darcy lewis

Into the New Year, Part II: All the Usual Suspects

Arrgh. This party looks to be just as pretentious and loud and obnoxious as I feared it would be. Stark has chosen to have it, not in the spacious lounge (whose window I once yeeted him out of), but in one of his cavernous workrooms. I suppose he was trying for “industrial chic”, but the result is not overly festive.

And here comes the man himself!

“Hello, hello! Welcome to me! And my tower! Glad you could make it. Sigyn, you’re looking as beautiful as ever. Dum-E, get these two a drink.”

“Hello, Stark. I see the Ugly Sweater Fairy paid you a Yule visit.”

“Pepper picked it out. I think it’s…quirky. Besides, Reindeer games, it’s about a thousand times better than that ratty green cape of yours. But come on in. Mi casa, and all that.”

Sigyn is a first-class mingler. She has made a beeline for the grill, where the female guests have got lobster and turkey legs going and are each possessed of a colorful cocktail.

(Captain Marvel:) “Hi, Sigyn! Glad you could make it!”

“Hi, Carol, Hi, Pepper! Nat, Darcy, good to see you. Is Jane here too?”

(Darcy:) “No, she’s off doing some science-y stuff at the South Pole. You know. Can we get you a drink? I’ve got a Purple People Eater, Pep’s a margarita girl, Widow’s got some mead or something, and Captain’s sticking with white wine.”

“Thanks. Maybe later.”

….

I see all sorts of people here I’d pay good money not to have to talk to. That corner over there looks particularly awful.

(Spidey:) “So this old lady bought me a churro. Turns out they’re great and now I can’t stop eating ’em.”

(Thor:) “Truly. I feel the same about these turkey legs.”

(Both:) “And that burger looks really, really good…”

….

I see the “No lie, there I was”-ing has started up over there.

Confession time. I can never tell Peter Quill and Hawkeye apart when they’re unarmed. Bow and arrow, it’s Birdbrain. Dorky goggles and a blaster, it’s Quill. No weapons? Toss up. Doesn’t matter, though. My tolerance for braggadocio is quite limited–my own glorious exploits are the only ones worth paying attention to–so there’s no way in Hel I’m going to break in on that little gathering.

Ehehehe! Nick Fury trying to make small talk with T’Challa and Muffy.

Now that’s an awkward situation almost worth coming to this party to see.

Well, well, well. What’s going on over there? Looks like the Arboreal Crowd are having a little confab.

Uh, oh. Someone had better keep an eye on Rocket…

or that little wreath-bot is going to finish the evening minus a couple of components…

Hmm. Mischief. Maybe this party isn’t a total waste of time after all…

>|: [

What They’ve All Been Up To, Part V: They’ll Let Just Anyone In Here

I’ve managed to check up on most of the local citizenry, but a few are conspicuously missing. Where are Black Widow, Captain Marvel, Pepper Potts, and the other members of the X Chromosome League?

Ah. Found them. All I had to do was follow the giggling.

Apparently it’s Hair-do Club Day and I didn’t get the memo. The topic for this week’s meeting is The Long Bob and the Faces It Flatters. Darcy looks unsure about chopping off her long mane.

Wait—I was momentarily blinded by the glare from the screen.

“Thor, is that you?”

“Indeed, brother! These fair ladies have been offering most sage advice on how best to tame my flowing locks.”

‘Flowing locks’? Give me a break.”

“Hey, can anyone get in on this?”

Gunnehilde! I was NOT expecting to run into my bearded sister-in-law today, and especially not here! It would appear that the five-o-clock shadow spell I cast upon her on the first day of April going on seven years ago has lost none of its efficacy. Is she not a sight to behold?

Ehehehehehe! As I said, it suits her. Sometimes I do not know my own strength. Ehehehehehe! Ack! I forget sometimes she knows what to do with that sword! Time to make a strategic retreat.

Ah. Late winter sunshine and the narcissus are blooming.

And I found Groot! I think he likes the sunshine, too.

Now, where did Sigyn go?

>|: [

The Only Thing Worse Than Costumes is a Party, Part II: I Think Hieronymus Bosch Was the Party Planner

I’m trapped in this Hel of a party and I can’t seem to convince Sigyn that it’s time to leave.  Surrounded by people I can barely tolerate, no food, and only Quill’s dumb mix tape for music.  Sigh.  At least Sigyn’s having fun.

hall-party12-heres darcy

S: “Hi!  I don’t think we’ve met.  I’m Sigyn.”

D:  “Hi, Sigyn! Great flower costume.  I’m Darcy.”

S:  “I don’t recognize your costume.  Who are you dressed as?”

D:  “Hahahahah.  I came as an unpaid lab intern.  Convincing, right?”

hall-party13-whats in the briefcase

S:  “Muffy, I can’t get over what a good Pepper Potts you make.  But what’s in the briefcase?”

M: “Oh, just what every high-powered female executive carries around.  You know.”

hall-party14-lobster

S:  “Hee hee hee!”

D:  “Hey, little pinchy dude, want to, like, go see if there’s some melted butter somewhere?”

…..

We seem to have been here forever.

hall-party15-chicken fighting

Still no refreshments, and the rabble have devolved into something called “chicken fighting.”  You can be sure I will ban this ludicrous practice when I take over the planet.

L: “Sigyn, can we pleeeeeeease go now?”

hall-party16-i made floam

Please examine this viscous pink substance I created in my lab.

L:  (poke, poke, poke)  “I don’t trust it.”
hall-party17-trying the flarp

H:  “Hey, guys!  You really need to try this!  It feels really neat between your toes!”

hall-party18-trying flarp

M: “It looks like a big, pink tongue, but it’s all cool and squishy…”

D:  “And it’s   s   t  r  e  t  c  h  y,   too!”

hall-party19-tony is the flarp safe

S:  “Help!  It’s got me!  Hee hee hee hee!”

M:  “Stark, this stuff had better come out of my wig…”

hall-party20-tony is here

IM: “Hey, folks!  I’m here!  The party can start now!”

CA:  “Stark!  If you’re here, then who is that there in the Dalek suit—?

hall-party21-then who is the dalek

EXTERMINATE!!