inauguration

That went well. (Not.)

Last time I looked, *I* was the God of Mischief. There is clearly some other inauspicious deity at work, however, because my efforts to stage a coup at the governor’s inauguration were thwarted at every turn.

The champagne gave Sigyn a terrible case of the giggles, which turned into hiccups, which were cute– for about five minutes.

Then the limo driver refused to let us out until he was paid. He should be grateful to be allowed to serve me!

Next, I found to my chagrin that the new governor had already been sworn in earlier in the day! The weasel! Nowhere did it say that on the invitation.

Finally, the Thor-brained oafs working security at the Inaugural Ball last night did not take kindly to my attempts to seize the microphone and announce my glorious plans for a Texas free from gubernatorial and legislative bumbling. Everyone heard that Abbot fellow issue the historic Texan challenge, "Come and take it!" Well, I tried! I was tossed out unceremoniously on my be-tuxed godly posterior.

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Sigyn, thankfully, was allowed to leave unmolested. Good thing for the party-goers, because if anyone had dared to harm so much as a hair of her perfect little head, I would have been forced to unleash a fury that would have leveled the capitol around their very ears.

No, I shall retreat strategically, rethinking my options and polishing my plans for control of this realm. Enjoy your cushy gubernatorial seat, Mr. Greg Abbott, but know that this is far from over.

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More About Earworms

In the interest of education, here is a very scientific representation of what it is like to have an earworm infestation.

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See, Citizens of Texas? You can be sure that when I am governor, your children will receive the finest education. Have no fear, Loki is here!

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A Musical Malady

I have contracted some sort of horrible Midgardian malady!! I have a truly inane mortal song stuck in my head, and nothing I do can jar it loose. Sigyn was singing it yesterday, and now the lyrics are looping endlessly–and I don’t know what half of them even mean:

I’m steppin’ out with my baby
Can’t go wrong ’cause I’m in right
It’s for sure, not for maybe
That I’m all dressed up tonight

Steppin’ out with my honey
Can’t be bad to feel so good
Never felt quite so sunny
And I keep on knockin’ wood

The human female has diagnosed the condition as an earworm. What in the Nine Realms?! Is it fatal?!

(Later) I am relieved to learn that “earworm” is merely a figure of speech and not an actual parasite. The human female has demanded that I stop humming and has threatened to infect me with the (supposedly even more insidious) Scalloped Potato Song if I do not cease. I told her I would try, if she would tell me who wrote the stupid thing and explain why someone would thwack lumber and why so many of the song’s words are missing a terminal “g.”

(Still later) I have banished the earworm by rehearsing to myself the speech of conquest I shall make to the assembly at tonight’s inauguration ball. Now that I am free of the stuck tune, I can contemplate its lyrics without going mad. They seem very appropriate for today. I do not know aught of this “Irving Berlin,” but he had the right of it. There’s nothing quite like putting on one’s finest and going out for a night on the town with one’s beloved!

Sigyn, you look lovely. I have obtained a bottle of the bubbly wine mortals use to celebrate special occasions. We can share it on the limo ride.

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Austin won’t know what hit it!

An interesting bit of paper

The humans are very dull and get a lot of boring mail. There’s no mail today (it’s some sort of holiday, I take it), but let’s see what came yesterday… Bill (which I will hide), bill (whose return envelope I will make vanish), three ads with coupons for products they don’t buy, financial paperwork (Ooo–I will have to examine that more closely later), and a fancy white envelope. In my experience, fancy white envelopes are often interesting.

Look, Sigyn! The humans have been invited to a ball celebrating the inauguration of the recently-elected state governor! However did they manage that? They didn’t contribute to his campaign, and they certainly don’t rub shoulders with anyone in politics. It must be a mistake.

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Sigyn, my sweet, how would you like to attend? This could be just the opportunity I’ve been waiting for! Perhaps this is a sign that I should forget about ruling Texas A&M and leap right to conquering the state. I’m sure I can arrange a…diversion that would result in yours truly taking the oath of office instead of the esteemed governor elect. Besides, I have the feeling I look smashing in a tux!

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