romance

Dragged out into the field…again, Part I: Steep going.

I was hoping that the human female *might* eventually get a little bit sick of looking at flowers. Sigh. No such luck. It’s a cool, cloudy afternoon, and instead of napping like most civilized Midgardians, she has Sigyn and me out traipsepassing on what is undoubtedly someone’s private property.

This not just botanizing, it’s exercise. This is a rocky outcrop so tilty that you could kiss the ground while standing up. You know, if you wanted a mouthful of Oligocene sandstone…

Must say, though, that the view from the top is rather nice.

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The human female says she likes this place because she discovered a very rare plant here and got to name it. If I found a new plant, I would name it after Sigyn, but the foolish mortal squandered the only chance she will ever have to make her mark on science and saddled the poor plant with an unpronounceable string of syllables that is most unlovely.

So apparently, this outcrop is a last little bit of largely undisturbed prairie. I have filed this away as possibly useful information if I ever grow really angry with the human female, since it would take only a very small fire or a soupcon of dynamite to remove it –and her beloved plant– from the map permanently.

Sigyn wants to show me something. What have you got there, my pet?

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Oh, very pretty. Didn’t you once have a hat like these?

This is a handsome flower as well.

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Parts of it are still wearing their furry winter underwear. Get with the program, plant! It is spring!

These yellow daisies are showy, aren’t they Sigyn?

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If you want to play he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not, I will pick one for you. (I will give you a hint: He loves you.)

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There’s something in the air…

And that something is the sweet smell of flowering Acacia. I must admit, this is one plant I actually like. It is prickly, unpredictable (some years it does not flower at all, not a single plant locally), and a delightfully garish shade of yellow-orange that clashes with everything except school buses and No. 2 pencils.*

I am not one for perfumes, but Sigyn is quite enamored of the soft, licorice-like fragrance of the flowers. On still, humid nights, these flowering trees are smellable all over town.

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Natural history lesson: Giraffes love Acacia the way the human female loves cookies. Sigyn has always wanted to meet a giraffe, so for her birthday today, I have gathered some branches of Acacia and sent out a tickly little “come hither” spell.

That was quick! We have only been standing here a few minutes, and already a couple of the gangly camelids have sauntered by to sample our offerings.

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I surmise that the one I am tempting has eschewed the traditional reticulated pattern in favor of gaudy neckware.

Sigyn is going to have hers domesticated in no time.

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She has charmed the spotless one as well. Careful, Birthday Girl–it is a long way down!

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Lest you think I have become too soft-hearted, cavorting in flowers and feeding errant members of the Artiodactyla, I present one of my best pranks ever:

I parked the humans’ vehicle beneath one of the trees with the moon roof open and then summoned another giraffe.

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Not only will they have to somehow induce the giraffe to exit the vehicle, they will have the unenviable job of removing giraffe-produced Acacia byproducts from the upholstery…

All in all, a mighty fine day.

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*They also match Kodak film boxes, but those are becoming scarce. I would like to go on record as saying that is NOT my fault.

A peek inside Sigyn’s head (Deep Thoughts, Part II)

Using my magic, I can reveal Sigyn’s thoughts in the situation studied previously:

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Bunny! Bunnybunnybunny! Who’s a good bunny? You are! Yes, you are! Such a good bunny!

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Hug the bunny! Soft widdle bunny, does oo want to come home wif me?

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Nom nom nom. Is that good? Does the bunny like the nummy lettuce?

……

Yes, I know. What can I say? There’s more to life than having a mind like Aristotle’s. She’s mine and I love her.

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A (Mostly) Happy Anniversary

One year ago today, Sigyn and I exchanged vows in the presence of the mumblesome Great Goober and all his little goobery minions. (If you are unfamiliar with the tale of our courtship and meeting, I direct you to my diary entries from last February and March.)

I never tire of looking at our wedding photo.

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I am still not sure if we are actually married, since I have never ascertained the Great Goober’s authority with regard to matrimony, and there is still the matter of Sigyn’s consent. However, I certainly want to celebrate this day. I asked Sigyn what she would like for a gift, and she said she would rather have an experience than a token and would like to visit the local Museum of Natural History. Sigh. I have had quite enough “nature” recently, but at least this museum thingy is indoors, so here we are.

Sigyn likes this tall, beaky bird.

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The sign doesn’t say what this bird eats. Sigyn says she thinks it would eat little shellfish at the beach. I say it certainly looks capable of getting the last olive out of the jar.

Bones can be scary, but this sea turtle skull, which doesn’t have any pointy teeth, is fun to explore.

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This alligator skull, though, was too much for Sigyn, but I am admiring its toothy grin.

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No telling what this is…

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I think Sigyn would rather go see some cute animals. Absolutely, dear heart. I’ve heard they have some child-friendly animatronic dinosaurs. Let us go see those.

Oh, no!

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Let her go, you evil beast! Release her this instant or I will blast you into a small pile of gears and melted rubber!
……

Whew. My beloved is unharmed, only a bit shaken up.

I am so sorry, Sigyn. Happy Anniversary anyway, and don’t forget that I love you.

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Was it really only a year ago?

One year ago today Sigyn and I had our first date. We spread a quilt and enjoyed a lovely picnic—at least, until her harridan of a sister showed up.

Now we are cuddled up on another quilt, one the human female made years ago. (Why Midgardians feel it necessary to cut up a lot of perfectly good fabric just to sew it all together again is beyond me.)

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It is, uh, very… colorful.

I like the green squares best. This one is green and yellow, which will do very nicely.

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No, wait! This one is better. The plants on it look all prickly and fierce.

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Sigyn likes the red area of the quilt and is quite taken with one particular patch.

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She says the alligator looks friendly.

Hmm. I didn’t notice before… The “blank” spaces in the quilt have the Midgardian alphabet quilted into them. Here’s an L.

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And Sigyn has found her S.

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Sigyn, look! They’re right next to one another. It’s almost as if the human female knew we’d be coming along!

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And in the center, two hearts, just for us. Happy Anniversary, my sweetling.

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A Midgardian custom of which I approve

Last year, my celebration of the Midgardian feast of love and romance did not go very well. I swore never to participate again. This year–Oh, this year I am celebrating with my beloved Sigyn and I couldn’t be happier.

It is customary to dine out with one’s partner on this day, so I have brought Sigyn to one of the town’s nicest restaurants. We had a nice ride over here. (I like it when Sigyn rides pillion–it’s a ride with a built-in hug!) There was rather a wait to be seated, but a well-placed glower convinced the hostess to move us to the front of the line. (I told her Sleipnir was a service animal.) Now we are perusing the menu.

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I shall order the Straw and Hay for Sleipnir (without the prosciutto.) Sigyn, of course, zeroed in on the Red Fish. I think I will try the Poblano Mac and Cheese, because I am given to understand that, like a certain god I know, poblano peppers are green and spicy.

While we wait for our meal, we can practice our rock-climbing skills on the brickwork…

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…and play hide-and-seek with the tableware. Sigyn, I don’t think the water carafe is as opaque as you think it is.

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Nor is the candle holder.

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Dearest, come out of there. The waiter wants to light the candle.

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This is so romantic. The food is delicious, and the company couldn’t be more charming. Even Sleipnir is behaving beautifully.

There is always room for gelato!

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Happy Valentine’s Day, my love!

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A Very Dangerous Question

Sometimes Sigyn and I like to poke about in the teaching labs at the human female’s work and try out the equipment. Sigyn likes to play and learn things. I am usually looking for things I can knock over, blow up, booby-trap, or use in my efforts to take over the planet.

Today we are examining the triple-beam balance. Antiquated, true, but potentially useful.

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“Do you think I’m gaining weight?” Sigyn asks me.

In all the Nine Realms, there is no more dangerous question for a man to try to answer. I am weighing (ha ha) my options.

a) “Maybe just a bit. But don’t worry, it’s just more to love.”

b) “No, it’s just that outfit that makes you look a little hippy.”

c) “No, dearest, not at all. 6.8 grams is the perfect weight for you!”

d) “Never! In fact, I think you may have lost a little. Let’s go see if there are treats in the break room.”

I chose d).

Dodged that bullet.

I hope.

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