centipede valhalla

What’s Behind Door Number 302? Part IV: ‘Cause This is Chiller

There is more than gloves, Squiggly/Leggedy Things, and Planty Things in this room.  This is also where the human female and her staff keep the ultra cold freezer and the special refrigerator that can hold flammable things.  That last appliance doesn’t make any sense.  If something is on fire, it’s not exactly cold.

Let’s see what we have.

This is the inside of the ultra cold.  It runs at about negative 50 centipede.

ultracold

I know what you’re thinking, that I used the wrong word.  I, Loki, the Silvertongued, do not make errors of vocabulary or elocution.  This is where the human female’s staff puts the naughty, vicious centipedes after they are done observing them.  You thought I was joking about Centipede Valhalla, didn’t you?  By now they have probably run more than fifty centipedes through this thing.

The colorful blocky things are for holding test tubes of DNA and whatnot.  Congratulations, human female!  Now all your equipment has been contaminated with Jotun DNA.  Your next PCR experiment should be very interesting.

Oh, Sigyn!  You are shivering!  Let us move to the flammable fridge.  It’s bound to be warmer in there, one way or the other.

Some of these containers look very old.  Look at the dates!  They haven’t been used in years.  (I don’t think they clean out this fridge very often…)

ultracold2

Hmm.  Two jars of lanolin.  Greasy sheep paste!  You could have yourself some very soft skin, Sigyn.  But if I’m reading the labels correctly, the humans use this stuff as a carrier for plant growth regulators.  What do you think, my sunflower?  Shall we open the tiny container of indole-3- acetic acid, an auxin which promotes shoot growth, mix up a little batch, and see if we can make you taller?

lanolin

Just kidding!  You are perfect the way you are.

Sigyn is interested in these jars of green liquid.  “Chlorophyll extract.”  <sniff, sniff>  Whew!  Essence of spinach, with hints if diethyl ether, petroleum ether, and acetone.  Whiffy stuff!

chlorophyll

Yes, my love, chlorophyll is supposed to be healthy for you.  No, I do not think you should drink this.  I do not think the acetone would do you any good.

If you are still craving something green when this adventure is over, we can go and have a nice salad somewhere.

In the far corner of the room is the ice maker.  Sometimes, when the human female has been particularly vexing, I come in here to think and cool off.

There’s a big sign saying that the ice isn’t for human consumption,

loki-ice

but I’ve been known to nibble…

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What’s Behind Door Number 302? Part I: Leggedy Things

Sigyn, do you know what the human female is keeping in room 302?  No?  Neither do I.  It’s uncharted territory.  Like most unexplored places, it can be very difficult to get to.  Mostly because I magicked the card reader on the door and it almost never works.  The human female doesn’t even try anymore.  She just punches in the code —which I have managed to suss out.

So now, while the humans are sleeping off their enormous turkey dinners,  we can explore!

Aha!  This is where the human female and her staffers keep the living organisms.  I guess this is where all the beasties obtained from the Purveyor of Squiggly Things reside.

Let us greet the denizens in order of legginess.  First up, with eight apiece, are the tarantulas.  They all have names.  This one is called Rose.   No need to be frightened, Sigyn.  She can’t get out.

tarantula

I think…

Actually, if we are going by order of legginess, by all rights we should start with the crickets, which are the tarantula equivalent of Chex Mix.  Crickets have six legs, but they’re boring and smelly, so that’s why I skipped them.

Next would be the centipedes, but they’re fast and bitey, and intent on escaping, so they get to go to Centipede Valhalla soon after the students look at them.  There aren’t any live ones this late in the semester.

So that brings us to millipedes, which have more legs than I can be bothered to count.  They don’t do much, just crawl around slowly and occasionally munch on some potato slices.

centipede

They like to nap curled up like little watch mainsprings.  You know, if watch mainsprings had legs and antennae and were detritus feeders…

Then there are the hermit crabs.  I’m not sure how many leggies they have, because they seldom venture out of their borrowed shells long enough for anyone to get a good count.

Just to make the human female’s life a little more surreal, I think I’ll leave this Broken Equipment Report Form in the crab enclosure.

crabnote

Start the clock—let’s see how long it takes for anyone to notice.

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