abuse of polyester fiberfill

Positively Peculiar Paschal Plushiness

How is it that time of year again? It seems as if it were just yesterday I was setting traps for the Eater Bunny (and finding myself quite surprised with the extent of his toothy maw) while Sigyn was hunting colored eggs in the garden. This year, we’re not under lockdown and the humans have ventured out, masked and socially inept distant.

The local market seems to have outdone itself this year in the plush department. I started to write “stuffed animal,” but, as will be demonstrated, some of these…things…are only vaguely natural-animal-adjacent.

This purple rabbit isn’t too bad…

…though he appears to have been the victim of a most unfortunate home perm. And do I detect a little excess intracranial cerebro-spinal fluid pressure? That noggin is pretty pointy.

Here’s another poor bun with curly hair (maybe it’s familial?), though this one seems to have suffered some embryonic misfortune along about when limb buds begin to form, and its coat is a rather unusual color.

This lap-eared lapin is a bit more normally proportioned and has more typical pelage,

…though his overall size suggests that there may be an overactive pituitary involved.

His cousin is of more reasonable stature, but her coat…sparkles.

Either she is suffering from the dreaded Meyer-‘pire Syndrome or is accumulating heavy metals. Time to call the vet. Or an exorcist.

This blobular chick with its lagomorphian bonnet would also seem to be suffering from the same disorder as the larger gray rabbit, or perhaps it is some other form of gigantism.

Do not poke it in the abdmen, my love. That umbilical hernia may be quite painful.

Oh, now this! This definitely says “Easter”

While I appreciate the green fur, I suspect this floppy reptile has rickets, or some other malady which prevents proper bone growth, and I am drawing a blank when trying to reconcile the notion of “Triceratops” with the vernal celebration. Then again, egg-laying rabbits would not appear to mesh well, prima facie, with either pagan or the various monotheistic faith traditions.

More disturbing than the obvious ill health of the above individuals is evidence of an emerging trend toward genetic manipulation and/or a traditional breeding program, with the apparent goal of producing hybrid monstrosities on a heretofore unprecedented scale.

I mean, how else explain this?

Or, Odin help us, this:

Tolles Friggas Korsett! Sogar Dr. Frankenstein wagte sich nicht, den Gesetzen der Natur auf diese Weise zu widersprechen. Sicherlich rollt Mendel in seinem Grab.

And people say *I’m* evil…

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