fire drill

Weeeeeep! Alert! Alert! Beeeeeep! (I Got Bored)

The fire alarms in the human female’s workplace have just gone off.


Like good little lemmings, the building’s occupants have all trooped down the stairs, the fire doors slamming shut behind them.  Now they’ve scattered.  They’re all supposed to gather on the lawn across the street, but it looks like quite a few are milling about down the street.

The staff are hard at work, defending the perimeter against hapless passers-by who, eyes glued to phones, insist on wandering through the evacuation zone.

We’ve been out here for a while now, and I’m having a hard time deciding what my favorite part of this prank is.  Is it that:

A.  No one seems to know what’s going on.  Are we in imminent danger of immolation?  Supposedly a drill was scheduled for today, but we had the brief “this is a test, you don’t need to evacuate” alarm earlier today.  The voice on this recent alarm didn’t say anything about a drill, so…

B.  The human female didn’t have time to snatch her all-precious USB drive out of her computer before she left.  Her *life* is on that drive.  It’d be a real delight if it managed to burn up, wouldn’t it?

C.  As the staff were checking that all the rooms on the human female’s floor were empty, they discovered that about half of the red “everyone’s out of this room” door tags were mysteriously missing.

D.  This is the third evacuation this week.  I made an fire alarm trifecta!

Ehehehehehe!  It’s E—All of the above!

Ah.  They’ve finally figured out that it is a drill, but they want us all outside anyway.  Hey, at least it isn’t cold and raining, like it was yesterday when everyone was standing around out here!

What’s the record for most evacuations in a semester?  I think I can beat that.

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Mischief update

I’ve been fairly busy. Nothing major, you understand. Just enough to let the human female and her cohorts know that I’m not to be trifled with. Mischief level 6.

The Great Temperature Wars at the workplace rage on. I’m still knocking out the heating and/or cooling at least once per week. This week, I took the chillers off-line, so things got very warm. When the Fixers came to Fix things, whatever they did made some sort of unsettling burning-electrics smell. Such odors make the building’s occupants more than slightly skittish, so this is how we spent the last hour of the workday:


The human female, officious wench that she is, derived a great deal of pleasure from telling passersby that they could not go down the sidewalk because there was a Fire Emergency of indeterminate origin in the building.

On another day, I may have dropped a whisper in a student”s ear that this simple item of lab equipment:


When introduced into an electrical socket, produces an exciting noise and a lovely light show. They ALWAYS end up trying it, resulting in more unsettling burning-electrics smells.

This was not my doing:–296337441.html–296337441.html. However, as irate as the faculty are and as much trouble as they are having with little things like filing income taxes and combating identity theft, I think I may have to brush up on my hacking skills, as the Return on Investment, mischief-wise, appears to be very great for this sort of thing.

But I was responsible for some domestic trouble. This morning, I induced the feline to hop up on the coffee table (strictly forbidden) and leave something more than a cat-bum-print upon a freshly written letter to the humans’ friend in a foreign realm. Her after-hours howling is going very well, too.

I have sown weeds in the front lawn, helped one of the human female’s favorite houseplants to that great compost bin in the sky, and altered the contents of two library books so that what looked like an interesting read in the library turned out to be–what’s the term the human female uses?– ah, yes: “drek.”

It is the season for “floppies,” large, awkwardly-flapping insects which blunder in and bounce around each evening. They can get in through any open door or window, and I do like to be hospitable. The feline finds them fun to chase, and I am often rewarded with the pounce-gobble-barf sequence that annoys the humans most.

That’s about it. I think I’ll go buy something inappropriate from an online auction using her ID and password. I’m thinking bright green, sequins, and a death metal band logo…

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