I’m Sure You’ve All Been Wondering

You’d have to be living under a bushel basket not to have been asked this a hundred times in recent days.  It’s a topic monopolizing the news, most of the blogs, and all the workplace talk. Heated discussions erupt at the drop of a hat.  It’s the most important decision ever:

What are you going as for Halloween?

Sigyn has outdone herself this year.


With her toga, sandals, bow, and doggish companion, she is the spitting image of the Midgardian deity Diana, Goddess of the Hunt.


You are beautiful, darling, and my goddess any day of the year.

Sigyn is going to be quite surprised to see my get-up.  You see, after Sigyn and I talked over the whole “Steve” business, I paid the All-American Man With a Plan a little visit, just to prove there are were no hard feelings.

Perhaps, Sigyn, you prefer your new companion, given that you seem to like him so much.


Oh, this is much better. Costume’s a bit much… so tight. But the confidence, I can feel the righteousness surging. Hey, you wanna have a rousing discussion about truth, honor, patriotism? God bless America…


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Time For the Annual Cucurbicide

Sigyn and I did not carve pumpkins last year.  We were too busy and couldn’t think of anything to top the previous year’s perforated pepos.  This year, we feel the urge to do a little gourd-gouging.

There are some intriguing prospects at the market.  Yes, dearest, that is a fine pumpkin!


But it’s a bit…big.  I think you would probably be still be carving next Halloween.

Now this one looks properly hideous and ghoulish.


Whack in a couple of eye-holes in this pumpy lumpkin and bam!  Instant Quasimodo.

The human female however, is in no mood to deal with vast quantities of pumpkin guts and has procured us somewhat smaller vegetable specimens, as well as paper for planning our designs.  Sigyn has something cheerful in mind.


I, of course, am in the mood for something a little more frightening.  I am never without at least one instrument of stabbiness secreted about my person…


…so we are all set.  Let the pumpkin perforating begin!

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It’s That Time Again!

Last year, Sigyn and I went all-out for Halloween.  Costumes, pumpkins, candy–festivities galore!  This year, the humans and Sigyn and I have been very busy, and we don’t havea time for cucurbitaceous carvings, but we can dress up!

Sigyn started talking about what she wanted to be this year sometime back in July.  “I want to be a butterfly!”  Well, what’s the point of having a a sorcerous paramour if you can’t get what you want?  Behold:  the most beautiful Lepidopteran ever,  Legovanessa sigynii.


And because “couple’s costumes” are a Midgardian tradition, I have joined Sigyn in insectile raiment.


Let the extortion of sweets begin!  Fisi has been recruited to accompany us and carry the pillowcase full of tasty loot.

ready to go


Now, I’m no mathematician, but I think that the odds of every house in the neighborhood handing out the same type of candy must be vanishingly small.


I think there is probably a journal paper to be written about this.

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Halloween, Part III: The Spoils.

Sigyn and I were too tired last night to do more than scarf down a couple of chocolate bars apiece, remove our costumes, and fall into bed. This morning, we are looking over our booty.

Not a bad haul. Sigyn is clearly excited. Look, my love, those round ones have an “S” on them. They must be specially for you.


Sigyn has gravitated to the candy in red packaging, while I am intrigued by these…


What, pray tell, is a “Whopper”?* And what manner of thing is “partially hydrogenated coconut oil”? I think it is probably best not to read the labels so closely.

Wait! What mischief is this? I believe that some of our neighbors used this holiday as an excuse to get rid of last year’s Yule confections. Broken ones, at that!


And what cheap bastard gave us a cough drop?

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* Sigyn has explained the various meanings of the Midgardian word “Whopper.” A most suitable candy for the God of Lies!

Halloween, Part II: The Quest for Sweeties

We have left the horse behind–he has a definite sweet tooth and a tendency to steal one’s candy. He’s also not above nipping. Though manual labor is beneath me, I will consent to pull the wagon from house to house.


We are amassing quite the haul! I see at least some chocolate among the goodies. Midgardians are about 99% useless, but one of them did manage to figure out the cacao bean’s higher calling, so the race gets a “pass” from me and I won’t destroy them all just yet.

….Many houses and not a few tricks later…

It is growing difficult to manage the wagon, my head, and my temper while being jostled by hordes of diminutive, trick-or-treaters who are all screaming and veritably fizzing with ingested sugar. Here… I will just put my head on top of the pile. It can keep an eye out for marauders sneaking up from behind.


Let’s just go to the end of the block and then head for home to see what we’ve collected!

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Halloween, Part I: Clothes Make the Man (or Woman)

Sigyn and I discussed doing what is colloquially termed a “couple’s costume,” but we couldn’t agree on whom to be. She wanted to go as a pair of flower fairies, but I nipped that in the bud. (Ehhehehehe.) I wanted to be something disgusting and obnoxious, like Thor snogging Jane Foster, or something truly terrifying, like Sigyn’s half-sister Gunnehilde. We could have just reprised our pirate garb, but that seemed like cheating.

Sigyn finally decided it was easiest to be a ghost. Not just any ghost, mind you. No, she is going around saying things like, “About fifty-fifty,” and “It might or it might not,” and “It’s the luck of the draw.”* And she has her little basket all ready for candy.


I have decided to impersonate a famous, fearful fiend from Midgardian folklore. Is this not a good illusion?


And look at what I can make the photo do! (Just watch it for a moment.) Mwahahahaha!


Since, apart from tricking or terrifying one’s neighbors, this festival is about the sanctioned extortion of sweets, I have decided that no small basket or bag will suit my needs. I understand that a pillowcase is an accepted substitute.


No, wait! I have an even better idea! Come, Sigyn! Mayhem and sweetmeats await!


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* She’s a “ghost of a chance.”  Clever, yes?  It took me a while to figure it out. I do love that girl!

In which Sigyn and I create some Cucurbitaceous lighting fixtures.

I wanted Sigyn to think BIG when choosing a pumpkin to carve.

That’s more like it! These are fine specimens.

Sigyn is too tender-hearted to be comfortable cutting into them.


I have no such qualms. Plus, wicked knife skills!

Hmm. So that’s what they look like inside. I haven’t seen such an innardy mess since that time Volstagg ate a whole elk in one sitting … without cutlery.


Time to get to work. We have some serious scooping and scraping and slicing to do.

Here is my creation. Not that I think my dearest’s face is frightening, it’s just that I thought it would be fun to capture her sweet smile. Look! It’s a Sigyn-o-lantern!


Very well. If you insist upon scary… A little magic, and…


I am very proud of this pumpk– Oh. My. Sigyn, as usual, has completely outclassed me in the field of arts and crafts. Well done, my cunning girl!


They make quite a pair.


Time to light them up!


WOoooOOOOOooooOOooo! What comes next? Costumes and candy!

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I will admit I don’t fully understand all the aspects of the upcoming Midgardian holiday. Parts of it I get. I am the God of Lies (with a fantastic wardrobe), so you could say I am all about costumes and illusions. Trickery, of course, I excel at. Frightening people is a favorite hobby of mine. I am enthusiastic about candy.

But this obsession with butchering gourds simply escapes me. Sigyn wants to try it, though, so I will go along with this inexplicable tradition. She wants to work on this little fellow.


Truly? You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling Anything worth doing is worth doing extravagantly. Let me show you what I mean…

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Sigyn likes to shop, too!

My cherished snowflake has joined me in perusal of this most interesting catalog. She wants to order a rainbow of fuzzy bears.


Dearest, I’m not sure you have grasped the purpose of the upcoming holiday. We need to choose something spookier.

Stretchy flying bats? I must admit, those do look like fun… Bet I could hit the cat from twenty paces with one of those.


And–hey–look! They sell weapons! Weapons that glow in the dark!


I must have some! Hmm… Axes or tridents? Tridents or axes? Well, since it’s not going to be *my* money I’m spending, I shall order a dozen of each! Sigyn, do you like the bracelets? If you like, I will have them send those as well. Nothing’s too good for my sweetie.

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