Eater Bunny

Not All Bunnies and Flowers, Part III: An Untimely and Gruesome Carnage

Do you recall the All Hallows pumpkin?  The one that overstayed its welcome?  Back in December, I predicted that the human female was going to put a Santa hat on it and make it suffice for yet another holiday.

Well, as of the Eater Bunny festival, the stupid thing was still sitting on the front stoop.

The human female brought it into the kitchen and gave it a good scrub.

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I was appalled!  Surely she wasn’t going to eat it?!  I mean, technically a pumpkin is a squash and is theoretically edible, but this superannuated pepo had essentially become a family member.

She whacked it open, revealing all its stringy innards.

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Sigyn was quite distressed at its demise.

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(poke poke poke)  It looked a little dry, and one of the seeds had sprouted.  I was very interested at this point, to see if anyone was actually going to eat this mess.

The poor thing was stripped of its skin and cut into chunks.

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A bit of steaming time in the microwave, a dab of butter, and a little maple sugar, and the All-Hallows-Yule-Eater Bunny Festival pumpkin was served forth.

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My sweetie couldn’t bear to have any.

Sigyn, I’m sorry to tell you that your cucurbitaceous friend was dee-licious.

The Day After Easter–Shhhh! (Sigyn Speaks)

I’ve been walking for a long time.  Surely the Easter Bunny is around here somewhere.

Ohhhh!  I think…  I think that’s him there, asleep under the oxalis…

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He looks so tired.  I’ll let him sleep and leave a snack for when he wakes up.

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And I have an idea…

A cold front came in and it’s a little cool today.  I think I have just what we need back home.  Sleep tight, Easter Bunny.  I’ll be back quick as I can.

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Nighty night.

: )

The Day After Easter (Sigyn Speaks)

Happy Day-after-Easter!  Isn’t it a beautiful day?

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The primrose-y corner of the lawn is looking especially beautiful today.  I think I’ll go for a walk!

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What’s this?

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A left-behind Easter egg!

And look!  Here’s another one!

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I didn’t know this walk was going to be an egg hunt!   I wonder who left them?

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I don’t see anyone over this way?

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Nobody that way, either.  No one seems to want them.   Hmm.  But I like hard-boiled eggs.  I’ll go home and fetch a basket and come back to collect them.

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Hum te tum, humty tumty tum!

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I’ve got the white one, and here’s the bluey-gray one.  I do wonder who left them?

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Maybe it was the Easter Bunny!  Maybe he knew I’d be out for a walk today and left them just for me to find!

I wonder what the Easter Bunny does the day after Easter?  I mean, Santa Claus has Mrs. Claus to look after him and make sure he eats something healthy after all of the cookies, but who looks after the Easter Bunny?   Hey!  That gives me a great idea!  Be right back!

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I’m going to go see if I can find him, and bring him a snack ’cause he’s probably tired and hungry from all of the egg-decorating and hopping.

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There’s a bunny!  “Excuse me, are you the Easter Bunny?”

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“Well, hello there!  No, I’m not the Easter Bunny.”

“Oh.  Okay.  Here’s a carrot for you anyway.  Bye!”

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There’s another bunny!  “Pardon me, are you the Easter Bunny?”

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“No, my dear.  I’m not.”

“Oh.  That’s all right.  Do you know where I can find him?”

“I’m not sure.  Maybe along over thataway?”

“Thank you!  Here’s a carrot for you.  Have a nice day!”

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Maybe this is the Easter Bunny!  “Hello!  Are you the Easter Bunny?”

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“No, little one, I’m not.  But I think I saw him earlier.  If you keep going along the path, you may find him.”

“Oh, thank you!   Here–have a carrot!  Bye!”

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…to be continued.

: )

 

Found Them! The Perfect Posies

I think I have the right idea with a potted plant rather than cut flowers, something that Sigyn can enjoy for a long time.  The hibiscus I looked at was a step in the right direction, but lavender is not her favorite color.

Ah, orchids!  Lovely, and quite exotic!  The blooms last for months.  Sigyn would love an orchid plant!

This one is in a very pretty pot.

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The tag says “Dendrobium.”  It’s very nice, but I’m not sure orange is any better than lavender.

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Now this has promise!

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Yellow is Sigyn’s second-favorite color.  And this one also has the pretty china pot.

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It also has some buds, so it will stay in flower for a long time.

The label says Cattleya.

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Idunn’s apples!  It is very heavy!

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Okay, orchid, you are coming with me, but I am not carrying you all the way home.  I think magic is called for!  Luckily, levitation is child’s play for one of my skill.

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What can I say?  If you’re levitating one plant, you might as well magic them all…

Happy Eater Bunny Day, sweetie!

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Shopping and Seasonal Silliness, Part II: The Seasonal Part

Well, they have not thrown us out of the establishment yet, Sigyn, so let us meander through the seasonal offerings.

It would appear that Midgardians are gearing up once again for the annual festival of the Eater Bunny.  Once more, children will seek to appease the ravenous lagomorph with gifts of colored eggs and other frivolities.

Ah.  Votary images of the foul beast.

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Those are properly terrifying.  Step back, Sigyn–the tall one looks poised to crush unwary supplicants!

Oh, but this one appears considerably more benign.

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Have a care, my love!  The creature may seem “wooby” and soft, but there are no doubt formidable incisors hidden behind that tiny smirk.

Usually at this time of year, one can find effigies constructed of inferior confectionery.

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And here they are!  Although these shiny bunnies may be less duplicitous than the larger statues, which always seem to offer days of solid, cocoa-induced euphoria, but which are usually waxy, hollow shams which taste of disappointment and false promises.

Moving on.  My beloved is enchanted with these miniature, egg-shaped snow globes.  

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In find them completely baffling and unscientific.  In what reality do they make sense?!  Not only would baby ducks, chickens, and rabbits both drown AND suffocate if sealed in containers of water, but the vigorous shaking one is expected to do would scramble their brains permanently!  Not to mention that if caught in sudden spring blizzard, such as is represented by these baubles, baby animals would likely freeze to death!  Hmmm.  Maybe that is the whole point.  Perhaps these are meant as symbolic offerings to the Eater Bunny—stand-ins for actual animals sacrificed to its capricious, insatiable hunger?

Sigyn has found something which reeks less of death.

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You are mighty cute up there, precious!

And very conspicuous.  Pray dismount, my love–the sales clerk is headed in our direction, and she seems less than pleased.

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Ah, very clever!  Blending in is always a good strategy.

With any luck, we shall remain undetected while the humans are ejected for loitering.

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Out on the Town, Trying to Pick Up Chicks

The local markets have been full of all the trippings and trappings of the annual Eater Bunny celebration for well over a month now.  Sigyn and the human female like to stop to squee over all the “cute” things.  I have tagged along on today’s shopping trip,  just to curb their enthusiasm and make sure that not too much junk follows them home.*

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Really, dearest?  You want four bright yellow fluffy fake fowlettes with seriously beady eyes?  I know you think they’re cute, but I simply cannot imagine anything sillier.

Except perhaps a six-pack…

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Or the pastel jobbies in the background.

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*It’s my personal theory that the inferior “chocolate” used in seasonal molded rabbits gives off fumes that make mortals susceptible to the lures of plush animals in colors not found in nature, misshapen marshmallow birds, shredded cellophane, stale jelly beans, dyed wicker, and blown-out eggs filled with confetti and malice.

In Which We Meet the Fell Beast At Last

Sigyn wants to go look at the vetch in the front yard again, before it fades away.  (The human female says it’s a “wildflower” and “pretty,” but it’s really just a weed she’s too lazy to pull.)

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Fandral’s mustache! Sigyn, do you see that?

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Do you suppose…?  For years, we’ve been hearing tales about the Eater Bunny, vicious devourer of small children and hapless livestock.  You and I have encountered rabbits previously, and last year we assumed we’d proven the tales to be false, but this thing is so huge…

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Aww.  It’s cute!  Maybe this one is friendly too and–

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Avaunt, fell beast!  Release my beloved before I blast you into hasenpfeffer!

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Kick, Sigyn, KICK!  You have to keep him from swallowing!

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Quick!  I’ll hold his mouth open while you escape!  SPIT HER OUT, you lapinaceous hellspawn!

Sigyn, dearest, are you all right?  If he has harmed one hair on your precious head, I will flay him alive and make buntings for all the babies in the neighborhood!  Norns’ nighties!  That was close!

Wait!  What are you doing?

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Once again, Sigyn’s rapport with animals carries the day.  Ride the bunny all you like, my love.  I’m right behind you, and if he so much as twitches a whisker, I will pith him on the instant.

You heard it here, folks–the Eater Bunny is real

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