I didn't do it

A New Yule Tradition–Day 5: An Inauspicious Start to the New Year

It’s our last day, so to help distract us from the giant elephant in the room of having to return home tomorrow, we have scheduled one last big adventure.

Sigyn has never flown in a hot-air balloon, and neither have I.


It will be a good way to survey the surrounding countryside, and with my magic, there’s no danger that we will crash or drift out to see or some such foolishness .  See if you can find us one whose gondola is not already full of Victorian cosplayers.

(later)  That was quite fun!  We shall have to do it again sometime soon.

We do not have time for a visit to the botanical garden, but we can certainly spend some pleasant moments strolling in this grove of glitter pines.

red and gold trees

Sigyn really likes them, because they are *SpArkLy* and essentially red and yellow.  Ehehehe–think how awful one would look in the human female’s yard…  It just might be time to do a little guerilla gardening…


Uh, oh.  Sigyn, I think we may have strayed into a part of town that is not so nice…  There’s no need to fear, since I have my magic and my dagger (and many other weapons secreted about my person), but let us pay attention and remain aware of our surroundings as we work our way back to the camper.

Norns’ nighties!  I think this poor fellow has been the victim of a mugging!


Run and fetch help whilst I try to stop his hemorrhage.

Ugh. This is not how I wanted to end our trip.  Hang on, fellow.  Help is coming.

(a bit later)

Yes, officer, I “just happened” to come upon the poor, late Mister Frosty.

tin copper

Yes, I had a dagger, but it was out because this is a shady part of town and I surmised—correctly, I might add— that you boys in blue have not been diligent in keeping up patrols in the area.  If anyone’s to blame, it’s you.

Yes, officer, there is blood on my cloak, but only because I stopped to render aid.  Is that not the correct thing to do in these parts?

Look, I know that I do have a bit of a reputation for mayhem and violence, but ask anyone:  I only visit such upon those who have wronged me, and I’ve never tasted seen the  poor fellow before.

No, I would not like to accompany you down to any station to answer any more questions.  I am a god, you dull creature, and I am done with answering questions.  I have NOT stabbed anyone today, but if you annoy me further, that might change.  Cease casting your aspersions upon my honor or I shall leave you with a wound which you can compare to the deceased’s.

Come, Sigyn, we are teleporting home.  I’m sorry that our vacation has had to end upon such a sad and sour note.   Think of hot air balloons, sparkly trees, cat-shaped mugs, cozy campers, furry deer, and strolls along the canal.

Next year, we are definitely going back to doing the glass museum instead.

>|: [

Don’t Look at Me!

Before you ask, I didn’t do it.


Although… I do find depriving the humans of a place to park so that they can go and eat at the fun restaurants in the area vastly amusing.

>|: [

It Wasn’t Me, But I’ll Have to Remember That Google Could Be a Good Ally

I wish–Oh, how I wish!–I could get the human female involved in something like this:


That is some first-class mischief right there!

Actually, come to think of it, the human female drives so slowly down country roads in the spring, gawking at all the wildflowers, that often traffic *does* tend to pile up behind her.  If I tweak Google to recommend whatever route she’s taking to a bunch of other drivers as a speedy detour, the results could be record-setting.

Speaking of records, this is my 1,700th post.  Time flies when you’re creating mayhem!

>|: [

I Didn’t Do It–But I Laughed When It Happened!

Quiz time, mortals!  Can you identify this object?

mirror owie

If you guessed “housing for automobile side-view mirror”, you are correct!  This particular one is no longer affixed to the humans’ vehicle.  Why?  It was, I snicker to say, a case of Good News/Bad News.

The Good News is that the human male remembered to take the auto in for its scheduled safety inspection.  I know that I, for one, will sleep better knowing that when we are out and about, my Sigyn is riding in a vehicle with working brakes and steering.

The Bad (and Funny) News that when the dealership was running the very dirty vehicle through its complimentary car wash, their automated equipment ate a large patch of paint off the driver’s side mirror.  They apologized profusely, but the human male still had to get up early to take the vehicle in to have the free replacement installed.

Now, what to do with this damaged old one?  I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and all I have come up with so far is “candy dish for a demolition-derby themed birthday party.”  If you have a better idea (the mischiefier, the better), please let me know in the comments!

>|: [


It Wasn’t Me

News item:


Though I wish I’d thought of it.  It would be fun to watch the human female try to get it off the front lawn.

And you know I’d place it with the rump facing the street.

Of course, she’s so weird she’d probably leave it.  But then it would be fun to watch her mow around it…

Missed my chance, didn’t I?

>|: [

Ahahahahaha! Snort! Ahahahaha!

I swear on my pointy helmet that I was not responsible, but…


Ehehehehe… Maybe it’s just the box….

Ahahahahaha!  Nope!

The human female…


Got socks for Yule.  ALL the socks!

So, so richly deserved!

>|: [

You Believe It Wasn’t Me, Right?

By my own pointy helmet, I swear this wasn’t me!


One: taking only 5% of a nation’s GDP is too paltry to bother with, and

Two:  Liberian money is just too hard to unload.

>|: [