poke poke poke

Breakfast–It’s the Most Important Mischief of the Day

It’s no secret that I adore starting the human female’s morning with a little mischiefy magic. There’s nothing like ruining breakfast to start her day off properly. One time I mangled her morning meal for a whole week running. Today I feel minded to tamper once again.

I believe I will start with cereal roulette. Go ahead, woman. Your boring grainy bits still have a little bit of crunch left in them. I know! You could jazz them up with some raisins. You like raisins. You even have a nice new box. What’s wrong? Something off with the raisins? I mean just because they smell all winey and fermenty is no reason to make a face that’s more unpleasant than your usual one. That’s all right. There are a few not-too-wizened blueberries left. What now? Look, if you’re going to be picky, you’ll just have to eat the cereal plain.

Now, how is the milk? Looks all right, doesn’t it, but how does it smell? Questionable? Maybe that’s just the bottle cap? They get like that sometimes, you know, even when the milk’s still good. What does the expiration date say? August of 2021? Huh. Suppose that’s accurate (in which case, what did they DO to the milk to make it last that long?), or is that a typo? I think you’re just going to have to taste it.

TFTD: Spitting noises are inherently funny

It’s not too hot out yet this year that you couldn’t make some instant oatmeal. Very convenient, just plug in the electric kettle, and three and a half minutes later you’re enjoying a nice, warm bowl of…

Smiling Spackle!

Ehehehe! Looks like cereal, hot or cold, is officially off the menu. How about a couple of slices of nice toast?

Sleipnirs fetlocks! Maybe not that slice. Oh, quit whining! There are probably some ones near the other end of the loaf that are perfectly fine.

Or not.

Tsk, tsk. You’re running a little late now to start making eggs. Say, didn’t the human male buy some strawberries on his last trip to the market? Fresh fruit is always a good way to begin the day. Look at them–bright red and succulent and…

(poke, poke, poke) Frozen solid. Oops! My bad. Apparently, setting the cooling box on “Pleistocene” was not the way to go. I was only trying to make sure the ice cream in the freezer compartment stays solid and unmelty.

Great Frigga’s hairpins! Look at the time! I’m afraid you’ll just have to grab a carton of yogurt and eat it on the run. and see?! Calorie reduction plus exercise! Your pants will fit better in no time if I keep this up.

You can thank me later.

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Aftermath of Escape to the Big City to the West–What Followed Us Home

Let us take a look at some of the comestible goods which followed us home from the Big City to the West. In addition to the Large Market, we also visited an Asian grocery store and a couple of stores selling Japanese goods, so a bit of the resulting haul is a bit “theme-y”.

The human male is a fan of All Things Ginger and has a special fondness for ginger beer. He found two sorts he hadn’t tried, and I urged him to purchase them.

He has pronounced the lemon-lime one “horrible” (Ehehehehe! I could have told him that) and the other “okay, but not as good as my favorite one.”

What were those spices they brought home again?

Oh, now I remember. The Ras El Hanout is to replace the jar of Ras El Hanout they bought but didn’t like, which was to replace the empty jar of the Ras El Hanout that they liked a lot, but which I have made certain is no longer being manufactured.

The other jar holds Carolina Reaper pepper powder. I foresee some quality mischief of a capsacious nature in my future.

The human female is, I see, still incapable of leaving the Large Market without a quantity of gummy octopi septopi.

The way she plows through those things, they are sure end up on the CITES list before the year is out. If conservationists managed to breed them and increase their numbers during the period in which she was confined to town by the pandemic, they are about to lose what little progress was made.

This little bun-oid object game from the Asian grocrey.

It is certainly wrapped up in a fancy manner. (poke, poke, poke) What do you suppose is inside, Sigyn?

There is a filling of some sort. Any ideas?

It looks like a fossilized egg yolk, but the human female says it is lotus seed paste. Sigyn is keen to taste it.

That good, eh? (nibble nibble) It’s all right, but I think I prefer sweet red beany goo as a filling.

Great Frigga’s Hairpins! What is this…thing? I didn’t see her slip this in the basket! And she’s planning to eat it for breakfast?!

It’s… It’s staring at us.

The label on the back says, “Anpanman.” Human female, look that up and see if this is even safe to eat.

Ah. Apparently “anpan” refers to a bun filled with sweet beany goo, and there is a comic character whose head is one.

Wait. Sweet beany goo? Dare I hope?

!!!! Anpanman, I think I love you.

>|: 9

Must Be Something in the Water

Most of us here in this house are a big fan of fresh blueberries. Sigyn and the human female are an even bigger fan of big blueberries.

Which is why they were overjoyed when the male brought home these monsters from a recent visit to the market.

(poke, poke, poke) This is either a new cultivar or the grower is feeding them something… untoward.

The larger ones are fully an inch across…

…and about a third of a Sigyn tall.

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Loki, the All-Knowing, Part IV

We have not yet plumbed the depths of my knowledge, so we are returning to the list of things I know.

I know why everything you own needs mending.

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Mine! All For Me!

The human female is hanging out with her do-gooder friends again. This time, they’ve collected a quantity of Yule gifts for the less fortunate of the community.

They are all sorted out by the families they are going to.

Everything is so well organized! The presents come in with the family number and a note as to what the gift is. As the parcels are sorted into family bags, the temporary tags are replaced with the recipients’ names. There’s a spreadsheet and a schedule of pickups and everything. It would be a shame if someone, oh, say, switched all the tags around…

Sigyn likes looking at all the festive gift bags and wrapping paper.

“Look, Loki! Red and white boingy ribbon!”

She’s particularly smitten with this unusual yellow llama paper.

Can’t say I’m as enthusiastic about this superhero wrap. I know this spidery fellow hangs out with Captain America and my stoopid brother Thor and all that crew. Bah, humbug.

(poke, poke, poke) I think some of the gifts must me motion-activated tots’ toys, because as we shift things about to look, some of the packages are talking to us. They’re paper-muffled so we can’t understand what they’re saying, and the effect is rather eerie.

What do you think is in this snowman one, Sigyn? It’s a bit squishy, so it might be clothes.

This is all such a gargantuan effort, and the best part is I didn’t have to help. I do plan to sneak back in tonight and help myself, though. I plan to leave all the clothes, but I am pretty sure there are books, games, blocks, stuffed animals, and some girly things Sigyn would like.

I can sense the general outrage from here. Listen–I have to put up with the human female all the time. Surely, if anyone is less fortunate, it is I.

>|: [

We Found Treasure on a Walk!

The weather has definitely improved. It is still warmer than optimum for a Frost Giant, but we are no longer flirting with triple digits, and the mornings are cool enough that our daily perambulations are no longer a penance.

The shift in the seasons can bring new things into prominence in the local flora. I wonder what we’ll find today?

We are down at one edge of the neighborhood. Not much interesting so far. This is–

Wait.

What tree is that?

It looks as if it is growing a whole crop of burnt orange superballs!

Ah. The human female says that this is one of the locally-native persimmon trees. We have run into this plant in the woods before. There are quite a few in the neighborhood, but I don’t recall any with fruit. I think I would have notice something like this before, don’t you, Sigyn?

Sigyn, stop! No, it’s not that I care whether you steal fruit from other people’s trees. Pfft. As far as I’m concerned, you could take all you want. No, it’s that while the fruits on the tree may look ripe and delicious, remember what the human female said—they’re not edible until after a frost or unless they’ve ripened enough to fall from the tree on their own. Otherwise, they’re very astringent and eating one is like trying to eat dry felt.

The ground under these two trees is littered with windfalls just lying there unappreciated. Is the human female going to…? She is! She is! She has gathered up a double handful. Ehehehehe! I always suspected she had a little larceny in her!

Poke, poke, poke. They’re so…soft… and squishy.

Like barely-contained pudding… What do they look like inside?

Orange, all the way through, and gooey. Sigyn’s going to taste one.

(nom nom nom) She says they taste like, “a combination of apricot, pumpkin, and mango.” In other words, they taste orange. (nibble, nibble…) They’re very sweet–much like dates in that regard. Not bad. Not bad at all. No wonder all the wildlife love them!

There are five big, flat seeds in each fruit. The human female, having long desired a tree or two in her yard, purposes, after eating the fruits, to wash the seeds and plant them.

Here’s where I come in. Persimmon trees are either male or female and, of course, only the females bear fruit. In the wild, male trees significantly outnumber the females. What do you suppose her chances are, if all of these seeds come up, that one of the trees will be female?

Let me rephrase that. If I am involved, what do you suppose her chances are of getting a female tree?

Or will she continue to being reduced to stealing the neighbors’ fruit?

>|: [

More Fun With Summer Fruit

Every year about this time, the wild, high-climbing grape vine in the backyard makes a lot of big, black grapes that the lazy local wildlife can’t be bothered to eat.

I can’t say that I blame them.  It is far too hot and humid to want to climb trees in search of grapes that, while they have a sweet pulp, have some of the thickest,  most astringent peel known in all of grapedom.

The result is that most of this viniferous abundance just drops off the vines and collects on the pavement.  The car, on the rare occasions we drive anywhere, just makes what I call “driveway jam.”

drivewayjam1

Poke, poke, poke.  Even if I can reach them now, I don’t really want to eat them, but there has to be something useful to do with them.

If the human female had a package of black table grapes in the cooling box, I’d sneak some of these wild ones in among them, just to watch her face.

Hmm.  Maybe I can make her a puckery little surprise and leave it in the freezer…

drivewayjam2

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Pity Cake

It’s the human female’s birthday.  Would you like to hear something truly pathetic?

She had to make her own cake.

Truly!  Even in Jotunheim, whose denizens are, in fact, barbarian savages, someone having a birthday is not expected to provide their own dried, salt fish for the festivities.

But such is life when you have no local friends who bake.  (Or friends at all.)

She’s brought the confection into work today.  I believe there was some munching, but there’s a significant portion left.

amaretto-cake1

Let’s unwrap it and see if it’s any good.

amaretto-cake2

Upon closer inspection, it appears to be a bundt cake with some sort of reddish goo inside.

amaretto-cake3

(Poke, poke, poke)

amaretto-cake4

I don’t trust it.

In the end, there’s only one way to fairly assess her culinary skills.

Munch, munch, mrrf.

amaretto-cake5

Amaretto cake with raspberry jam!

If she did have friends, they’d be missing out!

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A Brief Winter Walk

It’s been foggy a lot in this part of Midgard lately. The humans have ventured out on a rare sunny day to see what’s going on in the local woods.

By Idunn’s little apples!  There is a ubiquitous abundance of holly berries this year!

hollydangle

¡ǝlƃuɐp pooƃ ɐ ɹoɟ ʇods ʇɔǝɟɹǝd puɐ ʎɐp ʇɔǝɟɹǝd ɐ s,ʇᴉ ʇɐɥʇ sʞuᴉɥʇ uʎƃᴉS

It’s not just hollies that can be dangled in.

heterothecadangle

Camphorweed does just as well.  Sigyn is beyond excited–we’ve been here scarcely a quarter of an hour and she’s had the chance to dangle in plants with both her favorite colors!

(poke, poke, poke.)  Not all plants are large enough to climb in, though.  This one is growing right in the middle of the trail, and it’s very, very teeny.

tinyplant

Sigyn has fallen in love with it.   Don’t hug it, Sweetie.  The human female says it can have spiny fruit.

Oooo!   We have found A Mysterious Hole in this creek bank!

a hole

I wouldn’t go in, if I were you…  But, human female–you feel free to stick a finger in and tell us if there’s a snake or sharp-toothed rodent or something in there, all right?

We’ve been walking and poking at things for a while now.  Time for a rest.

mysleepnumberis moss

My sleep number is “moss.”

Clever Sigyn has found a different moss.

moremoss

Sigyn doesn’t know if this one’s a moss or a liverwort.

liverwort

All this green stuff looks alike to me.  Possibly one of the human female’s plant-nerd friends could sort them out, but I really don’t care.

We’re headed to the Sedge Meadow.  I like the Sedge Meadow.  It’s all green and dapply.

pathview

Sweet Glittering Bifrost!  What’s this?

trail closed

I had heard the City was Doing Something, but I wasn’t sure what…

But, since I’m a god, barricades and notices don’t apply to me.  Come along, Sigyn.  Leave the puny mortals here obeying all the signs like good little sheep and let’s you and I keep going.

Have fun staring at the signage!  We’re going to go pet sedges.

>|: [

Poke, Poke, Poke

Uh, oh.  The human female is cooking again.  Chicken stew this time, I think.  I’ll let her continue, because the result is usually edible.  Chicken, shallots, carrots, peas, herbs, and chicken broth.

Hmm.  What’s the missing ingredient?  Mischief!  Now, what can I do that won’t jeopardize the final result?

Got it!  You know how there is always more broth in the container than the recipe calls for?  The human female, being “thrifty”, always wants to freeze the leftovers for a later date.  Labeled baggie and everything.

Poke, poke, poke.

leaky broth

Dribble, dribble, dribble…

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