I have learned my lesson! When the second of today’s candidates shows up, I will make sure to look through the peephole first. Oh. My. Word. What I am seeing is so strange that I have to open the door for a better look. What am to make of this?
And now, without so much as a “by your leave,” this…critter… is poking through the remains of the X-53! Cue recorder!
Raccoon: “Hey, I’m gonna need this guy’s leg. And maybe an arm.”
Loki: And just who are you?
Raccoon: Name’s Rocket. Heard you were looking for some help. Got any projects in mind?
Loki: Not at this precise moment. But– Hey! Stop tinkering with that and pay attention.
Rocket: Oh, okay. Yeah? What do you wanna know?
Loki: You could start by telling me about your skills. How could you be useful to me?
Rocket: Best pilot you’ll ever meet. Weapons expert. Escape artist. There isn’t the jail that can hold me. I specialize in jobs that need a little extra…creativity.
Loki: Interesting. I assume you have references? What about your most recent employment?
Rocket: Well, I been hanging around with this Quill guy. Starlord, they call him. Guy named Drax. Green girl named Gamora.
Rocket: Yeah. You know her? Adopted daughter of Thanos, but–
Rocket: Yeah, but–
Loki: This interview is over. Leave. NOW.
Rocket: Hey! Wait! Wait. Keep your horns on. Sure, she’s Thanos’ daughter, but she don’t work for him no more. Believe me, I got nothing to do with that crazy purple dude.
Loki: I hope for your sake that is true—Sigyn, what are you doing?
Rocket: Ah, that’s just Groot.
(Loki: “Groot”? There’s a talking raccoon that knows bloody Thanos in my house, with a potted twig he calls “Groot”… Could this day be any more surreal?)
Rocket: Groot’s all right. He’s a little on the small side right now, but give him a year or two and he’ll be back to his big old self.
Loki: Sigyn, what are you doing?
Sigyn: We’re just having a little dance.
Loki: Sigh. Look, Rocket, Groot, whatever. I’m not sure this is going to work out.
Rocket: Yeah, I was getting that.
Loki: Maybe some other time? I’ve got your contact info if…
Rocket: Don’t call me, buddy, I’ll call you.
Is it me? I place a simple help wanted ad and all the weirdos in the galaxy show up. Is there something in me that just calls to fruitcakes? >|: [
(ed. note: Sorry for the brief but egregious Guardians of the Galaxy crossover. Wait. No, I’m not.)