poke poke poke

Pity Cake

It’s the human female’s birthday.  Would you like to hear something truly pathetic?

She had to make her own cake.

Truly!  Even in Jotunheim, whose denizens are, in fact, barbarian savages, someone having a birthday is not expected to provide their own dried, salt fish for the festivities.

But such is life when you have no local friends who bake.  (Or friends at all.)

She’s brought the confection into work today.  I believe there was some munching, but there’s a significant portion left.

amaretto-cake1

Let’s unwrap it and see if it’s any good.

amaretto-cake2

Upon closer inspection, it appears to be a bundt cake with some sort of reddish goo inside.

amaretto-cake3

(Poke, poke, poke)

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I don’t trust it.

In the end, there’s only one way to fairly assess her culinary skills.

Munch, munch, mrrf.

amaretto-cake5

Amaretto cake with raspberry jam!

If she did have friends, they’d be missing out!

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A Brief Winter Walk

It’s been foggy a lot in this part of Midgard lately. The humans have ventured out on a rare sunny day to see what’s going on in the local woods.

By Idunn’s little apples!  There is a ubiquitous abundance of holly berries this year!

hollydangle

¡ǝlƃuɐp pooƃ ɐ ɹoɟ ʇods ʇɔǝɟɹǝd puɐ ʎɐp ʇɔǝɟɹǝd ɐ s,ʇᴉ ʇɐɥʇ sʞuᴉɥʇ uʎƃᴉS

It’s not just hollies that can be dangled in.

heterothecadangle

Camphorweed does just as well.  Sigyn is beyond excited–we’ve been here scarcely a quarter of an hour and she’s had the chance to dangle in plants with both her favorite colors!

(poke, poke, poke.)  Not all plants are large enough to climb in, though.  This one is growing right in the middle of the trail, and it’s very, very teeny.

tinyplant

Sigyn has fallen in love with it.   Don’t hug it, Sweetie.  The human female says it can have spiny fruit.

Oooo!   We have found A Mysterious Hole in this creek bank!

a hole

I wouldn’t go in, if I were you…  But, human female–you feel free to stick a finger in and tell us if there’s a snake or sharp-toothed rodent or something in there, all right?

We’ve been walking and poking at things for a while now.  Time for a rest.

mysleepnumberis moss

My sleep number is “moss.”

Clever Sigyn has found a different moss.

moremoss

Sigyn doesn’t know if this one’s a moss or a liverwort.

liverwort

All this green stuff looks alike to me.  Possibly one of the human female’s plant-nerd friends could sort them out, but I really don’t care.

We’re headed to the Sedge Meadow.  I like the Sedge Meadow.  It’s all green and dapply.

pathview

Sweet Glittering Bifrost!  What’s this?

trail closed

I had heard the City was Doing Something, but I wasn’t sure what…

But, since I’m a god, barricades and notices don’t apply to me.  Come along, Sigyn.  Leave the puny mortals here obeying all the signs like good little sheep and let’s you and I keep going.

Have fun staring at the signage!  We’re going to go pet sedges.

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Poke, Poke, Poke

Uh, oh.  The human female is cooking again.  Chicken stew this time, I think.  I’ll let her continue, because the result is usually edible.  Chicken, shallots, carrots, peas, herbs, and chicken broth.

Hmm.  What’s the missing ingredient?  Mischief!  Now, what can I do that won’t jeopardize the final result?

Got it!  You know how there is always more broth in the container than the recipe calls for?  The human female, being “thrifty”, always wants to freeze the leftovers for a later date.  Labeled baggie and everything.

Poke, poke, poke.

leaky broth

Dribble, dribble, dribble…

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Dental Hygiene Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

The human female doesn’t have a “beauty routine”—and believe me, it shows—but she’s usually pretty good in the cleanliness department.  I mean, she doesn’t reek or anything.  (Unless she’s been doing yardwork, in which case all bets are off.)  She washes her face and combs her hair and prefers clean clothes to dirty ones.  If there’s one thing she excels at, though, it’s tooth-brushing.  I understand that she spent a lot of ugly duckling years undergoing orthodontic rearrangement, so she’s sporting an expensive set of (sadly still misaligned) chompers that she wants to take care of.

She was brushing said teeth this morning when she felt a bit of breakfast get stuck between her two front teeth on the bottom.   Like the dutiful drone that she is, she then reached for the floss, and when she flossed, she felt something fall out over her lip and into the sink.  She’s curious by nature, so she looked in the mirror to see if she’d removed the offending particle. What she saw made her search for the offending particle in the sink in disbelief  She scooped it up, and here it is.

tooth1

(poke, poke, poke)  Is that what I think it is?!  No!  Ewww, Sigyn, look but don’t touch.  I’m magically protected against her cooties but we can’t take the chance that you’re not immune.

What I have in my hand is…

tooth2

one corner of her lower left central incisor.  It just— “poof”— cracked and fell off.  She keeps poking at the broken edge with her tongue, and apparently there’s a REALLY sharp and pointy point left there, because not only does the tooth hurt, but she’s sliced up her tongue a little too.

Now, we all know that “Schadenfreude” is my middle name, but even I draw the line at tooth owies.  They’re just no fun.

There’s a part of me, though, that is beyond tickled that she now has a dentist appointment, the annual smash-the-frontal-lady-bits, and jury duty all in the same month!  If I can get her to lose her keys or suffer a flat tire, I’ll have a bingo.

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This is More Like It! Sort Of.

Great Frigga’s corset, that was close!  If we had stayed in that religious articles shop any longer, I might have had to start smiting things–or people.  It is a great relief that we are gone now and headed off on other errands.

Uh, oh.  The human female has squealingly spotted something and the human male has turned the car around.  If he’s willing to do that in traffic, it must be something good!

Really?  That’s really what this place is called?

asgardgames-sign

This has definite potential!  I wonder if I will get a mention, or if it will be all, “Odin, this” and “Thor, that.” I could definitely do without that.

What the….?

asgardgames-anubis

Or, you know, since Midgard is a silly place and this part of it in particular, I guess it’s going to be, “Anubis, that other thing over there.”

Sigyn, get out of his fist, my love.  You don’t know where those paws have been.

I wonder if the inside is as polytheistic as the outside?

Bleargh.  So far, disappointing.

asgardgames-odin

Isn’t there a Loki-themed game here somewhere?  Or is it all going to be Odin or that puppy-headed fellow?

Sigyn has found a quiet little shrine that—-

asgardgames-cthullhu

Uh…Dearest?  Don’t be alarmed and don’t turn around.  Just walk away from the temple slowly.   Slowly…   Come over here by me.  There’s a good girl.

Whew!  Another close one!  Let’s bide here a bit.  This corner of the shop seems safer.  Nothing here but foldy paper cranes.

asgardgames-origami

But kitty-cat folding paper?  Poke, poke, poke.  I don’t trust it.

Oh, now this is interesting. There are several large tables with different “terrain” so that people can  play war games with miniature figures.

asgardgames-playing field

Ehehehehehe!  Look, Sigyn!  It is I, Loki!  Lord of Jotunheim, ruler of a kingdom of ice and snow!  And you, my sunny beloved, are queen of the greensward.  Can I tempt you to cross the line and join me in making some snow angels?

Here is a table being used for a game.  These pillars make good vantage points from which to direct strategy.

asgardgames-directing battle

Bring up the war engines! Circle the cross-bowmen around to the right!  Protect the left flank!  Onward, dogs of war! Let no man turn from glory!  Let—

What’s that?  We’re going to the pen shop now?  How on earth is that more important–or more fun!—than wiping out a whole battalion of marauders?

Pah.  You mortals are so boring.  My rule over you dullards can’t come a moment too soon.

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More Adventures in the Room of Skulls

I was able to rescue Sigyn from the clutches of that murderous deer.  Horrible creatures, deer, really.  I prefer to think of them as merely the larval stage of roast venison.

There are more skulls here, and they are drawing a lot of attention.  The human female and her minions are showing them off to anyone who wanders by.

Sigyn is investigating the pronounced sagittal crest on this opossum.

skulls7

The human female says that is where all the jaw muscles are attached.  It certainly looks capable of eating anything it finds.  Opossums are strange creatures–tails like rats, huge rafs of babies which they tote about in pouches or on their backs, fur that always looks like they’ve been washed in the washer on the wrong cycle, and a predilection for rummaging about in compost heaps.

I am more impressed by the dentition of this male vervet monkey.

skulls3

This fellow looks quite up to the task of perforating anyone who tried to put him in a funny outfit or make him do silly tricks.  And the overall effect is of a toothy little human.

Great Frigga’s hairpins!  Look who has turned up!  Marty, that goggle-eyed menace, has dropped by to ogle the chicken skull.

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I don’t want to think about what Marty’s skull might look like.  Not much room for a brain, that’s for certain.

Oh, and here is Fisi, trying to sneak in a nibble on the oppossum.

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Shoo!  Bad hyena!  No biscuit!

Sweet Tony Stark on the half shell!  What sort of alien mutant nightmare beast does this one come from?!

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Don’t get too close, Sigyn.  I don’t trust this thing at all.

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poke, poke, poke.

No sirree. I do not trust this thing at all, at all.  Nor can I figure out its modus operandi.  No proper teeth to speak of, but what about these long pincer-like things up front?  What IS it?  Where does it live?  What does it eat?  What does the rest of it look like??

Oh, I am going to have bad dreams and flashbacks about this one, I can tell you.

(Reads label.)  Huh.  I never, ever would have guessed.  Log your guesses in the comments, folks, and we’ll see if anyone comes close.

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みんなでランチをしましょう, Part I: Acquiring Comestibles

The humans have had to run to the Big City to the West for some churchy event or other.  Sigyn was excited, whatever it was.  I didn’t want to know–I’ve just tagged along to see that Sigyn comes to no harm.  At any rate, the humans dragged a few friends along, the churchy event is over, and one of the friends has produced yet another friend, and  now suddenly I find myself in a very odd restaurant, squeezed into a booth with three people I don’t know and two people I only tolerate, contemplating some very peculiar lunch options.

The whole place is very highly mechanized.  A conveyor belt of sorts snakes all around the establishment, laden with small plates of tidbits, mostly of the raw fish variety.

japanese restaurant1

A plate with a placard announces each new set of arrivals.  One simply reaches out and takes whatever plate one wishes as it trundles by.  The computer by each table registers what has been selected.  Very clever, these Midgardians!

No, Sigyn, you may not ride the belt just to see where it goes.

The human female has selected some round, seedy…things.

japanese restaurant2

There were three in the bowl, but the human female has already inhaled one of them.  That leaves two, Sigyn, one for each of us. (poke, poke, poke) Now I remember!  They’re filled with sweet and beany goo, and we like them!

It’s not the warmest day outside, so we have ordered some hot ramen soup from the table’s computer menu.  It arrived on a separate little swift conveyor and stopped neatly at the table.  No soup on the main conveyor, because someone else might take it.  Would people really do that?   Take someone else’s food?  Well, I would, but that’s how I work.

japanese restaurant5

Chicken, egg, onion, noodles, broth.  If it is true what they say, that fat= flavor, it is probably going to be delicious!

We still have room for….Dumplings!

japanese restaurant3

Dumplings are always a good idea.   This sushi “donut”, on the other hand…

japanese restaurant4

…can call itself dessert all it likes.  It’s still raw fish.  I think some of it is salmon, which means I should definitely see that the human female has some.  I want to see that funny, itchy rash it gives her that I’ve heard so much about.

Come on, just one little bite?

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