinousness squared.  A real black hole of bad appleness, if you will.  Beyond loathsome.

Sigyn is undeterred and has…

Oh, NO!  She’s fallen in!  Sigyn, are you all right?!   Where are you?! 

I can’t see her at all!   She is perfectly disguised among the shiny red apples with their little yellow highlights!

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Nothing for it but to remove the apples one by one until I find her.

I can hear her giggling, so I think she is all right, just unable to climb out.

Hang on, sweetie!  Loki’s coming!

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Crawling Out of a Rut, Part III: I Might Actually Be Very Good At This

The humans and their friends have decided to play an after-dinner game.  What?  By Yggdrasil’s itty bitty root hairs!  Didn’t you people just have an entire GAMING WEEKEND?!  You want more games?  Whatever it is, it will no doubt be either twee or boring, and I probably won’t like it.

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On the other hand…

Ehehehe!  Look!  This game even comes with a warning label.  This might be my cup of tea after all.

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Blast!  I think my enjoyment will be substantially diminished by the arrival of Perfect Steve and his stupid hair and his stupid white horse.

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Sigyn!  Get off that nag!  You don’t know where it’s been!

Sigh.  Looks like Captain Spanglepants is going to be my adversary in this game.  Let’s see.  What is the object, again?

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Ah, yes.  To become governor AND amass $50,000 dollars.  Pffft! I can do that.

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Especially since they can’t make the charges stick.

Other cards announce the acquisition of kickbacks and bribes in varying amounts.  Or else send one up or down a level on the influence scale.  Right now, we are all hovering somewhere around “dog-catcher.”  We will have to rise considerably to even get on a committee.

(later)

We have been playing forever, and no one has attained any rank beyond local councilman.  We all keep getting sent back down levels and having to shell out for bribes.

Of course, it doesn’t help that Fisi has gotten involved.

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Mostly by eating the cards.

Barboni’s cafe–what an AWFUL place!  Every time I go there, I end up having to pay someone or give up a lucrative position.

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Good Fisi!  Good hyena!  Chew up Barboni’s cafe!  There’s an extra biscuit in it for you if you can shut it down entirely!

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And a dozen pork chops if you widdle on Cap as you go ’round…

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Crawling Out of a Rut, Part II: A Coiffure Worthy of My Magnificence

The human male’s friend’s significant other has dressed her hair in a most resplendent way.  Behold, the finest hair ornament this side of Asgard:

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Is it not perfect?

Great Frigga’s hairpins!  Now that I look at it, I do believe that that representation of my helmet would be just about…

Maybe?

It looks like…

Would it?

Only one way to find out…

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Why, yes.  Yes, it does.

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Crawling Out of a Rut, Part I: Dinner in the Offing

The humans have been invited to dine at the home of one of their friends (who is also one of the human male’s coworkers–small world.)  I and my Sigynificant Other have been invited as well.  Fisi is also tagging along.  That dratted hyena has become unruly of late, so we are working hard on socialization.  Plus, if dinner conversation lags, that animal can be counted upon to do something awful and comment-worthy.

This friend and his significant other are going to be doing the cooking. I wonder what they’re making?  Actually, I don’t care what’s on the menu.  Any change from the fare the human female comes up with is sure to be delightful.  She’s not so bad at cookies, but she says that in hot weather her “cooking mojo” disappears.  Huh.  I’m not sure what a “mojo” is, but anything missing in this house is probably under the sofa with the crinkle balls and catnip mice.  But I digress.

The humans have helpfully brought along a long loaf of bread.  The female didn’t make it, so it’s probably all right.

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The friend proposes to spread the bread with butter and herbs and bake it.

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Fisi!  I know what you are thinking, and NO, you cannot eat butter right out of the tub!  If you behave, perhaps the friend will let you lick the knife.

The humans have also brought along some hard cider in most intriguing shade of pink.

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Sigyn, who is fond of apples and the color red,  says this is close enough to both to be “wonderful.”  She’s in swoony love with it and the bottle’s not even open yet.

(sip) Fortunately, also tastes pretty good.

The meal is commencing with a salad.  Fisi has apparently mistaken the red, moist tomatoes for raw wildebeeste flesh…

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Here comes the main course.  Hmm.  This is odd…  I am having a bout of what mortals call “Déjà vu.”  I could swear I have eaten this, in this place, before.

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Oh.  Wait. Riiiight.  That’s because I have eaten this, here, before.  As I recall, it was quite tasty.  Dig in, Sigyn!  And don’t let Fisi hog all the sausagey bits.

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