I don't trust it

Must Be Something in the Water

Most of us here in this house are a big fan of fresh blueberries. Sigyn and the human female are an even bigger fan of big blueberries.

Which is why they were overjoyed when the male brought home these monsters from a recent visit to the market.

(poke, poke, poke) This is either a new cultivar or the grower is feeding them something… untoward.

The larger ones are fully an inch across…

…and about a third of a Sigyn tall.

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Who Is This Sly Interloper?

The human male, having just retired (Norns help me, they’ll BOTH be home all day now!) has ferried quite a bit of flotsam home from his office. The latest installment of tat included this…thing:

It’s a….sheep? A wolf? A sheep in wolf’s clothing? A one-eyed sheep in wolf’s clothing?

“Hail, stranger! What manner of beast be you?”

“I am that most subtle of all artiodactylous creatures, the Killer Sheep.”

“Pardon me for being on my guard, sheep. I have a deep-rooted dislike and suspicion of one eyed entities. <cough thorandodin cough>

“And I have no liking for little pipsqueaks and their tiny, pointy spears.”

“Oh, it’s like that, is it? Well, wool-for-brains, I am a god, I was here first, and I have a very good recipe for souvlaki. What do you say to that?”

“Very well, godling, I’m leaving. But I’ll be baaaaaack.”

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Is It a Plant—Or a Pet?

One of the human female’s techs gifted her with this strange object as a “You’re going; please don’t come back” gift.

I have no idea what it is. It’s an Erlenmeyer flask, with a twig, some pebbles, and a green, furry thing.

Sigyn wants to pet the green, furry thing.

I’ve been staring at it now for twenty minutes, and I still don’t know what it is. It certainly hasn’t done anything.

I don’t trust it.

(later)

Ah. This may provide some elucidation.

“Mossball Terrarium.” So this thing is a mossball. A ball, as it were, of moss.

I am unopposed to moss. (It is very comfy to nap upon.) But I think of moss as something land-loving, preferring shady nooks and tree trunks. I’ve never seen any under water.

Oh. What we have here is false advertising. It’s not a moss at all; it’s an alga. And they can live for centuries and be passed down as a family heirloom? Bizarre.

The instructions look simple enough.

It’s cute that someone thinks the human female won’t kill this in a month.

(a bit later)

I’ve been doing a little research. Apparently, these “mossballs” are so popular that there are numerous fakes about. According to my sources, it can be difficult to distinguish the the genuine from the ersatz.

We’ll see how long it takes the human female to notice when I replace hers with a ball of green dryer lint…

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The Human Male: On a Mission

The human male gets these tidying fits every now and then.  He’ll be looking for something or putting an item away and suddenly decide that the cooling box needs emptying and cleaning or all the CD’s need reorganizing or something,  and the next thing you know there is stuff everywhere and it is a Big Project that takes ages and costs lives.

The other day, the humans made ice cream in this weird ball thing they have, and the human male got frustrated when he tried to put it away afterwards.  So today he has decided that the Cabinet of Doom up over the stove needs reorganizing!

I will admit, it is a scary place.  Not only is it cluttered and disorganized, and likely to drop something on your head when you open it, but it’s also where the finger-slicing mandolin lives, and that thing frightens me.

He is making good progress.  All the baskets have been banished to the cabinet over the cooling box. (No one ever goes in there.  I predict they will be forgotten and never seen again.)

There is now a collection of things on the counter that need to be discarded if homes can’t be found for them.

“Pot pourri pot”?  What even is that?

kitchenclean1

No one remembers buying this or being given this.  Sigyn is intrigued.  Probably because, if the picture on the box is to be believed, it has flowers on it.

She thinks it’s very pretty in person.

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Oh, but look at the cord, dearest.

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It’s brittle–and brown in spots!  Not safe!  If you can’t find a way to turn this gizmo into a flower pot, my love, out it goes.

What is this do-hickey?

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Sigyn says it’s the scoop holder for the electric rice cooker.  She could be right.  I’ve never seen the humans use it though, so I suspect it’s not long for this world.

Another piece of anonymous plastic:

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This I recognize:  it’s a piece from the old cooling box, the one that died earlier this year.  Some sort of adjustable shelf divider that never got used because why would you want to break up the space in the door shelves?  That is prime real estate!

It has a recycle number–out it goes!

Oh, look!  A spare stove knob.  Now, this could actually be useful.

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If it fit the stove, that is.  Which it doesn’t.  Because the old stovetop, which this did fit, was replaced more than ten years ago!  The humans are part pack rat, I’m certain.

So now the right side of the Cabinet of Doom is tidy, with the scale, all the thermometer tools, and the bento box easy to find.

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On the left are the a Jello-mold that makes jigglers or ice cubes that look like the University’s logo, the cookie press, and the bag of cookie cutters, just in case Sigyn wants to make cut-out cookies.

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It’s a good afternoon’s work, and the best part about it was that I didn‘t lift a finger!!

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Uh, Oh. Sigyn’s on a Mission!

It is getting to bet the time of year again when all the markets seem to overflow with Eater Bunny-themed merchandise, and the Red Bullseye Market is no exception.

Some of it is quite bizarre.

pinkbunny1

Why???

This one has the same texture, but a very different shape.  A most corpulent coney indeed!

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Careful, Sigyn!  This one doesn’t look well.

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Best not pet it.  I don’t know if human-Aesir hybrids can get myxomatosis, but I’d rather not find out the hard way.

There seem to be rather a lot of pink lagomorphs about, which is odd, because I do not think any of them come in this shade in nature.

Sigyn says this fellow can do tricks.

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Really? What does he do?  Great Frigga’s Hairpins!  Rabbits should not be able to do this. Come away from the spastic bunny, my love, and stop trying to pet things.  I swear, you are going to get get space rabbit rabies or something before we even make it out of this part of the market.

This pink bunny has nothing to hide.  He is, in fact quite transparent.

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We’re not doing very well on the no-petting thing, though.

Sigyn says she thinks she has found where all the pink bunnies are coming from and would I like to go to a dance?

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Clever deduction, and NO.

Sigyn has suddenly been seized by the desire to see just how many pink rabbits there are in this market.  Would it be possible, she wonders, to decorate a whole room in pink bunnies?

Leaving the season displays for the home good section of the market, I’m seeing things which make me believe the answer to that question is “yes.”

A fairly innocuous figurine.

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There are sheets for snuggling down in…

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…a pillow that seems to be some sort of rabbit-yeti cross…

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…and this chair…thing.

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Which I am very glad to say is way up high on a top shelf because Sigyn would try to sit in it and get absolutely lost.  And I don’t care for its expression.

I don’t trust it.

I think I have had enough pink bunnies for one day…

>|: [

Making Some Pokey New Friends

The gaming weekend is winding down.  There really isn’t time to play another long game.

There is time, however, to have a quick sail around the table in these fetching his-and-hers Viking longboats.

viking boat

I do so love it when things come in green and red.

Sleipnir’s fetlocks!  What manner of beast is this which approaches?!

 

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Careful, my love!  It may be sporting a friendly face and a “Don’t-mind-me-I’m-just-cute” earnestness (along with a charming pigeon-toed posture), but how do we know it isn’t hostile?  I don’t trust it.

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Norns’ nighties!  There’s a whole parade of the creatures!

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Once again, Sigyn works her taming magic on a fearsome quadruped, turning ravening monster into mild-mannered personal taxi.

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It’s entirely predictable…

Come, my dearest.  It’s time were were packed and on the road.   Say goodbye to your new friend.

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That woman will hug anything and I love her.

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Great Frigga’s Corset! πόσο αυτοί οι άνθρωποι πρόκειται να φάνε ?!

Munch, chat, munch, chat, make kitchen mess, munch, clean up kitchen mess, chat.  The humans have been snacking all day.  They never got around to playing games, or inking up all the fountain pens, or watching a movie, or reading a book to the littles.  Nope, nope, nope.

Aha!  This is more like it!  After so much inactivity, they have energized themselves to go DO something!  What will it be?  A walk in the neighborhood?  Gaming with friends.  You’d think so, wouldn’t you?  But, no!

They are going out to eat.

There is a Greek Restaurant that the Knittery Friend’s family says is pretty good.  The human female, having once dated someone of an Attic persuasion, knows a thing or two about Greek cuisine, and I, being a god, have been invited to more than one banquet on Olympus, so let’s just say that judgment is being reserved…

Here’s the menu.

olive oil menu cover

I find the quotes worrisome…

There appears to be a selection of appetizers.

olive oil appetizers

Sigyn is not a fan of eating octopi (except the candy sort), because they are smart, so we may have to try something else.

Hmm.  What to choose, what to choose?  Pastitsio is nice, if done well.

olive oil menu inside

I am considering ordering the Spinach, Walnut, and Raspberry salad for the human female, just so I can see her swell up and wheeze.

There’s a separate menu of specials.

olilve oil pecan stuff looks good

I sincerely hope that “Half-baked Lemon Chicken” is a typo, or Salmonella, here we come.

The human male has ordered some fried calamari for the table.

olive oil calamari

Sigyn adores calamari.  I’ve convinced her that calamari is a type of squash so she won’t feel bad about enjoying it.  No one clue her in, all right?

Here is the human female’s chicken gyro.  She is deducting five points for the onions being raw, rather than grilled, as advertised.

olive oil chickn gyro

I am adding five points for the fun of watching the human female deconstruct her meal to pick them out.

The “rice casserole” side dish is simply rice and spinach with a little onion.  I’m not sure I trust it.

olive oil rice casserole

Fortunately, it tastes better than it looks.

The Knittery Friend has ordered the stuffed grape leaves.  Usually, these are dainty little morsels.

olive oil dolmades

Λένε ότι όλα είναι μεγαλύτερα στο Τέξας και δεν αστείο!

The human female has hoovered all of hers, but the Knittery Friend is going home with round, green leftovers.

Opa!

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The Only Thing Worse Than Costumes is a Party, Part II: I Think Hieronymus Bosch Was the Party Planner

I’m trapped in this Hel of a party and I can’t seem to convince Sigyn that it’s time to leave.  Surrounded by people I can barely tolerate, no food, and only Quill’s dumb mix tape for music.  Sigh.  At least Sigyn’s having fun.

hall-party12-heres darcy

S: “Hi!  I don’t think we’ve met.  I’m Sigyn.”

D:  “Hi, Sigyn! Great flower costume.  I’m Darcy.”

S:  “I don’t recognize your costume.  Who are you dressed as?”

D:  “Hahahahah.  I came as an unpaid lab intern.  Convincing, right?”

hall-party13-whats in the briefcase

S:  “Muffy, I can’t get over what a good Pepper Potts you make.  But what’s in the briefcase?”

M: “Oh, just what every high-powered female executive carries around.  You know.”

hall-party14-lobster

S:  “Hee hee hee!”

D:  “Hey, little pinchy dude, want to, like, go see if there’s some melted butter somewhere?”

…..

We seem to have been here forever.

hall-party15-chicken fighting

Still no refreshments, and the rabble have devolved into something called “chicken fighting.”  You can be sure I will ban this ludicrous practice when I take over the planet.

L: “Sigyn, can we pleeeeeeease go now?”

hall-party16-i made floam

Please examine this viscous pink substance I created in my lab.

L:  (poke, poke, poke)  “I don’t trust it.”
hall-party17-trying the flarp

H:  “Hey, guys!  You really need to try this!  It feels really neat between your toes!”

hall-party18-trying flarp

M: “It looks like a big, pink tongue, but it’s all cool and squishy…”

D:  “And it’s   s   t  r  e  t  c  h  y,   too!”

hall-party19-tony is the flarp safe

S:  “Help!  It’s got me!  Hee hee hee hee!”

M:  “Stark, this stuff had better come out of my wig…”

hall-party20-tony is here

IM: “Hey, folks!  I’m here!  The party can start now!”

CA:  “Stark!  If you’re here, then who is that there in the Dalek suit—?

hall-party21-then who is the dalek

EXTERMINATE!!

 

 

Fun With Unidentified Seasonal Fruit

The human male has come home from doing the marketing with a surprise for the female. And here it is. It’s a… It’s a…

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I have no idea what it is.

Sigyn, is that anything you recognize? It looks like an apple, a pear, and a lemon had too much to drink and this was the sad  result. It’s hard as a brick, too, isn’t it?

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Volstagg’s straining waiscoat buttons! Look at the arse on that thing!

I have a hard time believing that this is actually supposed to be edible. Surely this is a Joke Fruit. I don’t trust it. Nope, Not. At. All.

The human female says this is something that isn’t meant to be eaten raw.  She’s whacked it into pieces with extreme prejudice and no finesse, and now she’s got the pieces simmering with sugar in a saucepan.

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Careful, dearest!  Don’t fall in!

Hmmm. I detect a hint of dessertification happening here.  The human female has added apples, sugar, spices, and a little corn starch.

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Sigyn approves of sugar and spices.  If allowed, I believe she would wallow.

(later) The human female chucked the whole mess onto a crust in a pie plate. I “helped” her roll out the top crust. Oopsie. She cut out some pastry stars to cover up the giant tear.  It’s been baking for a while now, and it smells as if it might be done.

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Oh, yeah. Those stars are totally disguising your failure.

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It’s All Sorts of Untrustworthy Up In Here

Sigyn and I have accompanied the mortals on their weekly grocery run.  While they peruse the canned goods and debate the merits of one brand of toothpaste over another, my beloved and I are free to look around at the things that are not groceries.

Sigyn is quite charmed by these succulents in the home goods aisle. Succulents are all the rage these days.

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Yes, my love, they are quite pretty.  And colorful, too, yes.  And most assuredly easy to care for.  Oh, you think we should get some, as the Terror Twins might be less likely to gnaw on these than on the other houseplants?  I suspect you are correct.  Because they are plastic.

Speaking of felines…  There is a portly, overly-cheerful one and its equally smiley kin in the new little tea cafe near the front of the store.

kroger-cat

I rarely trust cats, and I can tell this crew is up to something.  No one smiles this much unless they are Up To Something.  I should know.

(Hey, Sigyn, how is a beckoning lucky cat statue like a flat, round, tasteless candy?  They’re both Neko-wavers!  Ba-dum tsss!)

The little cafe has some interesting wall art, too.  There are some flowers, and there is a pagoda and …

Sweet Glittering Bifrost!

kroger-thor

Can’t I go anywhere without running into depictions of my stupid, oafish “brother”?  Even when it doesn’t really have his big, dumb face, it’s still his big, dumb face.

My day is spoilt.  Let’s go home.

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