lessons in villainy

Bon voyage! (A lesson in villainy)

In villainy, as in comedy, timing is everything. It’s crucial to know when a joke has been played out, when it’s time to move on to the next thing.

I have, therefore, waved my powerful hand and allowed the return tags for the apothecary bottles to finally arrive in the human female’s in-box.


Truth be told, I shall miss them a bit. I’ve had such fun with them. I am contenting myself by thinking of the enjoyment I will have messing with the refund process once they reach their destination–which is (get this!) a town only about 100 miles away. The human female could have driven them there herself some morning and been back in time for lunch.

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Lessons in Mischief: A word in the right ear

Villainy is a fine art. A delicate instrument, not a blunt object. Never shout when a whisper will do.

Case in point: Many of the human female’s teaching labs feature a small aquarium housing fish and a number of interesting/ potentially edible/ possibly toxic invertebrates.

This semester, one of the lab courses was moved to a new (ish) room in a different building, so the human and her staff moved the fish tank to the new room.

Now, I could have tinkered with the plumbing or the electricity for the pump and filter–or the life forms themselves–but no! Not when I could let forces already in play do my dirty work and wreak their own havoc. (Besides, we’ve already had a lot of plumbing pranks. I like to diversify.)

Let’s just say that somehow the Animal Use Committee heard about the simple move and drew itself up to its full regulatory height and deemed the move a Setup of a New Tank and demanded an inspection, requiring an overhaul of the workgroup’s entire live animal permit. No, the fact that this tank had been set up every year in the old room did not count. No, no animals could be placed in it until it had been inspected in its new room. No, a dry set-up is not good enough; the tank must be running, just uninhabited.

Which is why Sigyn and I find ourselves peering through a running but empty tank.


All is on hold until The Inspection.

<Later> Ehehehehehe! Just to mess with the human female a little bit more, I suggested to the Animal Use Committee that they did not, in fact, need to come back out for an inspection, thus negating at least six memos, four emails, and three phone calls. Verdict overthrown! Green light for fish! Confusion reigns.

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p.s.  The apothecary bottles are STILL HERE.