Monte Carlo

A Well-earned Vacation, Part III: The Turn of a Friendly Card (Not)

Well, that ended badly.  So craps is not my game.  Perhaps I will have better luck in a new casino, playing with cards.  This looks easy enough–try to draw cards that add up to twenty-one.  How hard can it be?

We seem to have a female dealer this time.  Same suit.  Less smarm.  She’s asked Sigyn to cut the deck.


Come on, Yelp.  It’s more fun if I’m not the only one playing.  I’ll stake you on this hand.

धन्यवाद। कि तपाईं को धेरै प्रकारको छ।


So far, so good.  What is it I’m supposed to say to acquire another card?  “Hit me”?


Yelp has 13, I have 18, and the dealer has 12.  I know that I should “hold,” but I believe I can subtly use my magic to influence the next card…


Augh!  Twenty three!  By Fenrir’s pointy eyeteeth, that was supposed to work!  There must be a magic-dampening field generator hidden in the walls somewhere.  Or else there’s a magic user on staff.  That is not fair!

I shall explain things to the dealer.  I am Loki.  I am a god.  I do not lose at trifling little card games, do you understand?


I think if you consult the rules again, you will find I am allowed to take your top card and subtract it from my hand, which means I have twenty-one and I win.

No, Sigyn, I will not calm d–   Oh, very well.  This is a stupid game and I no longer wish to play.  Let us depart.  Also, Benno is running away and someone needs to stop him before he gets into trouble



म दु: खी छु। मेरो मित्र छोटो-टेम्पर्ड मुर्ख ब्यक्ति छ। आफ्नो खराब बेहोरा लागि, लागि यो उज्ज्वल सिक्का स्वीकार गर्नुहोस्।

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A Well-earned Vacation, Part II: What a Vulgar Name

Here we are in another gaming establishment.  Different decorating scheme, same gussied-up, over-moneyed people.  Yelp has suggested I eschew roulette in this house and attempt a dice game, one with the unfortunate moniker “craps.”  “Craps”?  Really?  They couldn’t think of a better name?  You know, If I had a penny for every hour spent dicing with Thor and his cronies growing up, I probably could probably afford to enforce a world-wide change of name for this game.

I see there is another player in this game, a woman tarted up in something armor-like,  short, and revealing–I had to look twice to make sure it wasn’t Sif!


The dealer?  Same tux, same white gloves, same supercilious smile as in the other place.  The hair is different though.

Ugh!  The dealer is droning on and on, explaining the  complicated rules.  So I’m supposed to throw the dice to see what my “point” is?


I have thrown a seven.  I am a “natural,” hahaha!  (Craps pun.)

I think I am getting the hang of this.  I have won on several rolls now.  The snotty dealer is still acting as if my chips are not good enough for his house.  (Which is stupid because the chips belong to the house and…  Augh.  Never mind.)


Sir a roulé des yeux de serpent. Tsk, tsk! Quel dommage!

Uh, oh.  I’m trying to remember what this roll means, but the gleeful, smarmy sneer on the dealer’s face tells me that it is not an auspicious one. Now he’s reaching for my chips.  Here, let me wipe that smirk off for you.

(fling! whap!)


There is more than one way to make a point.

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A Well-earned Vacation, Part I: The Wheel of Fortune

The humans have been working very hard lately. That means it is time for a vacation!  Not for them, for Sigyn and me, so we aren’t cooped up with two tired, moaning mortals.  (The female seems to have given up sleeping, and the male has been doing the work of two people.  They are not fun to be around, believe me!)

Where shall we go my love?  I would like to take you someplace glamorous this time, someplace really unique.  And what could be more glamorous, more romantic, more glittering than the fabulous Mediterranean?  Monte Carlo, here we come!

No, Fisi, I am not including you!  Yelp and Benno are invited, but toothy, spotted carnivores are not welcome.


Or your moronic mynah chum.  (Besides, the pet entrance regulations are very strict.)


Our hotel room is very nice.  The bathtub is large enough that, if you so request, the concierge will send up a lifeguard.  (I do not need such.  One quick spell and I can breathe underwater.) The view out the windows is amazing.  Do you know, I had thought about just relaxing and walking on the beach, maybe taking in a few shows, but now that I am here, I find the lure of the casinos irresistible.

Thus, Sigyn and I find ourselves downstairs, marveling at the elegance.  The shine!  The glitter!  The sumptuous fabrics!  And that is just the clientele, never mind the decor!  Truly, we are rubbing shoulders with the world’s elite gamblers, all of them dressed to the nines.  Outside of Odin’s Hall of Treasures, I have never seen so much gold, so many diamonds all in one place.  Sigyn outshines them all, even in her simpler clothes.  Her smile is turning many a head.  As for myself, I am always the epitome of sartorial splendor.  (You might say I am dressed to the Norns…)  At first, I thought the other guests might find my horns a bit off-putting, but I suspect they think I am an escapee from one of the big shows, and I have scarce seen an eyebrow rise in my direction.

I have acquired some “chips.” What shall we essay first, my love?  This game with the colorful wheel and the table and the tiny metal ball looks amusing.


I take it one wagers upon the final resting place of the ball when the wheel stops revolving?  Very well, I shall put some of my chips on…um…22 black.  Yelp? Benno?  You prefer merely to watch?  Very well, but do not expect me to share my winnings with you.


Whirrrrrrr!  Hogun’s topknot–will you look at that!


Sigyn, you must be my good luck charm!  See, my pile of chips burgeons outrageously!


Voici vos gains, monsieur.

That croupier has the most insincere smile I have ever seen.  Let’s see how he likes it when I win again!


The other players are leaving in frustration!  Sigyn, shall I change my bet or “let it ride”?


Vous avez cassé la banque. Je vous invite à partir, monsieur.

I see.  It would seem that we are no longer wanted in this establishment.  Come, friends, let us take our custom elsewhere.

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