big city to the south

These Trips Get Shorter and Shorter, Part I: Getting There Is NOT Half the Fun

The humans are very jaunty people.  By that, I do not mean that they are perky, sprightly, cute, or energetic.  Far from it. Far, FAR from it.  No, I mean that at a moment’s notice they will hop into the car at on a jaunt to one of the big cities down the road.

Today their objective is the Big City to the South.  Sigyn wants to go, which means I have to go, to make sure she stays safe.  Norns’ Nighties! Weren’t we just there?

So, yes. I will lay aside my plans for today.  I will get into the car.  I will prepare myself for four hours’ of inane conversation in the car, and for being dragged all over when we get there.

But that doesn’t mean I am going to make it easy for you.

houston mini-trip1

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It’s About Time.

A BHI  (Big, Heavy Item) arrived in the stockroom for the human yesterday, but it was raining, so she and her staff waited a bit.  And then the stockroom was closed, so it’s not today until someone can go fetch it and cart it over here.

Great Frigga’s Corset!  It’s the long-lost centrifuge!  It was not delivered by F&THS, whose paperwork carries the delightful slogan.


(The human female was surprised, because apparently they only go as far as the Big city to the South)

Nor was it delivered by Yeah, Right, Ciao, but by a third, apparently more reliable, shipper.

Here it is, out of its protective swaddlings.  It’s ENORMOUS!  And so terribly clean!


Yeah, that won’t last.

Let’s plug it in!   Odin’s eyepatch!  Look at that slick display!


Speed, timer, and a bunch of other things.  Hmmm.  This looks complicated. I’m not sure the human female should go anywhere near it…

The inside is clearly set up for some good, fast, fun!


Come, on Sorvall!  Let’s go for a spin!

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P.S.  Sigyn, here.  You know what the best part about this shipment is?  It’s the return address for the vendor:


Is that not the cutest address ever?  I’d love to live on a street with a cute name like that!  I think I’ll ask the humans if we can move…

: )




Ehehehe! A Valuable New Ally in the War Against the Human Female

Last month, when the human female’s department finally coughed up some funds, she ordered a large, bench-top centrifuge to replace one that was first used to spin samples from creeping things back in the Ordovician.  The new one will be very nice.  It’ll take 24 samples and fling them about at an astonishing 4,000 rpm.  (Needless to say, at that speed, I will NOT be using it as my own personal theme-park ride.  That kind of rotation will do a number even on MY godly tummy.)

Yes, by my pointy helmet, it will be a fine bit of apparatus— if it ever comes. It didn’t come and it didn’t come.  The human female looked on the order acknowledgment, where it said, “Contact customer support for tracking info.”  So she did.  She was told that the freighting was being handled by some shipping company whose name means “Folks Who Make Things Happen Faster and More Smoothly.” (New friends of mine.)

Now she has plugged the tracking number into the website for FWMTHF&MS, she got this:


Norns’ nighties!  Did you ever see such a strange timeline?  It departed before the estimated time of departure!  Unfortunately for the human female, however, the fool thing is stuck in the Big City to the South.  So she’s calling  FWMTHF&MS to see what the hold up is.

Ehehehe!  FWMTHF&MS  is telling her that they have handed off delivery of her goods to another carrier, YRC.   And no, they don’t have a tracking number for that.

This just keeps getting better!  And now she’s calling YRC.  These fine folks disavow all knowledge of the shipment.   No, so sorry, no shipment for the University since blah, blah, blah.  Apparently YRC is short for, “Yeah, right. Ciao.”

Human female, if your face changes color any more, you will need to re-do your wardrobe.

So now she’s on the phone the account representative with the original vendor.  Let’s call them Usually More Reliable Than the Vendor Who’s Responsible.  The poor fellow!  He has to deal with screwy shipping AND the human female.   He says he will get to the bottom of this and call her back.  Likely, he is handing in his resignation and taking steps to emigrate…

(Later)  No news.

(Later)  More no news.  It’s a new week now!

(Later again.) The account representative has talked to FWMTHF&MS–which I suspect is going to be shortened even further to F-TH&S.  According to F-TH&S, the centrifuge, which has now enjoyed a whole week in the Big City to the South, weighs too much for them, and it has been deemed “out of network” for them.  They say they are going to have to subcontract the delivery out to someone else.  Now, to be fair, it does weigh 174 lbs, plus packaging, but the account rep says that F-TH&S routinely ships large items like big ultra-cold freezers up here all the time.

So what’s the hold-up?

What Who do you think?  Eheheheheh…  Stay tuned.

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No visit to the Big City to the South would be complete without a visit to the Large Market.  I don’t really expect to find anything new or exciting, but Sigyn likes to talk to the fruit and flowers and sing little songs to the lobsters in the tank, both of which I find completely adorable, so it makes my day.

Sigyn says the label means these fruits speak French.


“Bonjour Monsieur Banane! Vous avez l’air très ensoleillé aujourd’hui. C’est un jaune très flatteur.”

“Don’t worry, apples.”


“The new crop will be coming in soon, but I’m sure someone will buy you before then.”

The store is decorated with semi-locally grown flowers today.


Sigyn wants a boost so she can reach up and make the snapdragons actually snap.

They’re really pushing this sausage.    I wonder how hot it is?


And if the humans would notice if I slipped it into their recipes?

Sigyn thinks this wine’s  goat label is cute.


Nice horns, I must admit.

More goaty stuff:


Fig and black pepper goat cheese?  That sounds just like the frou-frou sort of thing the humans would eat.  I bet they actually buy some.


“Miss Peony, you’re sure looking cute!

“Your ruffly dress is a beaut!

“I certainly think

It’s a nice shade of pink!

And real comfy to sit in, to boot!”

My sweetie the poetess, ladies and gentlemen.
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A Sigyn In Her Natural Habitat (Sigyn Speaks)

Loki is still pouting in the car, muttering about being dragged away from his tabletop battle, and the humans are nosing about in the fountain pen store, so I’m taking this opportunity to go have a good rummage in the bead store that’s in the next block.

This place is a regular treasure trove!  I never know what I’m going to find.  Last time I was here, I swam around in their loose bead bins.   Today, I think I’ll look at some of their mineral specimens.

Ooh!  Fossils!  They’ve got a trilobitey thing, which is pretty neat, but I bet the human female would like this leaf even better.


Oh, my stars!  Pyrite geodes!  They’re sooo sparkly!  Loki would love one of these.


Almost room enough to curl up and take a nap in.  Now why does that sound so familiar?

Over here they have some big quartz crystals.


Hee hee hee!  How funny! Three Sigyns!  And all of them are hungry.  I should go find the others and see if it’s time for lunch!

: )

This is More Like It! Sort Of.

Great Frigga’s corset, that was close!  If we had stayed in that religious articles shop any longer, I might have had to start smiting things–or people.  It is a great relief that we are gone now and headed off on other errands.

Uh, oh.  The human female has squealingly spotted something and the human male has turned the car around.  If he’s willing to do that in traffic, it must be something good!

Really?  That’s really what this place is called?


This has definite potential!  I wonder if I will get a mention, or if it will be all, “Odin, this” and “Thor, that.” I could definitely do without that.

What the….?


Or, you know, since Midgard is a silly place and this part of it in particular, I guess it’s going to be, “Anubis, that other thing over there.”

Sigyn, get out of his fist, my love.  You don’t know where those paws have been.

I wonder if the inside is as polytheistic as the outside?

Bleargh.  So far, disappointing.


Isn’t there a Loki-themed game here somewhere?  Or is it all going to be Odin or that puppy-headed fellow?

Sigyn has found a quiet little shrine that—-


Uh…Dearest?  Don’t be alarmed and don’t turn around.  Just walk away from the temple slowly.   Slowly…   Come over here by me.  There’s a good girl.

Whew!  Another close one!  Let’s bide here a bit.  This corner of the shop seems safer.  Nothing here but foldy paper cranes.


But kitty-cat folding paper?  Poke, poke, poke.  I don’t trust it.

Oh, now this is interesting. There are several large tables with different “terrain” so that people can  play war games with miniature figures.

asgardgames-playing field

Ehehehehehe!  Look, Sigyn!  It is I, Loki!  Lord of Jotunheim, ruler of a kingdom of ice and snow!  And you, my sunny beloved, are queen of the greensward.  Can I tempt you to cross the line and join me in making some snow angels?

Here is a table being used for a game.  These pillars make good vantage points from which to direct strategy.

asgardgames-directing battle

Bring up the war engines! Circle the cross-bowmen around to the right!  Protect the left flank!  Onward, dogs of war! Let no man turn from glory!  Let—

What’s that?  We’re going to the pen shop now?  How on earth is that more important–or more fun!—than wiping out a whole battalion of marauders?

Pah.  You mortals are so boring.  My rule over you dullards can’t come a moment too soon.

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Oh, If Only I *Could* Get Away

Sigyn and I are having a little getaway in the Big City to the South.  Unfortunately, this is not going to be anything like a vacation, mini or otherwise, because the humans are with us–and two of their friends as well.  Look, people, you are what I want to get away FROM. But still, the human male is driving, which means I don’t have to worry about Big City traffic, which is fine by me.

Wait!  Stop!  I cry foul!  No one told me that one of our stops was going to be a religious articles store.  Sweet glittering bifrost!  By the looks of this place, a Norse Deity is not going to be very welcome AT ALL.

Sigyn wants to look around, though, and I can deny her nothing.  Poke about all you want, sweetie.  I’ll just be over here, not touching anything.

Oh, it looks like she’s found a book just her size.

saccos-prayer book

Augh!  I can’t look!  No!  Please!  Buy it if you must, but don’t read it aloud–I beg you!

If I put my fingers in my ears close my eyes and say my own prayer, maybe it will be all right.

Heilla Loki! Blóðkonur Óðins. Sonur Farbauti og Laufey. Faðir Fenriswolf, og Jormungand. Félagi og borðfélagi Óðins og Æsis. Þjófur Brisingamen og epli Idunnar. Ættingi Sleipnis. Eiginmaður Sigyns. Óvinur guða. Hárið á Sif. Framleiðandi ógæfu. Fávíslegur guð. Ákærandi og tíkari guðanna. Stuðningsmaður dauða Balder! Hrósaðu réttmætum konungi í Ásgarði og höfðingja Midgarðs! Megi hjálmur þinn alltaf glitra og hornin þín eru áberandi.

Is she done yet?

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