The students, though they can scent the Thanksgiving holiday and five days of FREEDOM like thirsty camels can smell a teaspoon of water in the vastness of the Gobi, are still required to sit through two hours and fifty minutes of lab each week. They must perform experiments, take data, and formulate hypotheses, all the while dreaming of turkey, pie, football, parades, second helpings of pie, and an utter lack of quizzes. The food coma can’t come quickly enough.
Oh, the torture!
This week they are studying cardiopulmonary function. They will learn about fish hearts, frog hearts, lizard hearts, and mammal hearts, and wrongly assume that their own represent the very best design. Truly? Their puny mortal hearts will beat a mere 2.5 million times and then, pfft! give out with a sigh like a match being snuffed. Pitiful.
How do they not despair, with lives so short and pointless? I shall demonstrate to them what truly superior circulation looks like. My mighty atria and ventricles cannot fail to impress them, nor the surging power of my heartbeat, certain to short out their feeble EKG equipment. Look upon me, Midgardians, and see the finest evolution has to offer!
But I may need some help with the BP cuff…