make it stop staring at me

A New Yule Tradition–Day Four: Gastronomic Goodies

One of the best parts of being away from home for Yule is the distinct lack of the human female’s cooking.  Not that she can’t come up with usually-edible victuals, but by the crumbs in Volstagg’ beard, that woman cannot cook without making a horrific mess!  She never finishes meal preparation without the kitchen looking like Ragnarok has occurred. Not that I feel any particular guilt about skiving off without helping with the washing up, but I am weary unto death of manufacturing excuses not to.  Even I can run out of lies on occasion.

So, happy me and joyful Sigyn, we are sampling the very best this town has to offer by way of comestibles.

This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home.  This little piggy had roast beef…

3littlepiggies

And the other two piggies were similarly made out of marzipan and I nommed them while no one was looking.

By Odin’s monocular vision!  Come here, Sigyn and look at this mold for cooking eggs!

funny egg makers

How’d you like that staring at you of a morning?  The pup is cute, too, and you’d get to eat the bacon that didn’t end up in the ears.  The idea is very clever, but I wonder if the actual results would be as perfect?  Never mind, though.   With my magic, I can make your morning eggs into any shape you please.

Oooo!  I have discovered the hoard of a lifetime!

choccoins

These may be gold or they may be chocolate–either way, I win!

Look, Sigyn!  They made a drink just for me!

liquid rage

But I bet it’s false advertising.  I’ll wager my remaining uneaten chocolate gelt that it isn’t made with freshly-squeezed red pandas.

(later)

All of this wandering around and tasting and snacking on bits and pieces of things is making me cross and a little hangry for a real meal.

grumpychocolate

Yes, yes, Sigyn.  I see the chocolate “just for me.” Very funny.

Ah.  Sigyn has chosen where we shall have lunch today.

crepe hut

That looks like a splendid place to have lunch.  And it appears they have two free seats at the counter.  I could certainly wrap myself around a waffle or two, and a mug of hot cider would hit the spot perfectly.

And someone else will be doing the dishes.

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I Bet You Thought I Forgot! Part I: Perplexing Pottery

I bet some of you thought I forgot Sigyn’s birthday on the 12th.  Thor’s bitty ball-peen, people?  You’re dealing with one of the hugest, most formidable minds in the universe!  I most certainly did not forget.  I gave her a big bouquet  of birthday smooches, and today she is getting her present.

What did Sigyn want?  What she always wants!  We are visiting the ever-changing display of glass in one of the University’s museums.  I can take glass or leave it, but Sigyn loves it, and I love her, so here I am, looking at…

…what is it this time, dearest?  Majolica ware And that would be?  Oh, here’s a sign.  “Italian tin-glazed pottery dating from the Renaissance period.   It is decorated in colors on a white background.”  

Sigyn, it’s not glass.  But you still want to look?  By all means.

Hmm.  I think it started out in the Renaissance, but I think they must still be making it, because all of these pieces are much newer than that.  Some of them are pretty weird, though.

majolica2

Giant egg?  Dwarves?  Straaaange doings on Nidavellir.

Sigyn likes this bird plate.

birdplate

Great Frigga’s hairpins!  Apparently majolica-makers weren’t satisfied with putting birds ON the pottery, they had to make the pottery a bird!

parrotpitcher

I don’t think I’d want that psittacine pitcher psitting on the table and pstaring at me.  No, not even if it were full of Asgard’s finest mead, with little flakes of gold floating in it.

Apparently making majolica look like plants and animals is a “thing.”  Sure! Why not?  Let’s disguise all the crockery as vegetables.

veggiemajolica

I’ll admit, the pineapple jug is amusing, and Sigyn is quite taken with the cauliflower pitcher.

And I see that majolica is often self-referential.  Hence an asparagus dish that looks like…

asparagus dish

…asparagus.  Talk about a uni-tasker.  (Plus, I think that looks more like cigarettes than asparagus.)

Oh, wait, no–here’s the bizarrest piece in the display!  Behold!

fishpitcher

The FISH PITCHER!   Guaranteed, by the power of suggestion, to make everything that comes out of it taste a little like cod.  Mmm.  Cod milk. Cod lemonade.  Cod smoothies… Urrrr.  Bleargh.

I was hoping to take Sigyn out for lunch after this, but now I’m not sure I want anything… Ever.

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Leave it to Sigyn…

…to see the sunny side of things.  She wants me to point out all of the kitchenware that is cute or friendly as opposed to vicious.  Anything for you, my love, though you must admit that most of these are rather pointless.

There’s this thing, which is supposed to “make juicing citrus fruits a snap.”

juicer

If you say so, dearest.  Are you sure you don’t like it just because it is red?

There is a “cute” little long-handled wooden spoon that no one remembers buying.

spoon

And a tea-ball that no one ever uses.

teaball

I think I could re-purpose this hook and chain, though…

There is a little condiment dish shaped like an eggplant:

eggplant-bowl

And one more-or-less feline in form:

catdish

This other kitten is ostensibly a chopstick rest,

chopstickrest

But according to Sigyn, it just “wants pettings.”

Augh!  Great Frigga’s Corset Strings–What is that?

spaghetti-os-bowl

What sick mind thought this demented bowl was a good idea?   I think that is even scarier than the Pinky Guillotine!

I’m sorry, Sigyn.  I didn’t mean to shout–it just startled me.   I know you thought it was cute. (But I’m reasonably certain I shall be having nightmares…)

What?  Really?  Sigh.  Very well.  It is beyond schmoopy, but I shall make some cinnamon-sugar Love Toast to make it up to you.

love-toast

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