ma’am i’m gonna need you to step out of line for a pat-down

Loki Takes New York, Day 1: This Seems Ill-advised

The humans, after two years of ceaseless whining about not getting a “proper vacation,” have, with their usual lack of care and forethought, thrown together a trip at the last minute and have dragged Sigyn and me along.  Imbeciles!  Did it never occur to either of you that I might want a break just as much as you do–from YOU?

But no.  Here we are, cooling our heels in the airport in the slightly larger city to the West.

I am going to grab a double handful of these, fill them all out with different addresses, and affix three or four to each of their pieces of luggage.

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We’ll see which pieces actually make it to our destination.

Ehehehe.  I arranged for a TSA security check-in line that was at least an hour long, one with extra-surly guards.  Now all we have to do is wait for the flight.

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It’s nice that the airline keeps those with physical limitations in mind, but what I want to know is—Is there a “special needs” area for gods like me who wish not to sit with super-annoying and extra-ugly humans?  Because I really don’t.

Still no plane.  Where are we even headed?

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Well, that was nearly four hours of my life, smashed-in-too-close-to-sniffling-mortals, that I’ll never get back.  I amused myself by not granting the humans access to in-flight movies, which helped.  A little.

It appears that we have landed…

OH, NO! OH, NONONONONONONONO!!!

WE ARE IN NEW YORK!

To say that the last time visited this town things did not go well is a bit of an understatement.  I will find no welcome here!  Sigyn, let us teleport away instantly!

What?  You wish to stay and see the sights?  My love, are you sure?

Sigh.  Very well.  I can deny you nothing.

But I don’t have to like it.  And I WILL have my revenge!  Starting with the special hell that is the AirTrain from the airport to the head of the subway line.  In trying to save the price of cab ride, the humans got to hump their luggage up stairs, down stairs, on and off several escalators, down a moving walkway, in and out of a couple of elevators, and down about a quarter mile of various hallways.

(later)

We have now checked into the inn and are now taking in the sights of the large, Centrally-Located Park which is somewhat north of our lodgings.

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I will (grudgingly) admit that it is nice to have something of a skyline, although I have no good memories of a certain Tower on Park Avenue.

Sigyn likes the flowers in the park.  They are fine, but augh!  So many people!!

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The large carousel is closed at this hour, but my magic can give my beloved a ride on a smaller one.

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We are now quite ready for dinner.  I have heard that this is an expensive city.   Good!  Stupid humans, I hope this costs you plenty.  Sigyn, feel free to order anything you want.

We appear to be patronizing a foreign establishment.

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I can’t pronounce any of this stuff.  They could be ordering could be anything.

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Ah.  We have ended up with an assortment of small dumplings and buns.

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No, I don’t think you’re meant to eat the lettuce, sweetie.  But you can if you want.

It has been a long day.  I have begun to get a little of my own back.  Starting with the minuscule bathroom and the s l o w and tiny elevator and continuing with the vagaries of the subway system and the human female’s incipient foot blisters.

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And I may have left a surprise or two in the human female’s backpack…

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