2cellos

1 Evening, 2 Cellos, 3 Over-Excited Females, and a Whole Lot of Screaming

The human female has been insufferable all day.  She and the blue-haired goddaughter, who has driven down all the way from the Big City to the North, have tickets to a concert in the Big City to the South tonight.  She says it involves cellos.  I have no real objection to stringed instruments, so I think Sigyn and I will go with them.

….

Uhg!  The females chattered all. the. way. down.  I am more than ready for some soothing cello music.

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They look a bit under-dressed, but perhaps that is not what they wear to perform…

Now we are standing in front of the auditorium, waiting for the doors to open.  It is cold and windy and Sigyn is getting chilled.  If my sweetie catches cold, someone is going to pay!

Ehehehe!  The security line Sigyn and I are in has moved smoothly.  The human female and the blue-haired goddaughter’s line is not moving at all.  Perhaps that’s because I just zapped the metal-detecting frame and it’s dead.  Now all the cranky mortals have to shuffle over into a longer line!  See you later, ladies—Sigyn and I are going inside where it is warm!

Our seats appear to be satisfactory.

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Later:  Sigyn was sleepy, so she is taking a little nap while some unknown vocalist performs some songs no one can catch the words to.  Thor may be the god of lightning, but I do all right with electricity and can scramble a PA system as well as anyone!

Muuuch later:  Sigyn is sleeping so peacefully that I am letting her have another thirty minutes of nap, while the other concert goers get to sit staring at an empty stage and growing increasingly annoyed.

Later still:  Very well.  Sigyn is rested and refreshed, so I suppose it is all right for the concert to start.  An hour past scheduled start is enough mischief.  Let there be Cello!

Lovely, lyrical cello and—

Great Friggas’s Corset!!!  I did not know cellos could be manipulated to play heavy metal music!

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And what is that frenetic drummer doing up there?!  Odin’s eyepatch!  I have been lured here under false and very decibellious pretenses!

Just for that, I shall make sure that the human female and the blue-haired goddaughter do not show in the official concert photo.

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Sigyn and I are approximately under the red arrow.

The show is over and all the females are still squealing and bouncing up and down.  My ears are still ringing! And we still have a long drive back–it’s going to be midnight before we reach home.  No one had better mess with me tomorrow, because I’m sure to be as surly as a bilgesnipe with a sore paw…

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This Is Why The Human Female Never Can Have Nice Things

The human female listens to a LOT of music at work. Everything from silly children’s ditties to screechy things to odd Croatian covers of popular tunes. She says it makes her more productive.  Really, I think it’s just to drown out the voices in her head.

Her co-workers make her listen to her awful tunes with headphones, so none of the terrible stuff leaks out into the office.  Earphones are awkward enough, catching on her hair and earrings and tangling in her every endeavor.

For a while now, I have had a little project.  Every day, I pinch and poke at and stretch the little foamy muffly things that go over the plastic ear-bits.  I’ve been waiting to see how long it would take her to notice their progressive decrepitude.

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She’s not terribly observant.

Last week, though, she FINALLY noticed all the bits of black foam confetti dotting her clothing and desk and set about finding either replacement muffs or new earphones entirely.   She looked in three different stores, but I’d been to all three ahead of her and seen to it that no one carries the earphones she likes.  For a while there, it really looked like she was going to have to live with bare plastic and little black snowflakes.

But curses!  The human male went online and ordered a whole package of earmuffins!

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Clearly, this will call for immediate and sustained action on my part!

Today, I commence the    s  t  r  e  t  c  h  i  n  g.

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Next will come the pulling, the poking, the pinching, the making of tiny little tears, and finally, the outright shredding.

It’ll be leaky music and black dandruff again before you know it!

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