paper nom nom nom

Hobby Hijinks, Part III: Mischief That’s Off the Charts

Another of the human female’s hobbies is needlework.  She didn’t do much last year and was hoping to do a lot this year, but then the THUMB happened, and everything’s on hold.  Still she’s been very busy, charting a design she wants to cross stitch.  This is the design–a rug from Portugal.


So she’s been carefully studying closeup photos of the thing, painstakingly transcribing it onto graph paper.


She has to label each page with its adjacent pages and make little red registration marks for lining them up. It’s going to take over 100 colors of floss–and how many pages of chart so far, Sigyn?


Seventy-one?  She’ll die of old age before she finishes it.

Especially since I’ve convinced the Terror Twins that graph paper is a tasty feline treat!


She is putting all the graph paper charting into a computer program—which I’ve finagled so that it only runs on her old computer, the one with imminent hinge-failure.   Since the program allows only 100 colors in any one design, she’s had to split the fool thing into five files which will need to be jigsawed back together after printout.  If anything happens to those computer files and their backups, it’s a couple years’ work–poof! down the drain.  She’s very near finishing.  It would be terrible if anything happened to it…

Lenny!  Fancy meeting you here!  I innocently had no idea you’d be coming by today.  But as long as you’re in the neighborhood, I have a little job for you…


(rub, rub, rub…)


I knew I liked this guy!

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A-swim in Paper

Sort and chuck as they will, the humans’ abode is generally awash in paper.  Bills, receipts, magazines, books, playbills, notes, wrappers.  You name it, it piles up around here, on any available flat surface, recycle how they may.

Truly, I fear that someday one of the towering piles will topple over and bury my beloved Sigyn.

Still, the various cellulosic bits afford ample opportunity for small bits of mischief.  Nothing major, just small nuisances to keep the mortals muddled.

For example, I think it’s funny to make the mail arrive looking as if the postman’s been noshing.


And the other day, I saw to it that the print registration on the grocery circular was off.


By Odin’s Crummy Depth Perception!  At first, I planned to convince them that it was in 3D and that they needed special glasses.  In the end, I pretended that it was perfectly clear and asked innocently when was the last time they had their eyesight checked.

Sometimes, though, one or another of the papery bits doesn’t make sense.  This tag is from one of the human female’s recent extravagant purchases, a simple colored T-shirt.


Is that the size?  Pet small?  Great Frigga’s corset!  I knew she was cheap, but I had no idea she was shopping at the pet store.

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