Fisi

Bored, Part I: The Desk of a Packrat

It. Is. Still. Gray. And. Drizzly.  Only now it’s warm and drizzly instead of cold and drizzly.  Everyone is starved for sunshine.  I’ve been wanting to take Sigyn to the zoo for weeks, but we haven’t had a sunny day since the New Year began.

Still, every dark, damp cloud has a silver lining, and the good thing about all this gray, miserable weather, is that the human female has been sick and she is currently mute, except for that horrid cough.

I’m bored, and since it’s too wet to go exploring outside, Sigyn and I have decided to see what mischief  adventures we can get up to closer to home.  Today we shall brave…. the Human Female’s Desk!

Our first find is:  Food!  No surprise there.  She’s always gobbling something.

pretzels

Help yourself.  She doesn’t need another snack anyway, especially a salty one.  She’ll just  swell up like a balloon.

Great Frigga’s hairpins!  Look at the clutter on this corner of the desk!  There must be a hundred sticky notes and bits of paper.  Doesn’t she ever tidy this up?  Ugh!  And that page-a-day!  Kitteh-speak!  I may hurl.

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Sigyn is entranced by the picture of the man in the snow.  Dearest, that is a Yule album.  That should give you some idea of when the last time was the human female put anything away.

Fisi!  What are you doing here?  I thought I told you to stay home today!  Then again, a slavering hyena couldn’t make this piece of real estate any less of a pig-sty, so knock yourself out.

Hmm.  What’s this in front of the keyboard?  A hurried jotting of a discount code that the human female could have applied to the two dozen stools she just ordered from this exact same vendor. . .

missed coupon

. . .Had she not ordered them on the seventeenth.  What’s the rest of that scribbling?  Sigyn says it’s a genetics problem involving eye color in fruit flies.  I don’t know…  That’s a lot of X’s and males and females…  I think she’s planning an orgy.  That could get her fired!  I’d better put this on her boss’ desk.

Ooo!  What is this thing?

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It’s round and woody and hollow, like a little pot.

And it’s full of these weird, hard-coated wedges.

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It’s either some new-fangled human-feeder, like the pellet machines at petting zoos or those treat balls that make a dog work for its noms,  or the fruit of some member of the Lecythidaceae.  I’d say all are equally likely.

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A Late Summer Walk, Part I:

The human female gets sort of…twitchy… when she hasn’t been out in the field for a while, and Sigyn is always up for a romp outdoors. Which means, of course, that if they want to go out and ogle flowers, I’m obliged to go along to make sure the human female does not drop my beloved on her head or into a sticker bush while boosting her up to smell some posy or other. Plus, it is a known fact that the human female has no sense of direction whatsoever. Someone has to make sure Sigyn makes it home. (The human female can get lost and stay lost for all I care.)

Fisi has insisted on accompanying us today.

walkies

Traveling with a botanist and a Sigyn is usually agonizingly s l o w, because those two have to stop and examine everything. Having a hyena along makes us even SLOWER because apparently hyenas, while possessed of some cat-like qualities, are canid enough to want to stop and sniff and wee about every six seconds. Fisi, if you’re coming, come on.

Late summer is a good time to study grasses. The human female is rattling off a lot of garble that she says is the Latin names of the grasses in flower. But it could also be random handfuls of letters from the Scrabble bag that is her brain.

grasses

That’s quite a lovely bouquet, Sigyn. But are you sure all of those are grasses?

When it is as dry and hot as it has been recently, the rule for finding flowers to look at is: Go Where the Water Is. Thus, we are on a sort of mini trip to the little pond/sluggish creek that is right in the neighborhood. (Good–it should be harder to get lost. But not impossible. Remember whom we are dealing with.) When we’ve had rain, it’s rather exciting, because the pond rises enough to overflow and drool across the sidewalk on its way to the storm sewer. There are frogs and turtles and willows and tiny fish. I remain vigilant, however, because this is where the human female once tried to throw me in.

The pond margin is very flowery. Sigyn has lost no time in climbing this Primrose Willow. Look at her–isn’t she adorable? She has such a beautiful, petal-like complexion.

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What a nice shade of blue this one is! The human female says it is called Ovate False Fiddleleaf. Um. Sure. I believe that is why most people use its slanty name, Hydrolea. Do be careful, dearest! It has some wicked spines, and there is one just above your hand.

hydrolea

Your plant is very pretty, but I like this one too. (Assumes know-it-all-botanist-voice) Observe: this is a Knotweed. There are pink ones and white ones. They have curiously knobbly nodes that have little fringey turtlenecks. Yes, that is the precise botanical terminology. Would I lie?

knotweed

Pfft! Who needs a degree in plant nerdity? I could be a botany instructor right now.

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A Visit From My “Brother”, Part I: Spare me.

Ugh. So Thor has come by today, to let me know that my evil clone is securely locked up and under magical restraint. The Avengers are an annoying bunch, to say the least, but they do have their uses. Is it very wrong of me to hope that Evil Loki misbehaves just enough to get a visit from the Hulk?

Thor says he also wants to check in on Sigyn–upon whom he dotes–and see how she is doing. Considering she was chained up in a windowless warehouse, practically starved, threatened by gingerbread and wild beasts, and subjected to the poisonous rantings of a megalomaniacal not-me, I think she is doing very well indeed! She had nightmares last night, but a cuddle and some warm milk soon soothed her back to sleep. The hyena, who insisted in sleeping at Sigyn’s feet, also had nightmares, and trust me, the whimpering snore of a hyena is not a lovely sound. I put in ear plugs and slept on the sofa.

Sigyn is introducing Thor to Fisi. Two shaggy carnivores with sloppy eating habits and sub-par IQ’s–they will have a lot to talk about.

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Sigyn is quite fond of her new pet, even though it does seem to be gnawing on Mjolnir!

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Bad hyena! Bad Fisi! No biscuit! Ehehehehehe!

Oh, great. They’ve worked out their little squabble, and now the hyena is fawning and groveling over Thor. Mangy thing tried to bite me. Animals never like me for some reason…

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Who knew hyenas have a tickle spot?!

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Making The Best of It. (Sigyn speaks)

Time just crawls in this place. Four days? Five days? I’ve tried to keep track, but with no windows, it’s hard to know where one day leaves off and the next one begins. Evil Loki comes by every so often to gloat and to ask if I’ve decided to join him yet. Never! I know my Loki will find me.

I am trying to remain hopeful and keep my spirits up. One of the robots brought me a book, so I at least have something to pass the time. It is a truly dreadful book, but it is better than nothing. I have been reading aloud to the hyena, Fisi, and the rats. I think the hyena likes me, probably because I have also been letting it have most of my bread.

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Sitting in a bare, smelly warehouse doesn’t give you much of an appetite…

Where were we Fisi? Oh, that’s right. Edward had just rescued Bella from the car.

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A Messge for Loki (Evil Loki speaks)

Loki… Open your mind to me. It is I, your other self. Have you forgotten that you made me? How careless you are.


I *am* you. No, I am stronger than you, better than you. You have been on Midgard for more than a year, and what have you accomplished? Where is your palace? Where is your throne? Where are your kneeling subjects?


Where is your woman? Ehehehehe. Oh, that’s right. *I* have her.

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Take a good look, Loki Do you see the chains? The rats? The wild beasts, killer robots, and deranged gingerbread? Sigyn longs for you. Come to her! Rescue her!


Here is my bargain: This realm for the girl. Follow this vision and you’ll find her. Eventually. Come swear fealty to me. Renounce your claim on Midgard and I’ll return her to you. That’s a fair exchange, isn’t it? The planet you haven’t conquered for the one thing you want most? Or maybe I’ll keep her and let her rule by my side. She’s very pretty…

But you might want to hurry… I grow impatient, and my hyena is…hungry.

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