cheap ass mortals

Loki in London, Day 2: Subways, Naughty Bits, Monuments, and Cheesy Carbs

We are getting an early start today, because there are Things to Do and See.  We’ll have to take the Tube.


Getting around on the Tube requires an Oyster card, a Tube map, and the fortitude to endure being squished up against multitudinous mortals of all shapes, sizes, and origins.  Not to mention personal aromas.  The humans think it’s fun.  I think it’s horrible.  To make it more bearable, Sigyn and I are playing Language Bingo.  So far this morning we have Allspeak, English, Polish, Arabic, Italian, and something that might be Chinese.

The mortals and Sigyn want to attend some old and famous church.


I’m not allowed in, which is fine by me, because I don’t have Latin on my bingo card.  I think I’ll sit in a cafe and drink tea instead.  Off they go, running to get there on time.  Ehehehehe!  I’ve bespelled the human female’s black stockings so that they fall down every ten steps when she hurries.  Look up “undignified” in any dictionary and you’ll see a drawing of her!


Sigyn says I missed a beautiful building and some lovely music.  If you say so, dearest.

Lunch is a sandwich, also eaten on the run.  Fact:  no sandwich in this realm comes without arugula.  I think it’s a law.

Apparently the rest of today is going to be Culture Day, because we are here at Somerset House, a big fancy building now full of Midgardian art, to look at some drawings by someone named Bottled Jello.  Sadly, the humans aren’t allowed to take photos, which might actually be a good thing.  The drawings are doodly illustrations for a long poem about the Midgardian notion of the Unpleasant Afterlife, and they are just full of naked people.  Naked men, actually, as apparently Mister Jello was of the opinion that no women would suffer eternal damnation.  Sigyn is a little embarrassed at the sight of so many naked bottoms (and other bits!), so I think we’ll go look in the other galleries.


There!  Nothing naughty about spotted cat ceramics!  Or inlaid wood furniture or paintings or marble sculptures.

(Later.)  The humans at last have soaked up about as much culture as they can in one go and we are now strolling along the Victoria Embankment.  I gather that this Victoria was at one time Queen of this realm–there are a lot of things named after her.  Once I have succeeded in taking over Midgard, everything will be named for me, of course.  Or perhaps I’ll name all the big, imposing buildings and battle monuments and suchlike after myself and name the gardens and museums for Sigyn.

The Embankment runs along a big, brownish river that seems to have been the original reason for putting a city here.  There are some nice gardens in this stretch.  The human female is making a spectacle of herself, gushing over each new blossom.  Sigyn is delighted to find that some of the plantings accord with her taste exactly.



There were ducks, but the human female was too slow to get them in the photo.  Typical.

Victoria Embankment

There are some big monuments up ahead.  One of them is a tall, skinny triangle covered with worn, squiggly hieroglyphics.  It’s flanked by two guardian beasts I don’t recognize–somewhat lionish but person-headed.  If you crossed a bilgesnipe with someone from Vanaheim…


^Requisite tourist photo of ourselves with the beast.

Look over there, Sigyn–that is the contrivance the mortals call “The Eye.”


I gather that one can ride it, gaining the ability to see much of the city from the top.  Since the humans are too cheap to buy us tickets, I will just teleport us to the top of it at some point when they are not looking.

All of this Art and Walking About have given us all a healthy appetite.  It is time to find someplace to eat, but no two of us agree on where we should dine.  It would seem, however, that there is one option that is somewhat acceptable to everyone.


There aren’t any anchovies under that cheese are there?

>|: [