The human female is a woman of great contradiction. On the one hand, she likes a clean, tidy house. On the other hand, she’s as lazy as they come. She has made of slacking an art form. She comes home from work each day and it’s straight into the “comfy pants” and precisely nothing is accomplished.
Oh, every now and then she resolves to do better–to be more organized, to get up a little earlier and get a head start on the housework, to have her home look a little more like a magazine and a little less like an episode of Hoarders.
It’s not as if she doesn’t have help. The human male has been known to do laundry, wash dishes, and take out the garbage. They’ve tried to enlist the feline’s help, but the only thing she contributes to the household is cat dander and an attitude.
Recently, the human female has been hinting that she has a new! improved! plan! Something that will take the burden from her shoulders and have the house spic and span every minute of every day. Pfft! I’ll believe it when I–
–What’s this? She’s cackling like a lunatic and shoving a piece of paper under my nose.
Oh, lady, no. No, and nuh-uh and nein and nyet, with nope sauce and heaping helpin of no way on the side. I am a Jotun Prince, the rightful King of Asgard, and a god. I am no man’s menial, and I dont. do. chores. My brilliance and my skills and my magic are meant for conquering worlds, not the scrubbing of toilets.
I spit on your list.