food drive

I Was Tricked Into Being Here, Part II: Where the Human Female Shines

I think the human female was a terrier in a former life, and Sigyn is nearly as bad.  They are not content with sorting and counting.  Oh, no!  Not them!

No, they’ve decided that things have to match.  Each family is going to receive two boxes of stuffing, and they’ve decided that the two must be the same kind–chicken, turkey, herb, cornbread, etc.  Moreover, they’ve decided they need to be the same brand as well.

Great idea, ladies.  I shall leave you to it.


(later)  Sigyn says that was fun, like a big matching game.  If you say so, sweetie.  Are we done yet?

By Volstagg’s Groaning Waistcoat Buttons!  Apparently we are not done.  Sigyn and the human female have decided that the desserts have to be sorted out as well.   Each family gets two different ones.

One is a not-a-cake.  Brownies seem to be a popular choice.  All we need to do is count these.


If you stack them by tens, my love, it will go better for you later, I assure you, since the human female can’t count very high.

Ugh!  Not done yet!  Now they want to tackle the is-a-cake table.  They’ve decided that the cake and the frosting have to match.  Chocolate with chocolate, vanilla with vanilla, carrot cake with cream cheese icing, Funfetti with Funfetti.


Strawberry with strawberry.

(later)  I… I think they actually did it.  As long as the frosting towers don’t fall over, they should be all right.

Yawn!  We have been at this for several hours.  Sigyn says we are done for today.

For today?!  Is this not it?

Oh.  Apparently tomorrow is Phase Two, which involves filling bags with the right number of items, tagging them for families, attaching gift cards, sorting them by delivery routes, and then making sure they go where they’re supposed to.  I will let the human female get up early and come back and do that if she chooses, but I think I’ve exhausted all my pitiful store of philanthropy for the week decade, so I will sleep in.

But first—moving and counting and sorting all of this food has given everyone a case of the hungries.  There are snacks at the back of the room.   After staring at so much cake and frosting and brownie mix, I’m hoping there is something gooey, but…


I detect the human female’s handiwork.

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I Was Tricked Into Being Here, Part I: I Was Promised Chaos!

The human female said something about people running around and chaos and food, so when she and Sigyn asked if I wanted to join them, I thought, “Why not?” and came with.

Big mistake.

Turns out this isn’t some raucous party with infinite opportunities for mischief, it’s  a church food drive and I’ve been recruited to help sort and pack.  If word of this gets out it is NOT going to do good things to my villain cred.

Looks like the food is all here and now we just have to sort it, with the various items for the holiday baskets going on different tables.  Sorting gravy mix from instant potatoes is a bit beneath my intellectual capabilities, but Sigyn is having fun, so I guess I can stand it for an hour or two.


I must admit, that went very quickly.


The people in charge are actually pretty well organized.  One of them wants the human female to help be in charge next year.  Snort!  They have never seen the inside of her backpack.  If they had, they wouldn’t put her and “organized” in the same state, let alone the same sentence.

It’s all sorted.  Now we have to count things, since we need a certain number of each item.  Sigyn and I are on the “Bean” table.




Along the way, we’re supposed to check dates and put aside anything that’s expired.  There’s a prize for whoever finds the most out-of-date thing.

These spuds have seen better days.


No, wait!  This can is even older.


Brainstorm!  Quick, Sigyn–we brought the human female!  There is nothing here as decrepit and past the best-by date as she is!  We are sure to win!

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