Sigyn, are you ready? Today we are going to Kew, one of the biggest and best botanical gardens in the world. If you can’t find something you like there, you aren’t trying. It’s a long Tube/aboveground train ride from Kensington, but it will be worth it!
Sigyn is beside herself. She doesn’t know what to look at first! Hence the giddy dangling.
Some flowers are good for Sigyn to wear.
But I think this one is trying to wear Sigyn.
She didn’t pick this camellia. She found it on the path, honest! (Would I lie?)
We are moving incredibly slowly. The human female has to read all the name tags, and Sigyn has to sniff everything. The human male is taking photo after photo.
Just when I think I have encountered the extremes of human folly, I am smacked anew between the eyes by their incomprehensible thought processes. Look at this ruined arch:
It was built that way. Humans have been known to think that crumbly things are more aesthetically interesting than intact architecture, hence the made-to-order derelict masonry. Except it was made on the cheap and not taken care of, so now it’s more crumbly than they wanted. Idiots.
Augh! Female squeeing! This part of the Garden is a bit like a wild wood and some meadows, and apparently it is the season for bluebells. The human female is actually skipping and … twirling. What a looney. Sigyn is smitten as well.
Violets. More squeeing.
(Later, after squeeing has stopped…) My beloved is not afraid of heights. Seems there a walkway that winds around through the tops of some very large trees, affording a “stupendous view,” and she wants to go. Do we HAVE to?
Apparently yes. Very well, I will accompany you, but you can’t make me look over the edge. I try to avoid situations that might entail falling off high things. Been there, done that. No, I do NOT wish to be eye-to-eye with the horse chestnut blossoms. Please, dearest, come away from that precipitous drop!
Not looking, not looking, not looking! I might go nudge the human female, though. Perchance I can make her drop her camera or her water bottle…
(later) Safe on the ground at last! By Idunn’s little apples, I did NOT like that walkway. Not that I’m afraid of heights, you understand. I just have little faith in Midgardian construction. It all felt a bit rickety to me. Let us move onto something less potentially perilous.
Sigyn, did you know there’s an art gallery in the gardens? The exhibit today features watercolors of strange and marvelous Amazonian plants. The humans, well aware that every purchased ounce is going to have to be hauled home, have nonetheless bought the book.
I am buying Sigyn a nice, big print. Or, rather, not buying but taking, but let’s not quibble over 80 p.
Lunch time! Kew has some very nice eateries. What have we today?
The humans are splitting a chicken pie and some salad. Sigyn has opted for the lemon poppyseed cake. Sigh. I love her dearly, but a Sigyn with a sugar rush let loose among flowers? I shall be very busy all afternoon keeping tabs on my buzzy little hummingbird.
(later.) Behold, Sigyn! A whole rock garden full of diminutive plants with lovely blossoms. Flit to your heart’s content!
I know she will tow me around, reading all the signs to me and expecting me to be just as enthusiastic. Yes, sweetie. That is a good shade of yellow.
Eventually, though, I will probably become bored. My brain is full. May I be excused?
Sigyn, I’m just going to rest here. You look around and then come tell me which ones are your favorites.
Sigyn has been gone a long time. I had better go in search of her… What have you found, my love?
Poofy and blue–I see them. Actually, it is what I do not see that is worrisome. The human female is nowhere in sight. Not that I miss her company, but I think she has forgotten us! She has wandered off! I…I’m not sure I know my way back to the Tube station… Norns’ nighties, this is not good. Don’t panic, Sigyn, I’ll think of something…
(somewhat later) Whew! The human male has found us. I am grateful to him, but be assured I am going to make the human female pay for her lapse…
We are running out of day. I shall permit one last stop in the Alpine House, and that is it. I must draw the line somewhere.
(later…) On the way back to the hotel, the humans have stopped at a very exclusive auction house.
What are we doing here? I think the mortals are pretending they could AFFORD something in tomorrow’s sale. As if. Still, this IS a very beautiful painting. Looks like it has been sold repeatedly. Oooo. Maybe it’s CURSED. Maybe I will buy it for the human female. It’s huge, though. Where would she put it?
(later.) We walked for miles and miles and MILES today. I am ready for a good dinner and not just some take-away sandwich. Yes, it is pricey to eat out in London, but may I remind you mortals that you ABANDONED US?! I’d say someone owes two other someones a very fine meal.
There is an Indian restaurant around the corner and up the next street from the hotel. This will do. The humans have ordered some flat things as a starter.
How are we meant to eat these? Oh, I see. Look, Sigyn! Sauces and toppings–
Beware the chunky orange one. It even *smells* hot. But not as lethal as what I want to order for the human female.
Careful, dearest! The waiter has just delivered a warming tray and it is HOT.
Arrgh. The human female has cancelled the naga chicken. She has requested chicken tikka isntead. How BORING.
Well, even I must admit that was a delicious meal, down to the little candy fennel seedy bits at the end.
I am somewhat mollified. However, NOTHING can excuse the human female’s behavior today, so from here on out, I shall ensure that each pair of shoes she brought hurts worse than the last. In a day or two, she should be three-quarters crippled!