do not lick that ear you don’t know whee its been (but i have suspicions)

A Most Perilous Feast

It is truly the Eating Season, with an endless round of parties, breakfasts, luncheons, and assorted snacktaculars.  The human female always looks forward to the Departmental Luncheon at work.  It is a time to socialize with coworkers and people who work in other buildings.  A time of hail-fellow-well-met.  But mostly a time of unrestrained gluttony.  Sigyn and I have attended before.  There is usually a good variety of comestibles to choose from, and I am by no means averse to trying a little of everything.

Dammit all to Hel and back!  Just as I was assessing her laden plate, the human female nudged me accidentally-on-purpose, and the unthinkable happened.


Laugh it up, you hag.  I must and shall be avenged.  By Thor’s bitty pall-peen, I hope turkey gravy is not permanently damaging to helmets!

That’s better.  Now, what have we here?


Turkey, dressing, potatoes, gravy, green things, yellow fruity things, the human female’s usual offering of pilaf, some shreddy vegetables, a little ball of something that smells vaguely sausagesque, some red goo, and something wrapped in something leafy.  You distract the human female, Sigyn, and I’ll taste-test to see what’s good.

Sigyn is engaging the human female in a discussion of Yule trees.  Sigyn thinks this one is pretty, and a good size.


I don’t know.  I’m not usually much for flocked trees, but if Sigyn likes it…  Sweetie, you do know that I can frost any tree you pick, right?

Oh, no!  Sigyn’s interaction with the table decor has reached unacceptable levels.


Sigh.  Attracted, no doubt, by the sparkly red balls and the crinkly red paper.  Hold tight, my love.  Loki’s coming.

I think we both deserve a big plate of dessert to allay the horrors of our accidents, don’t you?  Let’s see what’s on the goodie table.


Sigyn is delighted to see that there are cut-out cookies.  Please tell me this isn’t the same bear as last year?  He looks less worried but seems to have acquired some brown…something… on his right ear.  Do I even want to know what it is?

Let’s see what else we have.


Volstagg’s embonpont!  I don’t recognize half of this!  But it looks as if it includes an impressive quantity of nuts, fruits, sugar, and fat, so we’re good.  But look at the lower part of that bear!  The human female has eaten his left foot, but there is a second one underneath!  Mutant bear?  Two bears stuck together?  Bear with a spare?  Perhaps that’s why he looks less anxious this year–he knows he can afford to lose a leg and keep on going.

But has he got a second head?  Let’s see you recover from this, you ursine confection!  Munch, munch, munch…

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