bad hyena no biscuit

Bad Hyena! No Biscuit!

Long-time minions may have wondered why the hyena, Fisi, has not appeared here in some time.

Or perhaps you are like me and simply cannot be bothered to keep track of that mangy, antisocial creature and its gluttonous proclivities.

But I suppose I shall indulge anyone who is interested with an update.

Some weeks ago, Sigyn and I noticed that Fisi was beginning to show some disturbing symptoms.

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Not wanting to expose my beloved to even the slightest risk of exposure to Norns-knew-what malady, I immediately zapped the slavering beast into a magical quarantine until such time as its condition could be elucidated.

Once the prescribed period had elapsed with no further frothing, I (grudgingly) allowed Fisi to come home.  Sigyn dotes on that walking doormat; I’ve no idea why.

So now the benighted beast is back with us and has lost no time in taking up its old hobbies.

Apparently, mask ties are for chewing.

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Bad Fisi!  Don’t drag that off !  I might need the human female to go for take-out later!

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BAD Fisi!  Sigyn, you promised me that pestilent animal was housebroken!

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Eehehehehe! Funny, though.  This was an important document.

BAD FISI!   That is not your toy!

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And I suspect one or another of the felines might take exception to your stealing it…

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>|: [

 

More Adventures in the Room of Skulls

I was able to rescue Sigyn from the clutches of that murderous deer.  Horrible creatures, deer, really.  I prefer to think of them as merely the larval stage of roast venison.

There are more skulls here, and they are drawing a lot of attention.  The human female and her minions are showing them off to anyone who wanders by.

Sigyn is investigating the pronounced sagittal crest on this opossum.

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The human female says that is where all the jaw muscles are attached.  It certainly looks capable of eating anything it finds.  Opossums are strange creatures–tails like rats, huge rafs of babies which they tote about in pouches or on their backs, fur that always looks like they’ve been washed in the washer on the wrong cycle, and a predilection for rummaging about in compost heaps.

I am more impressed by the dentition of this male vervet monkey.

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This fellow looks quite up to the task of perforating anyone who tried to put him in a funny outfit or make him do silly tricks.  And the overall effect is of a toothy little human.

Great Frigga’s hairpins!  Look who has turned up!  Marty, that goggle-eyed menace, has dropped by to ogle the chicken skull.

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I don’t want to think about what Marty’s skull might look like.  Not much room for a brain, that’s for certain.

Oh, and here is Fisi, trying to sneak in a nibble on the oppossum.

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Shoo!  Bad hyena!  No biscuit!

Sweet Tony Stark on the half shell!  What sort of alien mutant nightmare beast does this one come from?!

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Don’t get too close, Sigyn.  I don’t trust this thing at all.

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poke, poke, poke.

No sirree. I do not trust this thing at all, at all.  Nor can I figure out its modus operandi.  No proper teeth to speak of, but what about these long pincer-like things up front?  What IS it?  Where does it live?  What does it eat?  What does the rest of it look like??

Oh, I am going to have bad dreams and flashbacks about this one, I can tell you.

(Reads label.)  Huh.  I never, ever would have guessed.  Log your guesses in the comments, folks, and we’ll see if anyone comes close.

>|: [

You Never Know What You’re Going to Find on a Walk

After a few days of heavy thunderstorms, the sun has finally come out.  Sigyn and I, having contracted a near-fatal case of cabin fever, are going for a walk.

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Fisi, back off a little, will you?  No one likes hot hyena-breath down the back of their neck.

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Sleipnir’s fetlocks!  Where is that brainless carnivore going now?  Fisi!  Come back here!

What have you got in your mouth, you stupid beast?

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Oh, no!  Where did you find a kitten?  Don’t look, Sigyn!

Drop it, Fisi!

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Bad hyena!  No biscuit!

(poke, poke, poke.)  I’m sorry love.  I… I think the wee little thing has joined his no-doubt valiant ancestors in Kitty Valhalla.

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Or maybe not.  I guess the furry morsel was just a little scared!  Give it a good cuddle, my love, and let it toddle off home.  There are too many felines in our house already.

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I don’t see any toddling happening.

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Only bonding.

Aw, Sigyn, for Frigga’s sake don’t feed it.

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Sigh.  I should have known that this was one battle I wasn’t going to win.

>|: [

Gastronomy Week, Part II: The National Food of Texas

At work, the human female usually dines al desko at lunchtime, but today her work group has gone out to eat, celebrating several people’s work anniversaries.  The human female has now been in her current position five years and with the University thirty-three.  Old. She is definitely old.

The human female’s boss–whose treat it is—has chosen the venue.  It’s a casual restaurant, one of those where diners give their order at the counter and then sit and wait for it to come out.

You can tell it’s a classy place by the salt and ketchup holder.

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And what is the fare?  Barbecue, of course!  This place is all about smoky, saucy dead critters of all kinds.  The human female has chosen a sliced brisket sandwich.  Sliced brisket is the national food of Texas.  I have learned, during my sojourn here, to appreciate it.

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It is also a favorite of hyenas.  Bad fisi!  Drop it!

Or else steal me another slice.

Nom nom nom.  There is a lot of beef going on here, along with buckets of “sides” and a gallon or so of sauce.  Which means there are definitely some greasy chins and hands around this table.

Good thing there’s a roll of napkins right here.

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Grab me one, will you?

>|: [

Crawling Out of a Rut, Part III: I Might Actually Be Very Good At This

The humans and their friends have decided to play an after-dinner game.  What?  By Yggdrasil’s itty bitty root hairs!  Didn’t you people just have an entire GAMING WEEKEND?!  You want more games?  Whatever it is, it will no doubt be either twee or boring, and I probably won’t like it.

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On the other hand…

Ehehehe!  Look!  This game even comes with a warning label.  This might be my cup of tea after all.

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Blast!  I think my enjoyment will be substantially diminished by the arrival of Perfect Steve and his stupid hair and his stupid white horse.

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Sigyn!  Get off that nag!  You don’t know where it’s been!

Sigh.  Looks like Captain Spanglepants is going to be my adversary in this game.  Let’s see.  What is the object, again?

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Ah, yes.  To become governor AND amass $50,000 dollars.  Pffft! I can do that.

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Especially since they can’t make the charges stick.

Other cards announce the acquisition of kickbacks and bribes in varying amounts.  Or else send one up or down a level on the influence scale.  Right now, we are all hovering somewhere around “dog-catcher.”  We will have to rise considerably to even get on a committee.

(later)

We have been playing forever, and no one has attained any rank beyond local councilman.  We all keep getting sent back down levels and having to shell out for bribes.

Of course, it doesn’t help that Fisi has gotten involved.

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Mostly by eating the cards.

Barboni’s cafe–what an AWFUL place!  Every time I go there, I end up having to pay someone or give up a lucrative position.

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Good Fisi!  Good hyena!  Chew up Barboni’s cafe!  There’s an extra biscuit in it for you if you can shut it down entirely!

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And a dozen pork chops if you widdle on Cap as you go ’round…

>|: [

Bored, Part III: Take Only Photographs, Leave Only… Mischief

Well, Sigyn took Fisi home.  That creature has a huge time-out coming.   No biscuits for Fisi until all the spikey fellow’s stitches come out.

I figured, though, that while I’m here I should do a little of what I do best.  Pay the human female back for having such an untidy workspace.  I’m sure I can make her life more annoying somehow.

Great Frigga’s corset!  It looks like some other practitioner of mischief has been here before me!

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Oh, wait.  That’s just the natural state of her desk drawer… My bad.

Look at all these keys! Does she even know what they all go to???

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Well, if she does now, she won’t once I swap around all the labels.

Rubber bands!  Rubber bands are always useful.  Or, they are until they lose their boinginess…

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I will noodlify these and then sit back and laugh as she goes through three or four… or eight, trying to find one that doesn’t break at first stretch.

Oh ho!  These will come in handy!  These are the transfer slips the human female writes out to schedule students for make-up labs if they have a good excuse for missing.

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I’ve become quite adept at forging her signature, so I’ll just sign a bunch of these and start randomly assigning students to other labs.   We’ll see how long it takes them to figure out I’ve even changed their courses….

And since I’ve left some fun surprises, I’ll just take a little something for my trouble, and not just photos.

This.  I choose this.  I like this.

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It is a paperclip truly fit for a god.  I can hold all of Midgard together with this!

>|: [

Bored, Part II: The Desk of Doom and Sparklies

Since I am still bored, Sigyn and I are still poking about (carefully!) on the human female’s desk.  There’s no telling what—or who—we’ll encounter.

Sleipnir’s fetlocks!  What is this creature?!  It’s all…spikey!  Be very careful, Sigyn!  It looks friendly, with that enormous grin and come-hug-me posture, but it has beady little eyes…  I don’t trust it.

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Wait!  Um.. Sigyn?!  Ack.  Too late.  She is far too trusting and will hug anything.   If you so much as think of poking my sweetie, you bespined whatsis, I will blast you into next week.

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Well, that turned out better than I thought it might.  Sigyn remains unperforated. Come, my love, let us leave your new “friend” and see what else is here.

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Sigyn is delighted!  She loves tiny boxes.  I think the red one held labels for microscope slides.  The flowery one appears to have been folded out of paper.  Go ahead and open it, dearest.  I don’t think the human female will mind,  And if she does, tough luck.  If she’s not here to defend her clutter, she doesn’t deserve to have it.

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Spangles!  The human female collects them when she finds them lying about.  This must be one of her stashes.  Looks like some stars and a couple of balloons.  You’ve hit the twinkly jackpot, my petal.

<Grrrr… Squeal!>

What on—?  BAD hyena!  NO BISCUIT!   No, Sigyn, don’t look!!!

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Disaster on the desk.

>|: [

A Cerasiferous Conundrum

Sigyn, look!  It’s another set of twin cherries!  Maybe you and I should have another try at cherry-pulling.  I did win the last one, you know.

Hmm.  This set of cherries has the stems “helpfully” pre-mangled.  They’d be no use for pulling.  I wonder what happened to them?

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(Twenty minutes earlier)

Whatcha got there, pup?  Cherries, huh?  Never could afford those growing up, and sure didn’t get any in the war.  Gee, I’d really like to try some, but they’re not mine.  Hey, those aren’t yours either!

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Stop!  Bad hyena!  Let go!

: D

That Stocking Post With A Ton of Pictures

What an orgy of unwrapping yesterday morning was!  Ribbons and paper and tags everywhereThe human male received some shirts, a book, some games, a bottle of fountain pen ink (green–must remember to appropriate that), and some ginger candy.  The human female received a necklace, some of the pens she likes, some books, a box of chocolate candy (which she can’t eat–oh, darn, more for me), and the human male’s nasty cold.  The rest of the day was spent puttering, reading, and sleeping.  Between the greedy frenzy and the laziness, the humans forgot to mention that Sigyn and I had a stocking of our own.

Today, they FINALLY remembered to tell us!  And now that it is quiet (more sleeping), Sign and I are going to open it.  I hope it is not socks.  I have enough socks.

Here we go, Sigyn!  Are you ready?

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Fisi, NO!  Get out of there!

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Bad hyena!  Drop it!  Wait–I see numbers in the corner.   Maybe it’s cash!

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Oh. It’s just an envelope.  Here, Sigyn.  I shall open it with my dagger.

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Well, look at that!  I was not expecting a small, rubbery human-relative.

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There’s another envelope–are we getting a barrel of monkeys one by one?

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Ponies!  Oh, Sigyn is going to love those.  She’s more than a bit horse-crazy.

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I opened a third envelope, only to discover two tiny gray creatures.

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We are now surrounded by odd-toed ungulates.

Sigyn–do you see something else in there?

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A rubbery neon dinosaur!  We can add it to our growing herd.

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Odin’s eyepatch–there’s another one!

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And two more, as well as some trucks for me!

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Vroom, vroom!  Beep, beep!  Crash!  Augh!

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Fisi! What has that fleabitten menace got now?  Drop it!  Drop the bunny, Fisi!

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Bad hyena!  Got get in your crate!  Crate, Fisi!  Don’t worry, Sigyn, the bunny is unharmed.

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Though you may want to keep an eye on that fox…  I can practically see the thought-bubble that says, “Yule dinner” hovering over its head as it gazes at that rabbit…

Sigyn is quite happy, playing with all the new members of her menagerie.

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Me, I’m off to see if a) the humans have gobbled up all the cookies already,

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b)  the human female’s mother sent cash again this year…

>|: [

To Market, To Market, Part II: A Helping Hand (Sigyn Speaks)

“Pardon me, ma’am.  Do you need some help?”

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“Oh, thank you!  I seem to be dropping everything today.”

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“There you go–all repacked.  May I carry this for you?”

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“Oh, thank you, but you’ve already helped tremendously.  I think I can manage.  I’m not going very far.”

“I don’t mind.  I’m headed that way myself.”

“Oh, then thank you!  You’re very kind.   Fisi, NOBAD hyena!  Give that back”

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“Oh, I am so sorry!  Fisi’s usually so much better behaved. I can’t think what’s got into–”

“It’s all right, ma’am.  Can’t hurt this old thing.  Nothing damages vibranium, not even hyena teeth.  See?  Not a scratch.”

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“Oh, I am so sorry!  Really, you’ve done so much! I can take it from here.”

“No trouble.  Besides.  It looks like it is about to start pouring and my shield makes a pretty good umbrella.”

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“Again, thank you.  Oh, my name’s Sigyn, by the way.”

“Steve.  Pleased to meet you.”

(to be continued…)

: )