Lest you think I’ve become soft, or deviated from my plan to rule Midgard–and drive the human female mad in the process– be assured that I’ve been keeping up with mischief at the human female’s workplace.
Take today, for example. A very large box has just been delivered delivered to her office. She can’t open it right now, though, because she is being called to the front office in the other building to collect a second package, also addressed to her. She has been instructed to bring a camera for documentation, since the parcel is a bit dented and its contents might be damaged.
Owie. If that is a “bit” dented, then I am a “smidgin” ambitious! What, pray tell, lies within the crumpled corrugate? A finely-crafted, precisely balanced weighing scale. Let the cringing commence! It is with no little trepidation that she is carefully slitting the packing tape with her trusty letter opener. I have had to cast a spell of silence upon myself, because I was the one who coached the packers in the merchant’s shipping room. Try as I might, I cannot not suppress a fit of giggles, since I know what awaits her within.
Nothing has been removed. Behold my attention to detail!
- There is no packing slip or invoice. The accountant is going to love this.
- The box inside the shipping carton is actually taller than the shipping carton, which was bent around it to fit.
- There is no padding under the inner box.
- There is no padding over the inner box.
- Three sides of the inner box are unpadded, and
- The final side of the box boasts one lonely, flaccid strip of air pillows.
Ehehehehehe! Well, done, O most puissant South American River! I do not envy the customer service rep who will bear the brunt of the human female’s angry tirade or impassioned, adjective-ridden screed. Should the instrument indeed be damaged, heads will roll.
But, you ask, what about the first and larger box? What does it contain? (Shhhh! This was my idea, too.)
Vast, enoooormous shipping carton. Itty bitty merchandise. Swathes and swathes of bubble wrap over, under, and around the inner box.
The human female has thrown up her hands in defeat. I have pointed out to her that, on average, today’s shipments have been perfectly packed. That’s right–statistically speaking, these packing jobs are spot on.