dead thing paella

The Dead Cat Ballet, Act 2…

I am still messing with the human female’s tiny mind with regard to yesterday’s large shipment from the Purveyor of Dead Things.  It’s so easy, there’s scarcely any sport in doing so, but I do so enjoy the faces she makes!

You may recall that yesterday’s shipment was short a large quantity of inedibly-pickled seafood–namely clams and squid.  There were three mystery shipments inbound from Fed-up and Exhausted, which the human female was hoping contained the missing invertebrates.

What did today bring?  More confusion!

The three shipments did actually show up at the human female’s workplace.  I say “three shipments,” but what she received was five boxes. Someone can’t count!  The five boxes, visually, seemed too small to contain all the missing items. What would they hold?  Squid? Clams?  Something else entirely?  Yule all over again!

The boxes contained….bivalves, bivalves, and more bivalves!  Two hundred and two of them, to be precise.  Usually, they’re packaged in bags holding 5 or 10, but quite a few of these were packaged individually in lots of plastic each, making them bulkier and more annoyingly wasteful.

But where are the squid?  We demand squid!  And the 202 clams don’t tally with the 204 on the big packing list from yesterday.  More delightful conversations:

HF: Um.  We’re up to our knees in clams, but still short–we requested eyebrow-level amounts of clams.  And we are, alas, still squidless.  And the math’s still wonky.

(I may have neglected to mention that the original order was for 647 clams.  Some have been on back-order since the very first, which makes whipping up a big batch of Dead Thing Paella more than a little problematic…)

PODT:  You are right. That is a lot of clams and a lamentable insufficiency of cephalopods.  We have done some research.  Your clams and squid did in fact not make it into the big shipment.  But when the order paperwork was processed, we saw clams and that triggered an inventory.  Know what we found?  Clams!  So we sent you some,  via Fed-up and Exhausted.  Please check our math:  202 clams actually visibly present in your possession + 204 clams listed on yesterday’s big packing list but regretfully AWOL + 241 on back-order = 647.   Plus 688 squid.  And 10 back-ordered lampreys.  To say nothing of the cats we still can’t cough up. Do we get a gold star?

HF:  Sigh. For now, yes.  Pleeeeeease send me more of my dead things!

PODT:  Yup.

Hooray! Mystery solved!  But you know me, I can’t let the fun end there.  Surely I can wring some more out of this jest.  There’s still receiving to do!  Which means BAMN!  I’ve made myself some popcorn and settled in to watch the show.

All right, we have material from two POs in the big shipment, because the seven male sharks were supposed to come last year but the PODT only sent females then so it’s males today.  But wait!  There were supposed to be seven NEW sharks also, smaller ones for the freshman class.  Augh!  There are only seven sharks on the packing slip. Which seven sharks did the human female get, the LS03586 all males or the LS03575-any-gender-goes? HOW DID SHE MISS THIS?!  Quick! Panic! 

Ehehehee! Now she’s sending frantic emails.  One to her minions:  Run down to the Dead Things room and see which Chondrichthyes are currently residing there!  One to accounting:  Wait! Don’t pay the invoice on the order I just did receiving for!  And the eye-rolling e-mail is coming back. From accounting:  Take a breath, woman, the invoice hasn’t shown up yet.  From Minion #1:  Hold on, I’ll check!  From Minion #2:  What are you rambling on about?  Check the last page of yesterday’s big packing slip.

Great Frigga’s hairpins, what a moron the human female is!  She is the only person I know who can LOSE a page of a multipage packing slip when it is stapled to the other pages.  Granted, the printout of the three five mystery Fed-up and Exhausted boxes got shuffled in there, but still.  There it is, in black and white.  All cartilaginous fishes fully accounted for.

Heh.  Now she’s sending “nevermind” e-mails.

What an exhausting morning!  But I think we finally have all the questions answered?  Where are the rest of the squid and not-back-ordered clams?  Still with PODT.  Where are the lampreys?  On back-order.  Did we get all the sharks?  Indeed we did.  Is the human female losing all her marbles?  Yes, by the handful.

So we are left with just one mystery.  A box has been left for the human female, and no one has a clue what it is.  She’s opened it, and it still doesn’t make sense.

misdelivered order

RNA?  D1000 reagents?  None of this is familiar.  It’s either a misdelivery or the early stages of a nervous breakdown and dementia.

I know which my money’s on.

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