one size fits none

Ehehehehehehe! Mischief That Covers a Multitude of Sins

The Department that the humans work in has given every employee a handy cloth mask, proudly labeled with the Department’s name.  Very chic.  I helped pick them out!

The human female has just tried hers on.  It is miles too big and hangs under her chin.  Great Frigga’s corset!  I though it was supposed to make it so I couldn’t see your face!

Taking up the elastic doesn’t help.

She’s checking the tag.  Oh.  Size L-XL.  That would explain that.  She may have an ever-burgeoning butt, but she has a pea-sized head.

She has given it to the human male.  It’s the same size as the one he received, and both are far too small for his face.  It looks like a nose-warmer stuck on there.

Surely someone in the Department has an appropriately-sized head?

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Keeping My Hand In–A Game of Boxes

Lest you think I’ve become soft, or deviated from my plan to rule Midgard–and drive the human female mad in the process– be assured that I’ve been keeping up with mischief at the human female’s workplace.

Take today, for example. A very large box has just been delivered delivered to her office. She can’t open it right now, though, because she is being called to the front office in the other building to collect a second package, also addressed to her. She has been instructed to bring a camera for documentation, since the parcel is a bit dented and its contents might be damaged.

smashedbox1.jpg

Owie. If that is a “bit” dented, then I am a “smidgin” ambitious! What, pray tell, lies within the crumpled corrugate? A finely-crafted, precisely balanced weighing scale. Let the cringing commence! It is with no little trepidation that she is carefully slitting the packing tape with her trusty letter opener. I have had to cast a spell of silence upon myself, because I was the one who coached the packers in the merchant’s shipping room. Try as I might, I cannot not suppress a fit of giggles, since I know what awaits her within.

TA DA!

smashedbox2.jpg

Nothing has been removed. Behold my attention to detail!

  • There is no packing slip or invoice. The accountant is going to love this.
  • The box inside the shipping carton is actually taller than the shipping carton, which was bent around it to fit.
  • There is no padding under the inner box.
  • There is no padding over the inner box.
  • Three sides of the inner box are unpadded, and
  • The final side of the box boasts one lonely, flaccid strip of air pillows.

Ehehehehehe! Well, done, O most puissant South American River! I do not envy the customer service rep who will bear the brunt of the human female’s angry tirade or impassioned, adjective-ridden screed. Should the instrument indeed be damaged, heads will roll.

But, you ask, what about the first and larger box? What does it contain? (Shhhh! This was my idea, too.)

smashedbox3.jpg

Vast, enoooormous shipping carton. Itty bitty merchandise. Swathes and swathes of bubble wrap over, under, and around the inner box.

The human female has thrown up her hands in defeat. I have pointed out to her that, on average, today’s shipments have been perfectly packed. That’s right–statistically speaking, these packing jobs are spot on.

Ehehehehehe!

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